Robopanda helped kick off the let’s-improve-older-movies-with-Iron-Man-and-AC/DC trend yesterday, with Iron Man punching Hugh Grant in the face. Today it continues, with Iron Man dirty dancing with Patrick Swayze.  Yes, yes, nobody puts Iron Man in a corner and all that.  If it sounds a little gay, it’s not, because there’s AC/DC playing over top of the whole thing.  AC/DC can un-gay anything.  You could be at a mojito bar in Chelsea watching Glee with your a cappella group, but you crank up some AC/DC on a boombox, next thing you know, BOOM!  Tits and whiskey.  I listen to AC/DC while I’m blowing guys, it’s awesome.

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   Not pictured: the corner

Via Movieweb:

Lionsgate is gearing up for a remake of the 1987 classic Dirty Dancing and has set Julia Dahl (Uptown Girls) to work on the script, according to Production Weekly.
The original starred Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey as a young woman in the summer where she meets Johnny Castle (Swayze) who teaches dance at a family Summer Camp and in his off hours Dirty Dances with the other dancers. She learns a routine so that one of the women can recover from an abortion and becomes Johnny’s lover [Ed. - That is dark as hell for a movie my 8-year-old classmates were into].

How are they possibly going to update this?  Is Baby going to win a booty shake (NSFW) competition?  Is Johnny going to throw dem poak chops?  Instead of an abortion, is Johnny’s girlfriend going to be raising money to have 12 embryos implanted so she can get a reality show contract? Oh well, if Julia Dahl messes this up, there’s always barber college.

~ robopanda

So Mean Magazine has this series called Cinemash where they take hip actors and have them re-enact older movies to create hilarious fish-out-of-water videos (or less optimistically, gasping-for-breath-while-slowly-dying videos).  In their latest (video below), Charlyne Yi and Channing’s Tatum do a Dirty Dancing scene, as re-written by Paper Heart director Nicholas Jasenovec.  It’s amazing how much funnier it gets just by making the original dialog 5% more verbose.

CHANNING: No, people treat me like I’m nuthin, ‘cause I am nuthin, baby. It’s got nuthin to do with you! Nuthin!

CHARLYNE: No! That’s not true!

CHANNING: No, you don’t know nuthin!  You’re just a little Jewish girl from New York.  You just got a cute little hook nose…  I’m balancin’ on sh*t here, baby!

CHARLYNE: What do you mean balancing on sh*t!

CHANNING: Like, I’m tryina keep my balance, on a piece of sh*t!

CHARLYNE: It doesn’t have to be that way!  You don’t have to balance on sh*t!

I love how they make it kind of excessive and self-referential.  Tarantino-ized it, say.  It’s like — whoa, time out, Channing Tatum shaves his pits?  Not cool, bro.  That’s up there with shaving your eyebrows on the weirdness scale.  Shaving your own armpits is basically the equivalent shaving someone else’s ass.

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