Macgruber has two new trailers. I didn’t feel like posting them today because I’ve already posted like eight of these, and the new one is a PG version.  Which means they refer to Val Kilmer’s character, Dieter von Cunth, as “He goes by the name Dieter.”  Are we that puritanical that we can’t even say “Cunth”?  I know  people whose actual last names are “Kuntz” and “Slutsky”.  Crap, now I’m too busy giggling to remember what my point was. |ComingSoon|

Doug Liman may direct a Gambit movie based on a Coen Brothers’ script.  The script is a remake of a 1966 film in which Caine “played a cat burglar who tries to rob a billionaire of his priceless statue and enlists the help of a waitress who is a dead ringer for the victim’s late wife.”  Wait, what?  No exploding playing cards based on the comic-book character?  Pass.  Doug Liman was also listed as an executive producer on the Knight Rider TV remake, proving that no one in Hollywood ever fails at anything badly enough to get fired.|Deadline|

Ang Lee will direct Life of Pi IN 3D!  A good chunk of the book is kind of like Castaway, but with an Indian boy stuck on a life boat with a zebra, a hyena, and a tiger.  So, uh… good luck with that. |IndieWire|

Sharlto Copley says the District 9 sequel shoots in two years.  “There’s a million ways you can go. Neil’s actually very interested in prequels as well.  Neil wants it and I want it. Neil’s doing another film first. Then I think if everything goes according to plan we’ll do the second film in about two years time. That story can go in so many different ways. There’s a whole universe. I’m sure a lot of writers say that, but we actually have an entire universe.”  Do you?  As much as everyone throws that around, does anyone actually know what the f*ck that even means?  Whatever, dude.  Just explode some more prawns and everything’s cool.  |Empire|

According to Funny or Die, this is a little vignette called “Wikus and Charlize”, which originally played as an intro clip during the South African Music Awards (which is apparently something that exists).  In it, District 9′s Sharlto Copley reprises his role as Wikus van de Merwe, the Afrikaaner Steve Carell, and tries to convince fellow South African Charlize Theron to appear with him at the awards show.  I post it mainly because I know there are many of you who can’t get enough of Wikus from District 9.  I enjoy it too, even though Afrikaaners sound like scary witch people, and if I ran into one I’d probably burn it alive just to be safe.  This must be what they listen to while they wait for their babies to cook.

[ForD via Cinematical]

(“Come back later, I’m busy having sex with a Nigerian.”)

The Nigerian government is asking its cinema owners not to show District 9, which they say portrays Nigerians in a negative light.

“We feel very bad about this because the film clearly denigrated Nigeria’s image by portraying us as if we are cannibals, we are criminals,” said Information Minister Dora Akunyili.  “The name our former president was clearly spelt out as the head of the criminal gang [The Malawian actor, Eugene Khumbanyiwa, plays a gang leader with the nickname of Obasanjo, also the surname of former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo.] and our ladies shown like prostitutes sleeping with extra-terrestrial beings.”

But Mr Khumbanyiwa said Nigerians in the cast did not seem worried by the portrayal of their country. He suggested that the film, which depicts people wanting to eat aliens to gain the superhuman powers, should not be taken too literally.  “It’s a story, you know,” he said. “It’s not like Nigerians do eat aliens. Aliens don’t even exist in the first place.” [BBC]

What the reporters don’t tell you is that Khumbanyiwa was pantomiming alien sex and laughing when he said that.  In fact, in Malawi, sex involving an anal probe is commonly known as doing it “Nigerian-style.”  Which Nigerians are none too pleased about.  For perpetuating the stereotype, they say District 9 director Neill Blomkamp is now Nigeria’s public enemy number 2, just behind JuJu, the goat who causes miscarriages.

Okay, fess up: do you know anyone who saw The Final Destination this weekend?  I know a few people (biblically, boosh), and I’m pretty sure no one I know saw it.  Yet it made almost $30 million and was number one at the box office this weekend.  Which leads me to believe there’s a giant underground city out there somewhere full of  three million toothless Final Destination-loving yokels.  Now there’s your horror movie plot.  Wait, no — chick with huge tits discovers underground yokel city.  There, now it’s perfect.  Pay me.  ADDITIONAL FUN FACT: This week’s number one was originally slated for home video release.  That’s right, some movie execs actually overestimated the country’s intelligence level.  That’s it, I’m buying a helmet.

Elsewhere, Nikki Finke writes:

But even Hollywood is embarrassed by the fact that this weekend’s Top 4 competing films featuring horror, death, gore, mayhem, war, Nazis, aliens, and sci-fi all did so well at the box office. “What a sad statement on movie-going humanity,” a top studio exec emailed me. “And let’s look at the ratings for the top 4 movies at the box office tonight: ‘R’, ‘R’, ‘R’, and ‘R’. Yikes.”

Oh please. Hollywood is embarrassed about Nazis now? They make a new Holocaust movie every two weeks. Or does it not count as a Nazi movie if there’s also a pianist with Bell’s Palsy? And aside from Final D and H2,  Inglourious Basterds and District 9 clocked in at number two and four, and both of those are clearly films aimed at literate adults, which is about the best we can hope for in the age of G-Force and Paul Blart.  But I can see how the success of challenging, auteur-driven, R-rated flicks might be scary to someone who spends all day preparing Venn diagrams about Kevin James talking to zoo animals.  Dear “top studio exec”: F yourself.  F yourself in your huge vagina.

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(This is gonna be a hell of a bris)

Inglourious Basterds predictably took the top spot with $37.6 million, but unpredictably took in quite a bit more than expected and earned Quentin Tarantino his biggest international opening weekend so far, according to Nikke Finke.  The film has already earned back approximately half of it’s budget.  I kind of wish I didn’t want to see this movie, so I could recycle my own joke and say, “I can’t wait to nazi this.”

District 9 dropped almost 50% in it’s second week, earning $18.9 million.  It has now grossed 2.5 times its original budget. G.I. Joe dropped 44% in its third week, taking in $12.5 million.  It’s now earned back almost 70% of its budget.  I kind of want to see this in the cheap theater so I can feel like Luke Wilson in Idiocracy.  I’ll just feast my eyes at the human panoply surrounding me and then raise my fists and yell, “I am the king of the windowlickers!  Bring me shiny things and gobstoppers, peasants!”

Among the other films opening last weekend, Shorts opened at #6 with $6.6 million, Post Grad was #10 with $2.8 million, and My One and Only opened on four screens with a per screen average of $15,175.  IFC sent Five Minutes of Heaven to only one theater last weekend, where it earned $5,200.  Liam Neeson reportedly called IFC’s receptionist to leave a message:  If you send my film to more screens next weekend, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

(full top 10 below)
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