Like our boy C-Tates playing a Roman Centurion, some actors are just inherently hilarious in a period piece.  Such is the case with Nic Cage playing a good sir knight of the round forehead in this new Season of the Witch trailer (directed by Gone in 60 Seconds‘ Dominic Sena, co-starring Ron “Hellboy” Perlman). I defy you not to laugh at Nic Cage’s first line of dialog.  No one else could turn “…That fewer still would believe,” into such a riotous punch line. I also love that 98% of the trailer is pure exposition, and the actors all deliver it like they’re just killing time until the end of their shift in five minutes.

“You are the legendary knight sir Cage.”
“I might be.”
“Shall we sword fight now?”
“(*shrugs*) Whatever.”

I love it.  This could be the next Jonah Hex.  At the very least, it should be a great opportunity to see Nic Cage looking confused in different silly outfits, which is really all I want out of it.

Read the rest of this entry »

In just one of his sorcery-related projects this year, Nic Cage reteams with Gone in 60 Seconds director Dominic Sena, fresh off the critically-acclaimed thriller Whiteout (6% on RottenTomatoes, one of the few positive reviews called it “A tolerably entertaining film starring the weather”), in Season of the Witch. I’d love to tell you the plot, but unfortunately none of the shots in the trailer last more than half a second. I think it’s about a Marilyn Manson song or something.

Nicolas Cage stars as a 14th century Crusader who returns with his comrade (Ron Perlman) to a homeland devastated by the Black Plague. A beleaguered church, deeming sorcery the culprit of the plague, commands the two knights to transport an accused witch (Claire Foy) to a remote abbey, where monks will perform a ritual in hopes of ending the pestilence. [Wiki]

And that ritual was called “basic sanitation.”  I see Cage and Perlman will be employing the same accent Richard Gere used in First Knight.  “Hey, like, I’m Sir Nic of Santa Monica.  What’s up with your witches and stuff.”

This is the first teaser trailer for Season of the Witch, from Gone in 60 Seconds director Dominic Sena, starring Nic Cage and Ron Perlman — that is, a guy whose face looks like a mask and a guy who’s usually wearing one, ha ch-cha cha cha.

14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.

I have to say, this trailer is a complete failure.  It chooses to focus solely on the spooky-Halloween-movie angle while ignoring the one aspect, which, above all else, is really going to sell this flick:  Nic Cage on a horse, motherf-cker!  POW!

Read the rest of this entry »

This is the trailer for Whiteout, starring Kate Beckinsale.  It’s set in Antarctica, and most of the trailer plays out like a show on The Extreme History Channel.  Which I guess isn’t much different from the regular History Channel these days – since when is searching for bigfoot or imagining Earth without humans considered history?  Moar war footage, plz.  Anyway, I digress… Yeah, so they spend about 1:30 talking about how extreme Antarctica is, and then for the last 30 seconds it’s all, “And you know what else? MURDER.”  Really?  That’s it?  For a movie based on an award-winning graphic novel, the trailer feels a lot like an episode of CSI Miami.   “Looks like this time… the cold… caught you.  YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…”