OPENING THIS WEEKEND:

Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who
Guaranteed to clean up on a weak weekend, and actually looks kind of good. Reuters headline: "Moviegoers can’t ignore elephant in theaters". Get it? Because it’s about an elephant?  Omg that’s so clever I want to slam my weiner in the door!

Doomsday
The only question is: Will it be bad or awesomely bad? Either way it’ll be a great Bentley commercial. 

Never Back Down
Fail. Though if you do go, be sure to bring your Fox Racing gear.

Funny Games
Watch Tim Roth and Naomi Watts get tortured by the neighbor boys.  Or not.

The Grand
Poker movie with a Brett Ratner cameo.  Thought you’d sneak it by me, didn’t you, fuckers.  Not a chance – I know what nachos smell like.

Lance Recommends:  In Bruges.  An odd little movie that keeps messing with your expectations.  Worth seeing for the dialogue alone. 

Alternate Headline: OOH WAH AH AH A 

MTV has this new clip from Doomsday, which is quickly shaping up to be the most ridiculous thing ever.

In it, Rhona Mitra dodges buzz saw blades from one of those clay pigeon launcher dealies in her magic Bentley.  Then she crashes through a school bus that instantly explodes because apparently it’s made of butane and kindling.  I guess it makes sense that school buses would be built that way.  I mean, if the bus crashes, it’s probably better that all the kids on it die upon impact. Less whining.

Anyway, it’s nice to see that they’re marketing a $175,000 car to people who watch WWE.  Great strategy.  I can see the commercial now… Comforting Female Voice Over: "The Bentley Continental – Grace.  Refinement.  Beauty."  *Car smashes through exploding bus in post-apocalyptic wasteland* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR/LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR…

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This is the new age-restricted clip (you have to enter your birthday in order to watch it, so basically it’s restricted to those who can subtract 18 from the current year) from Doomsday, written and directed by Neill Marshall (who previously did The Descent, which was admittedly pretty sweet). 

Doomsday’s wikipedia page describes the scene:

A massive car chase scene was also filmed for Doomsday, described by Marshall to be one part Mad Max, one part Bullitt (1968), and one part "something else entirely different". 

Um, yeah. I’m assuming they finished the Mad Max part and then ran out of time.  I can’t believe this is a real movie.  It looks Mad Max re-imagined as a Bentley commercial.  Plus, no feral boy?  What the fuck. 

Interesting side note:  The guy who played the Feral Kid in Mad Max is now 35, lives in Palo Alto, California, runs a lawn supply and nursery where he "specializes in unique hybrid varieties of orchids", and is engaged to the former child actress who played the little girl in Aliens.  If that’s not true it’s the lamest hoax in history.