Every year since 1980 The Razzie Awards have honored the worst Hollywood has to offer. Their trophy isn’t shaped like a pile of shit, but it should be. This year’s nominees:
Worst Picture:
Speed Racer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, The Day the Earth Stood Still, High School Musical 3, The Hottie & The Nottie, Dungeon Siege, The Love Guru, Postal, Rambo, The Happening, Meet Dave, Witless ProtectionWorst Actor:
Zac Efron, Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), Will Ferrell, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, Mark WahlbergWorst Actress:
Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, The cast of “The Women,” Camilla Belle, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Diane Keaton, Jennifer Connelly, Zooey Deschanel [HOW DARE YOU!], Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria-Parker, Reese WitherspoonWorst Screen Couple:
Any couple from HSM 3, Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton & Joel David Moore, Kate Hudson & Dane Cook, Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey, Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy, Any couple from Mamma Mia, Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave), Al Pacino & His Hair, Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel, Mark Wahlberg & Mila Kunis, Sylvester Stallone & His EgoWorst Director:
Uwe Boll, Scott Derrickson, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Tom Putnam, Marco Schnabel, Sylvester Stallone, Jon Avnet, Diane English, Roland Emmerich, Brian Robbins, Kenny Ortega, M. Night ShyamalanWorst Prequel, Sequel, Remake or Rip-Off:
Indiana Jones 4, HSM 3, Rambo, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, An American Carol, The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Prom Night, Speed Racer, X-Files: I Want To BelieveWorst Career Achievement:
Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Madonna, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone
I’m crossing my fingers for a Seltzer-Friedberg sweep. Then when they show up to collect their awards and fake smile and pretend to be good sports, which they probably would because they’re huge tools like that, the trophy could squirt them with poison gas. Just a thought.
I will use any excuse to post these pictures
Tucked into a boring THR article about Lionsgate is confirmation of what many of use (especially Asians) had long feared:
On the development horizon are “Warrior,” which Gavin O’Connor co-wrote and will direct; “Conan,” a fast-tracked project with multiple scripts in the works; “Severance Package,” with Brett Simon writing and directing; “Rambo V,” to be written and directed by Sylvester Stallone; “Korean Wedding” from writer Jason Filardi; and “Kane & Lynch,” a video game adaptation that will star Bruce Willis.
Regarding “Rambo V,” we’ve already heard lots of rumors about it and now it looks like things are moving forward. One of the rumors is that Stallone will use an alternate script he wrote for “Rambo IV,” which involves Rambo’s daughter being kidnapped by cult leaders. [Worst Previews]
Keep in mind, Lionsgate is also responsible for the Saw franchise and Disaster Movie. And that Warriors is “a drama set within a family of mixed martial arts fighters.”
But it’s easy to see what the conflict will be in the next Rambo. “When you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin’… *cough, cough* F-ck, I’m out of breath. Jesus, how many stairs does this place have? Hoo boy, can a fella get an oxygen tank over here?”
Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra recently sat down for a CNN article called “Electra, Kardashian’s fitness and comedy tips.” Because, as you can see, Kim Kardashian is a muscular comedian.
Q: What made you want to do “Disaster Movie”?
Kardashian: This is my first movie and I’ve just heard that Jason and Aaron are the most amazing directors to work with.
Translation: Free food.
Q: What tips do you have for people pursuing a life in front of the camera?
Kardashian: Just stay close to your family, because they’re the real-est people ever and they will help you not change and not fall into the trap of Hollywood and the lifestyle, because it’s really not that serious and not that important for what’s really going on in your life. … Your real life happens when you meet the one and start a family and are just with your family.
Kardashian later added, “It also helps to film yourself getting boned. So I’ve heard.”
A loyal FilmDrunkard who claims to have been dragged to College the movie this weekend posted his review on Wikipedia (screencap at left). I don’t know what he has against Arby’s, but his assessment of the movie was in line with both critics and audiences. College debuted at number 15, earning only $2 million.
Meanwhile, Disaster Movie and Babylon A.D. also opened this weekend, and the three movies combined are tracking 18% on RottenTomatoes. That was mostly a result of College’s 14% recommended rating (Babylon A.D. was 4%, Disaster Movie 0%), which came from two positive reviews out of 14. Of those two, here’s what the one who also saw Disaster Movie had to say about it:
For the first time, the mere thought of imminent death seemed like a sweet, luxurious respite in comparison to the untold-in-number miseries being endured in that theater. Suddenly I was transformed, no longer afraid of my ultimate fate. For that (and only that), “Disaster Movie” deserves my gratitude.
And the business it did wasn’t any better, earning $5.7 million for seventh place. At this rate, it may not earn back its $20 million dollar budget, so perhaps this will be the last time the world has to suffer an Aaron Seltzer-Jason Friedberg movie. The ball’s in your court now, God.
This is the time of year when studios dump the crap they know no one will see anyway. Don’t believe me? Opening this weekend (click titles to watch trailer):
Babylon A.D.
Even the director says this sucks. I do not disagree, sir.
College (up top)
Ugh. That is all.
Disaster Movie
You know it’s good because Kim Kardashian’s in it.
Traitor
An action movie starring Don Cheadle based on an idea by Steve Martin. If this was any good we would’ve heard a lot more about it. The best thing I can say about it is that it looks like something I’d watch on an airplane.
There you have it, folks. This three-day weekend is a great time to be outside.
