Disney could have picked any actor on the face of the planet to provide the voice of the lead character, Dusty Crophopper, in the upcoming Cars spin-off, Planes. Any actor. Any talented thespian with a history of providing range and emotion as a variety of unique and entertaining characters. Any actor in the world. Originally, Disney settled on Jon Cryer, assuming several thousand phone numbers went straight to voicemail, but then he dropped out of the film, and Dane Cook was selected as his replacement.

I don’t really care about Cook’s history of alleged joke-thievery or general douchebagginess anymore, but after watching today’s new trailer for Planes, I’m just wondering if the point was to find the first person available to show up and read lines.

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It’s always tricky casting a white actor to play a famous minority, so when Johnny Depp strapped a bird to his head to play Tonto in The Lone Ranger, those involved had to know they were going to take some heat for it (unless they’re complete idiots, and having seen Jerry Bruckheimer’s previous movies, the jury’s still out). I don’t think it’s always wrong for a white actor to play a non-white role, but if you’re an American Indian actor or an actor from another historically marginalized group, I can understand why you’d be pissed about one of the precious few roles specifically tailored to you going to a white dude. (Though for what it’s worth, Depp does describe his great grandmother as “quite a bit of a Native American.”). Meanwhile, Depp’s Lone Ranger co-star Armie Hammer, possibly the whitest man alive, says it wasn’t an issue at all, because the American Indians they talked to during filming (some of them paid consultants, presumably) all thought his kemosabe’s kabuki was hunky-dory. Hakuna matata and all that shit.

The actor turned up in Las Vegas with Depp last Wednesday to unveil 20 minutes of new footage from the film to movie theater owners at CinemaCon. Before being honored as the Male Star of Tomorrow at the conference a day later, Hammer defended his film’s depiction of Tonto, saying that the cast worked with many Native Americans on the project.
“They were nothing but excited about it. They loved it — they’re thrilled,” the actor said in an interview. “It’s so funny, because every Native American we talked to was like, ‘This is awesome! I’m so excited.’ And every white person we talked to was like, ‘How dare you cast a non-Native American?’ It’s like, the white people are the one who have the problem, but the Indians — the Native Americans — are like, ‘This is great. We love it.’” [LATimes]

Sure they did, but then again, the ones he talked to were probably hanging around craft services all day, and you know how those people get around the fire water (*pantomimes “glug-glug”*). What? What’d I say? I kid, I kid. On a serious note, Armie Hammer has to walk a delicate line defending the dubious decisions of people cutting him a huge paycheck, and as such it’s all but impossible for him not to say the occasional kinda dumb thing. I don’t have a problem with Johnny Depp playing an American Indian (not that it’s my place to…), but I do think it’s hilarious to watch them try to spin Johnny Depp starring in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie as some kind of tribute to the proud American Indian peoples. That’s basically like McDonalds calling their breakfast burritos a show of solidarity with the Latino community.

See also: Johnny Depp explains the origin of his bird hat.

While absolutely nothing is going to top that Patton Oswalt video from Parks and Rec in terms of Star Wars-related awesomeness, there is some actual Star Wars news to discuss today and I guess you could say that it’s pretty big. According to the Disney bros who spoke at CinemaCon today in Las Vegas, once Star Wars: Episode VII is released in 2015, there will be a new film from the franchise every year after that.

I assume that includes the little-talked-about spin-off, National Lampoon’s Camp Jedi: Episode Sithty-Nine. So how is the House of Mouse going to break the new films down?

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Pixar today announced that the previously-announced sequel to Finding Nemo will be called Finding Dory, and is set for release in November 2015. Yes, it’s Finding Nemo, but also another sequel, raising the question of whether Pixar is still Pixar, or whether they’re now just a name that Disney will slowly bleed the credibility out of for money. Mickey blows goats, I have proof.

Ellen DeGeneres, who provided the voice of Dory, an affable but forgetful blue tang fish, in the original film, said in a statement that she had been waiting a long time for the movie to be launched. “I’m not mad it took this long. I know the people at Pixar were busy creating ‘Toy Story 16.’ But the time they took was worth it. The script is fantastic. And it has everything I loved about the first one: It’s got a lot of heart, it’s really funny, and the best part is—it’s got a lot more Dory.”

Phew, I’m glad we’ve got a quote from the person who will do at least two days of work on the project.

The new film will be directed by Pixar veteran Andrew Stanton, who directed the original film. “Finding Nemo” which won the 2003 Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.

According to Stanton, the new movie is set along the California coastline about a year after the first film, and features such returning characters as Marlin and Nemo, as well as some new characters.

Only one of Pixar’s previous films, “Brave” (2012), has centered on a female protagonist. “Brave” won the Academy Award for Best Animated Film earlier this year. [WSJ]

Oh Jesus, thanks for bringing up the female protagonist thing again. Hey, can I just watch a movie without having to worry about my reaction being a litmus test for sexism? Thanks. Anyway, at the very least, Andrew Stanton gives me hope. Besides the original, he directed Wall E, which was amazing, and John Carter, which was a lot better than people said (it was silly and goofy and loud and big, pretty much exactly what it was supposed to be). And watching the original Finding Nemo was one of the all-time best marijuana experiences of my life. Probably less so for those kids I tried to pet on the way out, but hey, everyone needs an anti-drug.

I keep referring to Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez in Spring Breakers as “Disney princesses,’ but what this video presupposes is, what Spring Breakers starred actual Disney princesses? “Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter” FTW. |CollegeHumor|

Morning Links
Spring Breakers’ Director Harmony Korine’s Contentious, Hilarious Reddit AMA |UPROXX|

Replace The Fun. Song With Score From ‘Requiem For A Dream, Southwest Ad Becomes Evil |Warming Glow|

Phil Mickelson Does Not Enjoy Your Dumbass Questions |With Leather|

There’s A New ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Game On The Way. It Looks Weird. |Gamma Squad|

McDonald’s F*cking Awesome New Burger |Smoking Section|

Hello? This is Dog House. |CoolDogs|

KSK Mock Draft: Naming Peter King’s Website |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Gucci Mane Fell Asleep During Sex Scene |The Superficial|

Watch this child eat a ghost pepper. |Videogum|

The Curse of the Hometown Premium: Why Ed Reed and Brian Urlacher are leaving their longtime homes |Grantland|

Dog photobombs every photo in Craigslist apartment posting |The Chive|

Paul Rudd Is the King of Dating NBC Thursday Night Sitcom Stars |Vulture|

22 Vintage Photos of Animals Acting Like People |Mental Floss|

Ridiculous Karate Knockout |Clip Nation|

If Obama Was On ‘Arrested Development’ |HuffPost Comedy|

The Rich Kids Of Instagram Present: Cars You Will Never Drive |Giant Life|

The 7 Most Distressing Hook-Ups Of TV’s Favorite Will They/Won’t They Couples |Pajiba|

Fun With Game of Thrones Vectors |Unreality|

8 Cutting-Edge Fashions That Are Clearly Just Practical Jokes |Brobible|

Low Winter Sun: Trailer |High Definite|

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