Okay, so this is actually the trailer for Collapse (available on OnDemand November 6th), a film about a guy basically predicting the end of civilization. Since that sounds sort of depressing, I chose to illustrate it using the gentle alpaca. See? 
Not so bad now.
Chris Smith, director of American Movie [If you haven't seen it, Netflix immediately -Ed.] and Home Movie, has taken a dark turn. His new film Collapse is about the future, and it ain’t looking pretty. In it we hear the thoughts and fears of one Michael Ruppert, a former cop who had evidence that the CIA was involved in drug trafficking and was booted off the force, becoming an independent reporter and predicting the financial crisis in the process. Is he a prophet? A lunatic? Whatever he is, he sure makes for a compelling subject. [CHUD]
This movie would be really scary if we were to take this guy seriously, but… he’s probably a crackpot. Just some raving loony off the streets. Then again, one can never be too careful. (*smears poop on face, dives through window*) RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, CALIFORNIA IS GOING DOWN! EVERYTHING IS F-CKED, DUDE! (*slaughters hobo for meat*)
I’m still very ashamed that I was too lazy to write a review of Anvil: The Story of Anvil, because it’s probably my second favorite movie of 2009 so far behind The Hurt Locker. And I’m going to put you in a hurt locker if you don’t watch Anvil for free tonight on vh-1. (see what I did there?) It’s showing at 10 pm ET/PT tonight on vh-1 and vh-1 Classics, and you should definitely watch it. Not because of the hurt locker thing, I was just kidding about that, I sold my hurt locker years ago, but because it’s seriously an awesome movie and you’ll probably cry. Because you’re a pussy. Boy, I’m hungover.
[thanks to StinkyPeet for the tip]
(I will never get tired of this picture)
In part two of unsurprising Roman Polanski supporters, we go from Woody Allen to Brett Ratner. As it turns out, the number one Miley Cyrus fan and Jonas Bros concert goer had actually announced plans to direct a sequel to the 2008 documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, only hours before Polanski’s arrest. My sources say the sequel was tentatively titled Roman Polanski: Nacho Crumbs Accidentally Spat At.
Hours before Polanski was busted in Zurich, Ratner taped an interview for BlogTalkRadio’s “Movie Geeks United” show and announced he’ll be producing a sequel to Marina Zenovich’s 2008 documentary, “Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired.”
“The family has forgiven [Polanski]. The victim has forgiven him. The rest of the world has forgiven him,” said Ratner, who cast Polanski as a French detective in his movie “Rush Hour 3.” “The LA judicial system is corrupt. It’s horrible.” [NYPost]
As Cinematical points out, Ratner also went to Auschwitz with Polanski for a feature in Heeb Magazine. Ratner and Polanski go to Auschwitz, I know, it sounds like the premise for a wacky sitcom. Meanwhile, as part of my continuing coverage of asinine Brett Ratner Tweets, it appears that the Rat man is also friends with Polanski’s 16-year-old daughter, Morgane, tweeting just last week, “@MorganePolanski i love u more than Miley!!!!!!!” So I ask: would it not be the height of irony if Brett Ratner was only befriending Roman Polanski to get close to his underage daughter? …Allegedly. But get your mind out of the gutter, he’s not interested in her sexually. The dude has been known to quote Jonas Brothers lyrics. He probably just needs someone with whom to discuss puffy paint and trapper keepers. In fact, she’s probably a little old for him.
Two rules I live by are never fight a guy with a cauliflower ear, and people with tattoos on their face should be avoided. French-Spanish documentarian Christian Povedo chose to ignore the second rule while filming members of a Salvadoran street gang for his documentary La Vida Loca, and… let’s just say it didn’t turn out so well.
Police said Poveda was shot to death Wednesday, with four bullets in the face, as he drove home. Police said they believed Poveda was killed by Mara 18 gangsters who were part of the new generation he had alluded to, young thugs who either did not know him or, if they did, resented his work.
Poveda said he had spent 16 months with members of Mara 18, establishing a relationship, gaining their trust and filming the documentary.
“My proposal was at least one year of filming, and I explained my plan to them, which essentially was to show the human aspect of the gangs, to show who they are, these youngsters. And that really interested them,” Poveda said. “And I was present for everything that might happen, the good things and the bad, and that established a relationship of trust. As savage as they can be, they are people of their word. They’re very well-structured organizations, and the decision of a gang is the last word,” Poveda said in April. “So from the moment that I understood that well, I never had any problems. I’ve never been afraid.”
This week, however, when he spoke to The Times, he sounded a far less hopeful note. It may be that Poveda was tripped up [or shot in the face, rather -Ed.] by the reality of today’s ever more ruthless criminal syndicates that traffic in drugs, weapons and people: Whatever relationship an outsider establishes with them, they are trustworthy only until they are not.
So basically, this movie is like Grizzly Man, only this time, the grizzlies have guns.
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From what I gather, this is a trailer for Twilight in Forks, a direct-to-DVD documentary about a real town in Washington which most people don’t know is not actually a fictional town in a book about sparkly vampires. I’m not exactly sure what the hell’s going on here, but I think this may have been directed by the guy who did After Last Season. This is a totally-not-joking step-by-step description of what happens in the trailer:
My gosh, what a provocative trailer! I demand to know more about this fascinating town full of regular people! Furthermore, YOU SAID ‘VAMPIRE’ THREE TIMES IN REFERENCE TO A LACK OF VAMPIRES, WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THAT THIS FILM MAY HAVE VAMPIRES! PLEASE, TAKE ALL MY MONEY AND THIS LEFTOVER FABRIC FROM THE BELLA WOMB I MADE OF FELT, I’M SORRY IT SMELLS LIKE CAT PEE.
