This video of Don Cheadle playing a sociopathic, unhinged version of Captain Planet is easily the best thing I’ve seen from Funny or Die in months, for reasons not the least of which being that they made the ‘Heart’ ring guy borderline retarded, just like I always imagined him. Just like the ‘Culture’ guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Jesus, remember when that was the biggest thing around?).

But while we’re enjoying this, let’s not forget that they’re actually making a Captain Planet movie.

“The messages of Captain Planet are even more relevant today,” said Snyder. “We feel this team can bring the world’s first eco-hero to life in a powerful motion picture that is not only pertinent but entertaining.”
“We are extremely excited about bringing the good Captain back to life,” said Murphy. “His adventures are known worldwide and he is recognized across generations.”

Oh I remember Captain Planet, alright. I also remember girls in painted overalls, the AIDS scare, and Richard Grieco. But if you saw Avatar and thought, “You know what this could use? Less nuance.” Then I’m sure this is the film for you.

That said, if it has Don Cheadle calling people “dickhole,” I’m there.

I know I haven’t done Friday Free For All in a few weeks, but I’m going to make it up to you today with the 1989 musical video for Angela Winbush’s “It’s the Real Thing.” This video is notable for featuring both a young Don Cheadle and a profusion of sequined baseball hats.  Cheadle would later go on to score an Oscar nomination for 2004′s Hotel Rwanda, but nowhere was he able to display the sense of fun and whimsy he showed here.  All you really need to know about this video is the exchange at the beginning, after Winbush shows up to the car wash in her Ferrari Testarossa.

CAR WASH ATTENDANT: “Hot wax?”

ANGELA WINBUSH: “The hottest.”

Aw, yeah, son, I’m gettin all hot!  So does that mean she’s gonna have to change her name to Angela Waxedbush?  Honestly, I’m curious.  I’m frightened and confused by the 80s.

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Iron Man 2 just released a new poster on Yahoo.  Eye-candy-wise, it’s definitely not on the level of, say, the Kick-Ass posters, but it’s sure as hell not gonna keep me from seeing the movie. They managed to squeeze just about everyone into the poster (sorry, Sam Rockwell), though it’s a little strange that they all seem to be looking off in different directions– HEY DON’T YOU EYE F*CK ME, PALTROW!  I’LL SHOW YOU A HELMET YOU CAN KISS!

*points to old football helmet*

Crap, I did this wrong again, didn’t I.

[Thanks to Jirish for the Carradine picture]

A new trailer for Iron Man 2 is here, and it’s super lame.  Ha, just kidding, it’s totally awesome.  This one gives a deeper glimpse into the plot.  This time around, Tony Stark’s urban sidekick gets his own suit of armor, then they band together to fight the Russian version of themselves.  When you think about it, it’s a lot like Rocky IV.  But I’m okay with that for the following reasons:

• Rocky IV is badass.
• AC/DC.
• Rocket hands.

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(Arrow added to emphasize titties)

Well this is weird. Just last night someone was talking about Brooklyn’s Finest. He said he’d seen it at Sundance last year and I asked why it wasn’t out yet, and he said probably because the ending was ridiculous and terrible.  It comes from Training Day director Antoine Fuqua (is it just me, or is everyone named Antoine either a flaming gay or a big scary tough guy?) and stars Ethan Hawke, Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, and Wesley Snipes.  As the headline would indicate, it basically looks like if Crash was set in Brooklyn.  So much crime and racism, it’s a shame what’s happened to our inner cities.  If only Sandra Bullock would teach more blacks to play football.

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