His soulful eyes will follow you around the room.  Especially if you are looking at this on a smartphone or tablet.

The Dark Knight Rises is out today on DVD and Blu-ray and nothing else matters. Still, I know most (all?) of you have seen it and might want to know what else has come out today, so I’m back, providing you with all you need to know when you ultimately decide to just watch Batman again anyway.  Other flicks you won’t actually be watching this week include new films from Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugh Jackman, and two films with Jennifer Garner.  We’ve got movies that will make you laugh (if Meryl Streep trying to fellate a banana is funny to you), movies that will make you cry (if you are a little kid) and Beasts Of The Southern Wild, a critical-darling  that Vince wasn’t very fond of.  There are films about butter and psycho Santas and professional athletes who believe in magic.  There’s super elves, some spooky VHS tapes, and even a Christmas movie with a talking dog!

The DVDs:
The Dark Knight Rises
Hope Springs
Butter
The Odd Life Of Timothy Green
Beasts Of The Southern Wild
Silent Night
Thunderstruck
Elf-Man
V/H/S
Hemingway
Alps
Last Ounce Of Courage
Reel Evil
12/12/12
A Vampire’s Tale
The Magic Of Christmas II

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

One of these flicks stars a dude from Jackass as a superhero.  The only way to find out which one it is is to continue reading. Another one of these movies has vampires in it.  You might assume it’s A Vampire’s Tale, but you can’t be sure unless you continue reading.  If you want to know which film makes little kids cry -you guessed it, continue reading.  If you want to make me cry, just skip all the DVDs and go right to the Netflix streaming suggestions.  There’s a link right above this paragraph, if that’s how you want to handle things.  For my money (literally), you’d be much better off just clicking the ‘Continue Reading’ link that’s just below this paragraph.  You’d get to the streaming suggestions eventually, and there’s no reason to rush.

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"Maybe come back to my place, watch 'I, Robot' and I'll put my penis in your armpit."

Opening Everywhere: The Possession, For a Good Time Call

Opened Wednesday: Lawless

Not Opening Anywhere: Doggie B

FilmDrunk Suggests: I suggest that you write every Hollywood studio exec, your congressman, senators, President Obama, Mitt Romney, whoever runs Canada (just in case), your uncle who always talks about how he knows powerful people, and anyone in the Target break room that will listen to you and demand that Doggie B be released nationwide. It is an atrocity that we can’t readily see this film.

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Every once in a while, you’ll get a PR email that’s actually worth reading. A good way to tell if one is worth reading? It has a picture of a dog in sunglasses laying down phat beats in it.

On behalf of Phase 4 Films, we are pleased to announce the release of the ALL NEW family comedy DOGGIE B! The film tells the “tail” of a devoted pup and his teenage owner as they enter a Dog Dancing Championship in order to save their Uncle Peter’s dance studio. DOGGIE B opens in theatres on August 31st and arrives on VOD September 7th.

SAVING THE DOGGIE REC CENTER! WITH DOGGIE BREAK DANCING! Is there any way this could be less than spectacular?

When aspiring vet Cassie finds out that her Uncle Peter’s dog dancing studio is in danger of closing [PLAUSIBLE. -Ed], she enters her devoted pup Pijo in the Dog Dancing Championships [ALSO PLAUSIBLE. -Ed]. Standing between the grand prize and the glory is ten-time champion Gertrude and her dancing canine Chaos, who will stop at nothing to win. With the help of family and friends, Cassie and Pijo lace up all six dancing shoes, raise the woof, and take on the competition tail on.

RAISE THE WOOF! Man, this might be the best day of my life. My only concern is that the dog with the mini fedora on the right kind of reminds me of Danny Masterson. Wait, did they say six dancing shoes? What does that even mean? They’re dogs, right, not mosquitoes? I was in for saving the rec center, but if this involves some kind of sick, doggie centipede, count me out. Anyway, the trailer is below. Does it live up to the synopsis? Let’s put it this way: It has its own theme song, a lá Ghostbusters.

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