Yahoo just broke the first full-length trailer for I Am Number Four, the Spielberg/Michael Bay produced aliens-in-high-school movie directed by DJ Caruso, who seems to have completely lost his mind after Salton Sea (which was awesome).  It stars Alex Prettyfur as an alien on the run who hides out in high school (a la 21 Jump Street), where he falls in love with Dianna Agron (the hot one from Glee).  Timothy Olyphant plays his guardian, a role he won after Sharlto Copley wanted to wear alien ears.

The project is based on a young adult novel by James Frey (A Million Little Pieces) and Jobie Hughes. Seeking to capitalize on Twilight fever, Dreamworks bought the rights before the book was finished (a la Robopocalypse and Amp), which concerns a good alien on the run from bad aliens who’ve chased him to Earth.  At least it’s just his hands that sparkle this time. I can only imagine the thought process behind this one.  “Hmm, let’s see, we’ve got Cowboys vs. Aliens, aliens vs. Battleships, aliens vs. Michelle Rodriguez… why not aliens in high school?  C’mon, greenlight this and let’s do some blow.”

Dramatically adjusting your hoodie is the new looking like you have heartburn.

Dreamworks has just released the first trailer for the Michael Bay-and-Steven-Spielberg-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie, I Am Number Four, based on the forthcoming book series from James Frey (the Million Little Pieces guy) and Jobie Hughes.  It stars Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Kevin Durand, and Alex Pettyfer, whom I have renamed Alex Pretty Fur.  If you’ll remember, this is the film Sharlto Copley dropped out of in a dispute over alien ears.  Anyway, here’s the rundown:

In the film, an extraordinary young man, John Smith, is a fugitive on the run from ruthless enemies sent to destroy him. Changing his identity, moving from town to town with his guardian Henri, John is always the new kid with no ties to his past. In the small Ohio town he now calls home, John encounters unexpected, life-changing events — his first love, powerful new abilities and a connection to the others who share his incredible destiny.

His incredible destiny?  MIND BULLETS!  (*tries to bend spoon, poops pants*)

Meanwhile, in an incredible exclusive, I was able to obtain this footage of director DJ Caruso directing the action on set:

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EXCLUSIVE!  EXCLUSIVE!  EXCLUSIVE!

Sorry, that was just my Tourette’s acting up.  CLITORIS! BOOGERS!  Nonetheless, this story IS an exclusive (and keep in mind, my last two exclusives have since been confirmed by the trades).  Variety today reports that the awesome Timothy Olyphant will be replacing the similarly legit Sharlto Copley in I Am Number Four, the Michael Bay-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie.  This was Variety‘s official (read: not true) reason for the switch:

“Scheduling conflicts with his upcoming press obligations for Fox’s ‘The A-Team.’”

Right, as if Dreamworks wouldn’t have known his press obligations from the beginning.  Luckily, the real story is much funnier.  The real story, and I promise I’m not making this up, is that Sharlto Copley wanted wear a prosthetic nose and fake ears like Spock and look like an alien in the movie, while director DJ Caruso was adamant that the aliens were supposed to look just like regular humans, hence why they’re able to fit in.  This was apparently such a sticking point that neither would budge, and Copley left the project.  Haha, I love you, Hollywood egos.  What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall during that argument.

“But you said I got ta be da alien!”

“Nuh uh! You got ta be da alien last time!”

“I hate you!  I’m not guh be your friend no more!”

*grabs juice box, storms out*

*Michael Bay blows up a frog with a fire cracker*

Electronic Arts is teaming up with director D.J. Caruso to adapt their video game, Dead Space into a movie.  D.J. Caruso last did Eagle Eye and if you need an idea how crappy that was, just watch the alternate ending after the jump.  Here’s the game synopsis. 

“Dead Space” is set in the 26th century in deep space, where an engineer who responds to a distress signal from a mining ship finds the vessel infested with monstrous creatures called Necromorphs. The creatures are human corpses, reanimated by an alien virus. [Variety]

It’s just Event Horizon with a reductive explanation for the plot. And that explanation is “GRR, ZOMBIE VIRUS!”  In space, no one can hear you make derisive fart noises with your mouth.

UPDATE: This comment was too good not to include. RoboPanda says: “I accept your challenge. A headstrong, hot (but not too hot) 30-something career woman gets cheated on by her hot boyfriend and realizes she’s been in love with her hot coworker with whom she’s had an unexplained rivalry throughout the first two acts. Also, they’re all zombies. 40 Dresses Later in theaters this Secretary’s Day.”
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Heroes star Masi Oka has signed on to exec produce The Defenders, a movie based on an idea he pitched himself, about MMORPGS.  I have no idea what that means.  (*grabs nerd by collar, demands answers*)  Okay, I’m told it stands for massively multiplayer online role-playing games.  Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (Star Trek, Transformers) will produce, with DJ Caruso (Eagle Eye) in talks to direct and Gary Whitta (The Book of Eli) writing the script.

The story centers on a group of mostly teenagers from around the world who are involved in a multiplayer video game, each unaware of who they really are behind the cover of their consoles and avatars. They are forced to come together for a real adventure, becoming inadvertent heroes in the process.  DreamWorks will develop a video game simultaneously with the feature.  Oka came up with idea while playing MMORPGs.
“You can be whoever you want to be,” he said. “The question came to me: What if you had to live up to the person you created in the virtual world?” [THR]

So basically, how this went down was, Masi Oka was like, “I have an idea for a movie.”

And the other guys were like, “What’s it about?”

And Masi Oka was like, “It’s about guys playing video games.  I got the idea while I was playing a video game.”

And then the other guys were like, “Hmm, I like that idea.  Can it also be a video game?”

And then Masi Oka was like, “Yes, that’s a great idea.  I like playing video games.”    Because Hollywood is a glamorous place, you see.