If you’re at all familiar with FilmDrunk, you know that dog movies are pretty much our favorite thing ever.  Dogs playing poker, dogs dancing salsa, dogs playing piano, dogs playing volleyball, dogs hating black people  — basically, if the movie’s got a dog doing something human, and Owen Wilson’s not in it, we’re there.

Monster Mutt takes all the dogs-doing-people-stuff we love (taking performance-enhancing drugs, in this case) and combines it with our other favorite thing, people in animal costumes.  CGI IS FOR BITCHES, YO!  My God, it’s like someone recreated the world of my dreams in a movie trailer, and filled it with my secrets.  STOP THE VAN, I’VE BEEN INCEPTED!

And the song that plays when regular mutt turns into monster mutt?  You guessed it, Who Let the motherf*cking Dogs Out.  (*kisses fingertips*)  Magnifique.  That song hadn’t realized its true purpose, until now.

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The Dogfather is a new film that ponders that age-old question: what if your dog was secretly an ex-mafioso on the lam?  Because how well do you really know your best friend?  But even in a film that features a bulldog wearing suits and eating spaghetti (not to mention riding a skateboard, which, let’s face it, seemed a little out of character), the clear stand out is former SNL cast member Chris Parnell.

As much as I loved him as Dr. Leo Spaceman on 30 Rock, this could be his finest role.  No one pulls off that informercial style, Gee whiz! accomplishing-regular-tasks-is-hard!-style acting with as much humanity as he does. And at the 1:06 mark, he delivers the line that should take top billing in the next cut of his acting reel:

WIFE: (trying on new ring at the dinner table) “Where did you find it?”

CHRIS PARNELL: (matter-of-factly) “In Sonny’s poop.”

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Friends, it’s been a great week for dogs-in-sunglasses news.  Our future’s so bright, dogs’ gotta wear shades.  First, this week saw the release– well, not the release, but BestWeekEver discovered the trailer, for the direct-to-DVD film, Cool Dog.  I’ve got the trailer for that below, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but OMG DOG PLAYING PIANO DOG PLAYING PIANO!!!  Oh, Cool Dog, you make Harry Connick Jr. look like Josh Groban.

In other news, the Associated Press has discovered new documents exposing the original White Dog:

Newly discovered documents have revealed a bizarre footnote to the history of the Second World War: a Finnish mutt whose imitation of the Hitler salute enraged the Nazis so deeply that they started an obsessive campaign against the dog’s owner.

PLAY HEEM OFF, MEIN KEYBOARD CAT, OFF TO ZEE CONZENTRAZION KAMPZ!

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While patrolling the Syrian border, Marine Major Brian Dennis found a stray dog he named ‘Nubs’ because Iraqis had cut its ears off as a puppy.  He later nursed it back to health after it was stabbed in the side with a screw driver (lovely people, those Iraqis, I’m sure).  Later Dennis was ordered to move his unit and had to leave Nubs behind, but Nubs tracked him 70 miles through the desert while wounded.  Now someone wants to turn the story into a movie ,and in related news, I think something’s wrong with my eyes.

Warner Bros. is [cutesy pun omitted] signing on to acquire and develop “Nubs,” a feel-good story of a pooch and a U.S. Marine based on a publishing sensation.
In addition to Dennis’ life rights, filmmakers have acquired the top-selling children’s book “Nubs: A Marine, a Mutt and a Miracle,” which Dennis wrote with Mary Nethery and Kirby Larson. The Little, Brown Books for Young Readers title was published two weeks ago and sits at No. 4 on the New York Times children’s best-seller list. Justin Zackham (“The Bucket List”) will write and produce the film. [Yahoo]

I think it goes without saying that animal stories are way cuter than human ones, probably because of the soft fur.  Oh yeah, you’re homeless and hungry?  Well maybe you shoulda thought of that before you got schizophrenia.  What’s that? Your lab puppy has a hurt paw? Quick! Take my whole wallet!

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Today’s Forgotten Classic is a little gem you might have missed from 1999 called The Duke.  Tagline: “Royalty has gone to the dogs.”  First line of the trailer: “He may have royal blood, but he ain’t nothing but a hound dog.”  So it’s basically King Ralph if John Goodman was a bloodhound.  Not surprisingly, the trailer is two and half minutes of pure sustained awesomeness.

Things to look for:

• 0:36 Doggy green screen shot, with flapping lips
• 0:44 Dog with a crown
• 0:54 Shaking paws with the queen
• 1:02 Hail to the duke!
• 1:29 SCOTTY SPIT TAKE!
• 1:39 Fart sound followed by dog-with-cocked-head reaction shot
• 1:59 Dog with goggles/dog in sidecar
• 2:15 Dog in croquet outfit, followed by man getting hit in the crotch with a croquet ball.  Haha, get it??  Dogs can’t play croquet!!

Sadly, this was to be James “Scotty” Doohan’s last film role.  He’s currently in heaven, arguing with Raul Julia over whose last movie was sh-ttier.