“The quidditch that we play is called muggle quidditch, because we’re not wizards.”

12.08.11 Written by Vince Mancini

I missed the Quidditch World Cup last month, but BU made this recruiting video. I feel like competitive Quidditch is proof that it’s possible this anti-bullying campaign has gone too far. My favorite quote: “The quidditch that we play is considered muggle quidditch, because we’re not wizards.” |buzzfeed|

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When Emma Watson answered something right at Brown, kids shouted “Three points for Gryffindor!”

04.21.11 Written by Vince Mancini

EmmaWatsonAdorable Harry Potter star Emma Watson (Hermione), famously enrolled at Brown University in 2009, taking great pains to fit in, even going so far as to give herself one of those unflattering haircuts only other girls like. But apparently that wasn’t enough for those other Ivy League monsters, who virtually chased her out of school with cruel Harry Potter taunts in the middle of their classes on slam poetry and butler management.

The insider says Watson didn’t shy away from class participation and often would “answer something in class and get it right,” calling the 21-year-old actress “really smart.” Unfortunately, this brought out the sophisticated wit and cinematic expertise of her Ivy League peers.  According to the source, her classmates “would respond [to her answer] with a quote from ‘Harry Potter.’” The most popular choice was Three points for Gryffindor!”

Poor Emma.  See, your problem was going to a school filled with private-school dorks who’ve probably read every Harry Potter book and play Quidditch on the weekends.  You could always transfer to ASU, where books are like Kryptonite and the only cinema is casting couch porn.

This wasn’t the only difficulty for the actress, who said on her personal blog before entering school that she just “want[ed] to be normal.” While attending a Brown-vs.-Harvard football game in Cambridge, the pixie-haired star described being “stalked” by Harvard students in her school’s section.

Haahvahd students in the Brown section?!  Unacceptable! Ascots, everyone! We shall drum out these rogues the Brown way, with thunderous finger snaps!

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Middlebury Wins Quidditch World Cup, Earns Lifetime of Ridicule

11.15.10 Written by Vince Mancini

Middlebury-quidditch WOrld Cup

Anyone who’s been to college knows that there are about a billion sports in which you could participate, even if you’re an albino asthmatic with a severe peanut allergy.  Yet brave souls all across New England decided that their private schools’ sports offerings had too many minorities and not enough wands. Thus was born competitive Quidditch.  Yes, from Harry Potter.  As I reported previously, the Quidditch World Cup (aka the Olympics of Private School) took place in New York this weekend.  NYMag was there to witness it first hand.

Quidditch — or Muggle Quidditch, as it’s technically called — is a glorified mash-up of dodgeball, basketball, and rugby. Players run down the pitch trying to toss the quaffle (a kickball) through the goal (a hula hoop taped onto a jerry-rigged PVC-pipe stand).

Baska-what?  Ohhhh, you mean muggle basketball. Now I understand.

They’re doing all of this more or less one-handed. The other is always on that phallic piece of wood they’re straddling. (If your broom touches the ground, you’re taken out of the action for fifteen seconds as you simulate the time it would take for a wizard to fall to the ground.)

Within an hour, several people have already been carted off the field with injuries. Two players collided so viciously that one spit out his mouthguard along with a few tablespoons of blood. The woman on the other side of the collision was lying on the ground with her head split open. Volunteer medics rushed over, chanted a Ferula spell, and bandaged her forehead.

You think that’s bad, three quiffles from Sarah Lawrence suffered strained scarves. Meanwhile, Hoyt Velez-Twinklemoss found out natural grass makes him wheeze!

Amid the games, hundreds of fans milled about. Some are wearing shirts that say, “I got 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one.”

You hear that?  I think Jay-Z just blew his brains out.

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Quidditch World Cup Coming to NYC, Private School

11.08.10 Written by Vince Mancini
Spazzy white guys wearing prescription eye wear, gosh, I never would've expected that.

Spazzy white guys wearing prescription eye wear, gosh, I never would've expected that.

One of the subplots of the Harry Potter books is a game called quidditch, in which students at the wizardry academy ride flying broomsticks around after ball that flies through the sky of its own accord.  Now, thanks to precious students with too much time on their hands at at expensive Northeastern private schools, it’s not just a side plot in a children’s book, it’s a “sport”.  Well bust out your sunblock and hemophilia medicine, Madison, because the Quidditch World Cup is coming to New York City next week. It’s all the poncey exclusivity of lacrosse with 50% less date rape!

Next weekend, more than 60 different teams from high schools and universities across the country are expected to gather at De Witt Clinton Park in New York City for the fourth annual Quidditch World Cup.
Harvard University, M.I.T, Yale, Penn State, Duke — several prestigious universities are registered for the World Cup and count quidditch among their extracurricular activities.

University of Maryland student Valerie Fischman isn’t satisfied with quidditch’s current status, however. She’s waging a long-shot campaign for recognition from the National Collegiate Athletic Association.
Fischman originally joined the team because she was a huge Harry Potter fan, not because she was particularly interested in playing a sport. Now she’s a chaser on the University of Maryland team and also serves as its co-vice president.

Wait, you’re saying she joined the Quidditch team despite not being very interested in sports?  Excuse me while I retrieve my monocle, for in my surprise it has fallen.

Quidditch players have to thread several other hoops to make theirs an NCAA sport. There must be official quidditch clubs at a minimum of 50 colleges across the country. Then, athletic directors from those colleges must individually petition the NCAA. It’s a process that could take years — if it happens at all.  Fischman admits it’s not an easy task. She’s hoping for help from her university’s athletic department — as well as the International Quidditch Association.  That’s right, there’s an International Quidditch Association. [via (who else) NPR]

[Said Harvard Co-Captain Stacy Rush]: “The teams great. It’s so much fun flying around on your broomsticks. Now, they look like they don’t fly. In practice, we don’t fly around on them because we’re surrounded by Muggles. And we can’t break our statute of secrecy which is our code of law in the wizarding world.” [IvyGate]

I hope this does become an NCAA sport.  First, because it’s still less lame than ultimate frisbee, and second because I’d someday love to hear, “Ooh, that Rooney Sanchez-Davis, she thinks she’s sooo hot, just because she’s dating the captain of the Quidditch team.  She even wears his inhaler around her neck to rub it in everyone’s face.”

College Quidditch-match 2 College quidditch-dorks College quidditch-muggle Quidditch

“We call outsiders ‘muggles’ because they’re always stealing our lunch money.”

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THIS GUY IS A TRUE TALENT, DORK

10.23.09 Written by Vince Mancini


(“I WOULDN’T LET THIS GUY NEAR MY KIDS.”)

What would you consider super nerdy?  Slavish devotion to a movie that came out 25 years ago?  Singing the theme of said movie a capella?  How about singing all the musical parts to that movie theme a capella, then filming yourself while you do it and making a multi-track video of the whole event?  Yep, pretty nerdy, Matt Mulholland, pretty nerdy.  Mouth instruments are only cool if you’re Bobby McFerrin, or me playing 70s-porn-themed mouth bass to get the ladies in the mood.  Combine that with a lip bite and some slow hip thrusts and the panties just disintegrate, trust me.

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