Fall’s biggest comedy 2012 opens today, so it’s time for us all to care what Roland Emmerich thinks. On that note, the man recently took time out from masturbating to tsunami footage, telling MTV that he’s planning for not one, but two Independence Day sequels. To be titled “‘ID4-ever, Part I and II maybe?” I think he was joking, but on the other hand it’s Roland Emmerich.
“What we want to do in the next – it’s actually two movies – we want to do a bigger arc,” he explained. “‘Independence Day’ was always like the king who leads his troops into battle against an evil force, and that stays like that.”
Independence Day arc: Aliens land. Aliens blow sh-t up. WELCOME DA EARFF! Humans blow up aliens. So what might the “bigger arc” be? Aliens land. Aliens blow sh-t up. WELCOME DA EARFF! Humans blow up aliens. …Pool party? That’s how they’d do it on Entourage.
This is a screencap from the latest 2012 clip to hit the web (watch it below). The great thing about Roland Emmerich is that even within scenes of carnage on a global scale, he doesn’t forget the little things. “Oh my God, the western seaboard is on fire and falling into the ocean! AND MY SHOE’S UNTIED!”
He also doesn’t seem to care how blatant his product placement is. Not only is there this closeup of the Bentley logo, it’s accompanied by a “ting!” sound effect like it’s the tooth sparkle in an old Colgate ad. “Hooray, save us from disaster, magic car!”
Roland Emmerich’s epic disaster porn comedy 2012 has a new trailer, and GRR, CALIFORNIA’S STILL GOING DOWN! And so is the Jesus statue in Brazil, and the Himalayas, and Mecca, and anything else I can remember from geography! Save us, John Cusack, by bellowing like a constipated moose! Anyway, it’s basically the same footage we saw in the five minute clip they released the other day, so I’m not really sure what the point of this was. Then again, I’m not really sure how a plane can take off only to fly underneath a subway car either. Planes usually go up, don’t they? Chaos reigns! Down is the new up! The Mayans decreed it!
RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Which disaster movie had the best rough sex with our planet?
A five minute video from 2012 (see: ROLAND EMMERICH MASTURBATES TO CAR WRECKS) made its way around the net last week, and is already infamous for having some of the most ludicrous action ever committed to film. Now someone has re-cut that same five minutes into an “actors only” version (which lasts a whole 1:26). I like this version because there aren’t any giant collapsing buildings or gasoline trucks being sucked into the earth to detract from John Cusack’s guttural f’ck screams. I imagine Roland Emmerich-film acting is a lot like porno-film acting, only you don’t get to have sex, and the director has weirder fetishes. And it’s more embarrassing to tell your family.
Courtesy of Harry at AICN, here are five minutes of Roland Emmerich’s 2012. For which Harry’s headline is “5 Bugnuts Insane Wholly Beetledick Wow Minutes!” Seriously, the guy writes like Japanese ad copy translated into English with Babelfish*. Do you think he means the wow minutes are wholly beetledick? Or was he trying to shout “holy beetledick”? I guess it’s best just to move on.
Anyway, the video. It… is beyond ludicrous. It makes Transformers 2 look like a nature documentary. They drive through LA in a limo while the EVERYTHING COLLAPSES and all of a sudden they’re DRIVING THROUGH A SMASHING BUILDING! And then suddenly, they’re IN AN AIRPLANE FOR SOME REASON!! Why are they flying so low to the ground?? SO THEY CAN SEE THE SMASHING!! And then, and then… JESUS’S ARMS FALL OFF HIS BODY IN BRAZIL! Why would just his arms fall off? BECAUSE ASTEROIDS AND MONEY! God, this looks amazing. I guarantee you right now, Roland Emmerich is watching tsunami footage and wearing a ball gag while his mistress stomps on his nuts and makes explosion sounds.
