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MORNING LINKS
Anchorman 2 News: Kristen Wiig to play Brick Tamland’s lamp interest |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 129: Matt Louv Talks Award Season, A Concerned Letter From His Mom |Frotcast|

Have we not learned from Treehouse of Horror XI? [via Awesomephilia]

A Brief Tribute To Britta Perry’s Inspirational ‘Me So Christmas’ Song And Dance |UPROXX|

A Very Helpful Guide To Every On-Screen Death On ‘The Walking Dead’ |Warming Glow|

The Nolan Ryan Robin Venture Fight, Now In 8-Bits |With Leather|

Peter Jackson And Warner Respond to ‘The Hobbit’ Barfgate (Plus New Footage) |Gamma Squad|

A Paula Patton Appreciation Post |Smoking Section|

Roger Goodell’s TIME Cover, Fixed |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Some faces just weren’t meant to be swapped |theChive|

In Honor of Her 31st Birthday, The 31 Hottest Pictures of a Young Britney Spears |Ranker|

23 Best Music Videos Of 2012 |Buzzfeed|

Amanda Seyfried’s Eyes Are Up Top, Anne Hathaway |The Superficial|

11 Internet-Related Plots from ’90s TV Shows |Mental Floss|

Tracy Morgan and Jimmy Fallon: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas |Clip Nation|

25 LOL-Worthy Holiday Photobombs |HuffPost|

Teen Korner: Yo! MTV’s “Millennials” Blog, Dawgs! |Videogum|

Eminem’s daughter continues the family tradition of pointless feuds with pop stars. |Fark|

Taylor Swift Did This At The Grammy Nomination Concert Last Night |IDLYITW|

Important Memo Regarding Fro-Yo Sampling Guidelines |College Humor|

Steve Buscemi’s Worlds Collide With ‘Boardwalk Sobchak’ Meme |Screen Junkies|

10 Random Instances in Which Jon Hamm Attempts to Convince Us He’s Not the Most Handsome Man in the Room |Pajiba|

When Bad Accents Happen to Good Actors |Indiewire|

The Swanson Guide to Holiday Shopping |Unreality|

The 10 Frattiest Colleges in America, According to U.S. News and World Report |Brobible|

How to Bake the Perfect Batch of Cookies |High Definite|

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This is just your basic, impromptu, pick-up MMA fight that starts when a guy jumps into the pool at a Russian dolphin park. A six-way fist fight on the edge of a slippery dolphin pool, sure, just your average day in Russia. Strangely, the fight lasts until the 1:40 mark before the tall guy finally figures out that they should’ve been going shirts vs. skins. Good call, tall guy. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I hope this is viral marketing for the Russian version of Dolphin Tale, because it looks awesome.

Either that or “Dolphin MMA” could become the logical successor to Whale Wars. Fun fact about Russian dolphins: They drink like fish!

[via Buzzfeed]

In what might be the most hard-hitting piece of journalistic analysis I report this week, Spider-Man has been caught finger blasting a dolphin. (Side note: do you guys say “finger blasting” or “finger banging?”  I prefer the latter, but lately I’ve been hearing people use the former, which always seemed a bit bellicose, in my opinion).  Maybe it’s just me, but every time I look at this, I hear the Who intro from CSI Miami.

This would make the perfect Christmas present, especially if your draw in your office’s secret Santa exchange is Malcolm Brenner, Florida’s own world famous dolphin f**ker.  Hey, man, let he who’s never thought about shooting off a little webbing in a dolphin’s blowhole cast the first stone.  (That don’t make me gay, does it?)

Oh right, and also, Martin Sheen and Sally Field are set to play Scarfield‘s aunt and uncle in the upcoming Spider-Man reboot.  Sadly, that story didn’t lend itself as easily to dolphin sex jokes, so I avoided it.  YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhh……

[Superpunch via GreatWhiteSnark]

Folks, I don’t always report casting news from the trades, but then, not every trade rundown includes Morgan Freeman, the director of Air Bud, and MARINE BIOLOGIST HARRY CONNICK JR.

Harry Connick Jr., Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman are in negotiations to star in the inspirational 3D drama “A Dolphin’s Tale.” “Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. Charles Martin Smith (Air Bud) will be directing the film from a script by Karen Janszen (A Walk to Remember).

The movie version centers on an introverted, 11-year-old boy who befriends an injured dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Through their bond and friendship, the boy motivates everyone around him to help save the dolphin by creating a prosthetic appendage. The mammal’s strong survival instincts become an inspiration to people with special needs.

Connick Jr. plays a marine biologist who rescues the dolphin. Judd plays the boy’s mother, while Freeman is a doctor who creates a prosthetic limb for Winter. [Reuters]

Holy crap holy crap holy crap.  Connick a marine biologist, a dolphin that inspires retards, and Morgan Freeman as a kindly doctor who designs prosthetic dolphin tails???  THIS SOUNDS F*CKING INCREDIBLE.  After playing God, the president, and Nelson Mandela, I guess “Robot Dolphin Expert” was the only place to go. BATMAN’S SUIT WILL HAVE TO WAIT, FOR I HAVE PROSTHETIC DOLPHIN TAILS TO FINISH!   It practically writes itself.  I imagine the hardest part was deciding whether to spell it “tail” or “tale” in the title.  BOTH ARE TRUE! IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS!

The Cove is a documentary about the attempts of activists to document the brutal dolphin hunt at Taiji, Wakayama, Japan, and the selling of dolphin meat passed off as whale. (Gotta love Japan. “They’d never buy it if they knew it was panda meat, so I told them it was unicorn.”).  Naturally, to promote the film, the company behind The Cove made this series of comedy videos featuring a guy in a dolphin suit.  He raps, does stand up comedy, fights crime, poses for a sexy photo shoot, and plays beer pong.  It’s kind of funny, and possibly the strangest promotion ever.  It’s like one of those bad PSA segues from the 80s. “I hope you enjoyed the magic show, folks, but now I’m going to take a few seconds to talk to you about child rape, which is no laughing matter.”
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