There’s been a lot of stuff written about Avatar’s budget this week. The New York Times made the eyebrow-raising assertion that the budget was $500 million when you factor in marketing. Then David Poland said it wasn’t, and CHUD said it was again, and I decided that’s a lot of reading for something no one knows for sure that I don’t care that much about. Kind of like religion.
But then I found this new Avatar ad created especially for Nickelodeon. It clearly tries to sell the film more as a family adventure (like, say, Fern Gully…) than the game-changing science fiction revolution which will change Coke to Pepsi, find your car keys, and make God look like a child pornographer that it is. And that voice over… isn’t that Don LaFontaine? He died in 2008, but that voice is either him or someone doing a very good impression of him. I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but I think it’s pretty clear that Avatar is so good that it brought Don LaFontaine back to life. James Cameron is truly a visionary.
Today’s Forgotten Classic comes from 2006 and if you wanna get technical, it’s not so much “forgotten” as it is “Nigerian.” It’s called Chicken Madness, and it bills itself as “the mother of all comedies.” At first I thought it was all in heavily-accented English spoken really fast, a lá a New York cabdriver, but then I realized it’s mostly another language with just enough English words thrown in to pique my curiosity. And whenever things are in danger of getting boring, an announcer comes on and says “Chicken Madness - CHICKEN MADNESS!” to let you know that this movie intends to have rough sex with your funny bone. Later he reads the names of the cast and when he gets to the girls’ names, I’m pretty sure he says “MMMMM” and makes a kiss sound, like the Puerto Ricans on my corner when a girl walks by. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think we’ve finally found a replacement for Don LaFontaine.
One of the longest-running Oscar segments is “In Memoriam,” during which the Academy honors the movie people who died that year. Problem is, certain people always get left out (like Brad Renfro last year) and no one knows exactly why. Notable exclusions this year included: George Carlin (not really known for movies, so okay), Patrick McGoohan (The Prisoner, Longshanks in Braveheart), Eartha Kitt (Catwoman), and voice of the movies Don LaFontaine. (You can see a list of those they did honor after the jump).
Out of all of these, how the f-ck do you forget Don LaFontaine? He did virtually every movie trailer for 30 years and was easily the most famous voice-over guy who ever lived (not to mention, you know, VOICE OF THE OSCARS). And right there in his will it said, “Please cremate me, give all my money to my family, and please, PLEASE make sure Queen Latifah sings a shitty song about me at the Oscars.” You’ve dishonored the man’s memory, you Slumdog-loving f-cks. I hope he haunts your dreams. And “memoriam”? What the hell does that even mean? Is that some kind of secret code? Screw you, hippies.
Don LaFontaine, the guy whose voice you can hear in just about every movie trailer ever (examples after the jump), died yesterday in L.A.
LaFontaine’s agent, Vanessa Gilbert, tells ET that he passed away following complications from Pneumothorax, the presence of air or gas in the pleural cavity, the result of a collapsed lung. The official cause of death has not yet been released.
Over the past 25 years, LaFontaine cemented his position as the “King of Voiceovers.” Aside from being the preeminent voice in the movie trailer industry, Don also worked as the voice of Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, as well as for CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox and UPN, in addition to TNT, TBS and the Cartoon Network. By conservative estimates, he voiced hundreds of thousands of television and radio spots, including commercials for Chevrolet, Pontiac, Ford, Budweiser, McDonalds, Coke, and many other corporate sponsors. [ET]
Well that sucks. Movie previews will never be the same. If I’d been born with a voice like Don LaFontaine, I surely would’ve been corrupted by its power; used it to bilk people out of their life savings and talk young girls into various degradery. Don LaFontaine just wanted the plot to sound a little cooler. He will be missed.
UPDATE: Not an update, just thought this was a little more important than Anne Hathaway’s boobs (even though they are nice).
