Diora Baird is possibly the hottest girl ever.  Tiny freckles?  Boobs that piss in gravity’s face?  Yes, please.  Normally, she looks like what you see above.  So I was a little surprised to find that in the Star Trek trading cards MTV discovered, she looks like this. …Why, God, why?

I know she’s playing an Orion Slave Girl (who have green skin) but they normally look like this.  They have light-green skin, they don’t look like they’re auditioning to be a space minstrel. This is like puking on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, as my uncle once did time for.  Between trying to make Diora Baird look bad and the creepy androgynous Spock, I’m beginning to wonder if JJ Abrams drinks from the penis-shaped bowl.  (too subtle?)

UPDATE: Having seen the film, I can confirm what a commenter or two has already pointed out – that the Orion Slave Girl in the picture is Rachel Nichols, not Diora Baird.  Why Diora Baird’s name was on MTV’s picture or why she was listed on IMDB when as far as I could tell she wasn’t in the movie is anyone’s guess.

Mr. Skin has released its list of the top 20 nude scenes of 2008, and since I know you were all on pins and needles, here it is:

1. Mischa Barton – Closing the Ring
2. Sophie Monk – Sex and Death 101
3. Heather Graham – Adrift in Manhattan
4. Asia Argento – The Last Mistress
5. Neve Campbell – I Really Hate My Job
6. Anna Faris – The House Bunny
7. Amy Smart – Mirrors
8. Mena Suvari – Stuck
9. Laura Ramsey – The Ruins
10. Angelina Jolie – Wanted
11. Penélope Cruz – Elegy
12. Jessica Morris – Role Models
13. Willa Ford – Impulse
14. Carly Pope – YPF
15. Jenna Jameson – Zombie Strippers
16. Jess Weixler – Teeth
17 Moran Atias – Mother of Tears
18. Vera Farmiga – Never Forever
19. Maria Bello – Downloading Nancy
20. Amy Adams – Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Let’s break this down: Mischa Barton – hmm, barely remember her, don’t care.  Sophie Monk (pictured) – okay yeah, I can see how she made the list.  Heather Graham, already showed her kitty in Boogie Nights. Asia Argento – is she ever not naked?  Neve Campbell – old, already been in Playboy… Wait, Anna Faris in House Bunny?  That movie was rated PG-13.  On that note, the MPAA says nothing about Wanted having nudity in it.  Bottom line, if it doesn’t have at least a nipple, IT’S NOT A F-CKING NUDE SCENE. What are we, Amish?

And how the hell does Jenna Jameson make the list?  She’s a porn star.  Unless she’s getting buttf-cked by a unicorn, pictures of her naked aren’t news.  They also included Carly Pope of Young People F-cking.  Cute, but know who else was in that movie? Diora Baird.  Diora Baird’s breasts could cure cancer.  And she’s not on the list.  Jesus Christ.  The people that compiled this should never be allowed to see tits again, because they’re obviously not capable of appreciating them.  Certainly not like I do, ladies.  That’s why I’ve got this pipe and magnifying glass, you see.

[via /Film]

I know what you’re thinking reading that headline, but sorry, they’re not that young. I mean, I’m not a priest. Anyway, IGN has some new potty mouth and bare breast-filled clips from the movie Young People F***ing. In the one above, Aaron Abrams yells at Carly Pope that he wants her to pretend she’s just a “giant pussy with feet.” Hey, I think that was Zac Efron’s nickname in high school. Zing!

The movie comes out on DVD in October, and stars Diora Baird’s breasts which deserve to be recognized as a World Heritage site. You can watch the boob-filled clip here. It features a guy watching another man have sex with his wife. I believe there’s a Spanish insult for that. In fact, I think all Spanish insults are words for that.

Someone calling himself Bjorksux sent me some screencaps from South of Heaven, a film scheduled to play the Cinevegas festival June 14th, starring the magically boob-licious Diora Baird. I highly recommend her Playboy spread (NWS).  The film isn’t on Mr.Skin’s radar yet, but my tipster claims it showcases both nipplage and chonch – always an important consideration for high-brow filmophiles like myself.  But if that’s true, why he chose to send me only the PG-13 screencaps remains a mystery.  Maybe I killed Jesus in a past life or something.

Here’s the teaser, but be warned: it’s really boring.

South of Heaven is a cinephile’s dream: A mix of film noir, Spaghetti Western, and Pee Wee’s Playhouse. The characters are unique, the world obscure, and the colors vivid. [Twitch]

By most accounts, Young People F-ing is as sexy and funny as its title, though perhaps not as sexy my movie pitch, Hot Chicks Pissing.

It stars Diora Baird (pictured), who is a talented actress and an amazing human being, and I’m not just saying that because her left tit is bigger than my head and almost as high.  Her right one is too, but it’d be cool if it wasn’t – everyone likes variety.  Plot:

"Young People F*cking" is a smart and fast-paced comedy that intertwines the stories of 5 couples over the course of one sexual encounter.

Anyway, you can watch the trailer after the jump or on the film’s official site.  If you need me, I’ll be, uh, showering.