When I heard Diora Baird was playing an Orion Slave Girl in Star Trek, I was rightly tumescent, because Diora Baird’s breasts are made from the laughter of children and that mixture of maple syrup and melted butter that dribbles down the side of your pancakes. Then the movie came out and deflated my wiener with the one-two punch of the lack of beautiful Baird breasts and Zachary Quinto’s intrusive eyebrows. Today, we can finally see the Diora Baird scene that didn’t make the movie. And it’s… an even bigger disappointment than her not being in the movie, somehow. Dear JJ Abrams: you hired Diora Baird for your movie and you kept her fully clothed? You’re worse than Stalin. You’re like Hitler, if Hitler had promised the Jews ice cream before he gassed them, and then kicked a puppy. Yours in undying hatred, Vince.
I also like how the scene involves Kirk apologizing to an Orion Slave Girl for using her. Dude, she’s a slave girl. It’s in the title. You don’t have to treat them like Dilythian Equality Womyn.
[video via ToplessRobot]
(*softly weeping*)
The trailer for Stan Helsing starts with “From one of the guys who brought you Scary Movie.” Which is kind of like starting an interview with the Anti-Defamation League “Hi, I’m Heinrich Himmler.” As if that weren’t bad enough, it also has Kenan Thompson in it, and halfway through the trailer he gets to put his painfully unfunny paws all over my girlfriend Diora Baird’s spectacular boobs, made from rainbows and the fur of newborn kittens.
“I’m not fair,” said the universe, when reached for comment. And if you were wondering whether the trailer has a record-scratch sound effect, you better f’cking believe the trailer has a record scratch sound effect.
Welcome to another installment of FilmDrunk’s ongoing one-sided love affair with Diora Baird (nude pics here, NSFW, obviously). CHUD reports:
I don’t follow many celebrities on Twitter anymore - most of them are dull as hell - but Diora Baird is a bright spot in my daily feed. Funny, smart and raunchy, Baird’s tweets are always worth reading. And yesterday they got semi-newsworthy.
Baird tweeted this:
Had an audition for the movie Thor today. Character description was ‘pretty, but sturdy with muscle’. Damn type casting.
I tried to get her to spill the beans as to who she would be playing, but all she would say was
I cant say. I’ll go to jail. For real. Had to sign my soul away.
Here’s her twitter, and I’ll post some of the more interesting tweefs below:
Diora Baird is possibly the hottest girl ever. Tiny freckles? Boobs that piss in gravity’s face? Yes, please. Normally, she looks like what you see above. So I was a little surprised to find that in the Star Trek trading cards MTV discovered, she looks like this. …Why, God, why?
I know she’s playing an Orion Slave Girl (who have green skin) but they normally look like this. They have light-green skin, they don’t look like they’re auditioning to be a space minstrel. This is like puking on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, as my uncle once did time for. Between trying to make Diora Baird look bad and the creepy androgynous Spock, I’m beginning to wonder if JJ Abrams drinks from the penis-shaped bowl. (too subtle?)
UPDATE: Having seen the film, I can confirm what a commenter or two has already pointed out - that the Orion Slave Girl in the picture is Rachel Nichols, not Diora Baird. Why Diora Baird’s name was on MTV’s picture or why she was listed on IMDB when as far as I could tell she wasn’t in the movie is anyone’s guess.
Mr. Skin has released its list of the top 20 nude scenes of 2008, and since I know you were all on pins and needles, here it is:
1. Mischa Barton – Closing the Ring
2. Sophie Monk – Sex and Death 101
3. Heather Graham – Adrift in Manhattan
4. Asia Argento – The Last Mistress
5. Neve Campbell – I Really Hate My Job
6. Anna Faris – The House Bunny
7. Amy Smart – Mirrors
8. Mena Suvari – Stuck
9. Laura Ramsey – The Ruins
10. Angelina Jolie – Wanted
11. Penélope Cruz – Elegy
12. Jessica Morris – Role Models
13. Willa Ford – Impulse
14. Carly Pope – YPF
15. Jenna Jameson – Zombie Strippers
16. Jess Weixler – Teeth
17 Moran Atias – Mother of Tears
18. Vera Farmiga – Never Forever
19. Maria Bello – Downloading Nancy
20. Amy Adams – Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Let’s break this down: Mischa Barton - hmm, barely remember her, don’t care. Sophie Monk (pictured) - okay yeah, I can see how she made the list. Heather Graham, already showed her kitty in Boogie Nights. Asia Argento - is she ever not naked? Neve Campbell - old, already been in Playboy… Wait, Anna Faris in House Bunny? That movie was rated PG-13. On that note, the MPAA says nothing about Wanted having nudity in it. Bottom line, if it doesn’t have at least a nipple, IT’S NOT A F-CKING NUDE SCENE. What are we, Amish?
And how the hell does Jenna Jameson make the list? She’s a porn star. Unless she’s getting buttf-cked by a unicorn, pictures of her naked aren’t news. They also included Carly Pope of Young People F-cking. Cute, but know who else was in that movie? Diora Baird. Diora Baird’s breasts could cure cancer. And she’s not on the list. Jesus Christ. The people that compiled this should never be allowed to see tits again, because they’re obviously not capable of appreciating them. Certainly not like I do, ladies. That’s why I’ve got this pipe and magnifying glass, you see.
[via /Film]
