Here it is, your headline of the day:

God bless the New York Post, doing the Lord’s work as always. The “EXCLUSIVE” is as funny as anything else. (*30s newscaster voice*) Doot doo doot dootoot doo doot… This just in! Lindsay Lohan dodges a burlap sack full of truck nutz hurled at the starlet by an obsessed fan! Back to you, Johnny!

Zac Efron was mortified to be caught hanging out at “Fantasy World” sex shop in NYC yesterday – even though he was just filming scenes for his new movie, “Are We Officially Dating.”

Jesus Christ, we already did “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached” THE SAME YEAR. How many different ways do we need to say “these two white people are f*cking”?

When he realized a photographer had caught a picture of him surrounded by an array of glowing dildos, Efron immediately halted shooting and rushed out to chase down the pap.

Interesting that they refer to a group of dildos as an “array.” Not a herd, a school, a murder, a gaggle, an armada? A quiver of dildos, perhaps? I like to pack my dildos like a medieval archer. Saves space.

“Zac was begging the guy to delete the pictures,” an eyewitness tells Page Six exclusively. “He kept telling him that he has so many young fans and he didn’t want them to see it.” The photog refused, so his reps were quick to publicize the news that it was simply a scene for the upcoming romantic comedy.

“Oh God, a grease fire! Quick, throw cognac on it”

But this isn’t the first time Efron has been caught in a similar situation: Back in 2008 he and then-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens were photographed shopping for a blow-up sheep sex doll in Los Angeles. [NYPost]

Relevant. We need the Post for important trivia tidbits like that. And, to go with the obvious joke, just so I don’t have to read it 10 times in the comments, this doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d be uncomfortable in a room full of penises:

[A supercut of movie characters saying "You son of a bitch." via TheDailyWhat]

Morning Links
New Dark Knight Rises Pictures: Bane’s Sideways Goatse Mask, Catwoman’s DSLs |Film Drunk|

The With Leather Guide To Not Mixing Up Brooklyn Decker And Kate Upton |With Leather|

Looks like someone used their Frotcast discount for Mother’s Day |via itmakesnosense|

Biff Tannen Has A Wordy Business Card That Answers All Of Your ‘Back To The Future’ Questions |UPROXX|

Alexander Skarsgard Impregnated The Entire Hollywood Premiere of ‘Battleship’ |TheSuperficial|

Check out this week’s Frotcast, with Hot Goss, Laremy & I talking Dark Shadows, and making fun of Miley Cyrus. |Frotcast99|

‘Prometheus’ Drops An Extended Featurette And 19 Photos |Gamma Squad|

TV GIFs of the Week |Warming Glow|

The 35 Greatest Animal Photobombers Of All Time |Buzzfeed|

The Human GIF |College Humor|

Liam Neeson Gets In The Cage With Andy Samberg |HuffPost Comedy|

The Founder of Mother’s Day Later Fought to Have it Abolished |Mentalfloss|

The ten worst box office hits of all time |Fark|

13 Things We Learned about “Parks and Recreation” From the Finale |Pajiba|

That’s Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend |Videogum|

10 Things You Didn’t Know About the Nintendo Entertainment System |Guy Speed|

Mega Man’s Final Upgrade |Unreality|

The 5 Weirdest Movies You Should See |ScreenJunkies|

Now This is the Worst First Pitch Ever |Brobible|

FOLLOW Vince on Twitter. FAN US on Facebook.

Three-Point Landing: The Supercut. Someone actually suggested we make this supercut like a year ago, but I’m lazy, so I just waited for someone else to make it. [DuncanRobson]

MORNING LINKS
Supercut: Kickboxer, Just the Kicking |Film Drunk|

10 Amazing Predictions For This Week In Sports |With Leather|

Steve Francis Returns…With A Rap Video |Smoking Section|

Some people have mini-Louisville Sluggers in their backseat for protection, and others think outside the box [via itmakesnosense]

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Old Gods and the New’ |Warming Glow|

The Best Of #Andy Dwyer |UPROXX|

This Wounded Veteran’s Transformation Is The Tearjerker Of The Day |Gamma Squad|

Mark Wahlberg Really Doesn’t Get How Glass Works |TheSuperficial|

13 Reasons Why Ken Jeong Should Host Saturday Night Live |Buzzfeed|

College Humor Original: Sex With The Hulk |College Humor|

The Late Movies: The Best Simpsons Songs |Mentalfloss|

WATCH: Kate Beckinsale Wants Republicans In Her Vagina |HuffPost Comedy|

Jay-Z just found his 100th problem |Fark|

Genius Child Abandons Idiot Family In Face Of Dinosaur Threat |Videogum|

The First Ever ‘Celebrities Without Makeup’ Post Not Designed to Humiliate |Pajiba|

Who Is the Hot Girl In The 2012 Agent Provocateur ‘The Chase’ Commercial? |Guy Speed|

Adam Yauch’s Most Cutting Edge Projects |ScreenJunkies|

Men Who Watch the World Burn |Unreality|

Here Are All 72 of Lionel Messi’s Goals This Season |Brobible|

A Dachshund and A Pug Fighting in Bee and Dinosaur Costumes With Whitney Houston Singing In The Background |High Definite|

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"Mmm, sparkle me, Edward. Sparkle me raw."

Well it’s finally happened, and I’m surprised it took this long.  Now the lonely women of the world can have their very own sparkly vampire wiener, and without the challenge of having to bite their lips and look alluringly constipated.  That’s because a company called

Who doesn’t love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That’s what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes it will.

The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow.

(*slow clap*)  Bra-vo, Mr. Twilight-Dildo Copywriter Guy, bra-vo.

Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling out to you in the night. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.

“Yes, for the full experience, take your Twilight dildo for a spin on a sunny day.  Heck, keep your curlers and bathrobe on, because who even cares anymore?  Screw the neighbors, it’s your front yard.”

Do you want to hear some customer testimonials?  I’ll answer that for you: you want to hear some customer testimonials.

Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently there was a running joke on the set of Inglourious Basterds, whereby if a castmember was caught sleeping, they would get their picture taken with a giant purple dildo.  And that giant purple dildo was named Gerry.  (I would’ve called it “Danny Masterson.”)

Actor Michael Fassbender admits he was one of the only castmates not to make the board – because he found ways of sleeping in secret. He tells WENN, “Big Gerry was a giant purple dildo, very large in girth and length. Basically, anybody that was caught going to sleep would get photographed with Big Jerry the dildo somewhere near their face and put up on the Board of Shame. The idea was three strikes and you’re out. This kind of really worried me because I have a tendency to nap. If I have 10 or 15 minutes you’d find me in a corner underneath something but I never got caught. Brad (Pitt) was up there once on the Board of Shame, Gedeon Burkhard got caught twice, Diane (Kruger) was on the board… There was a lot of people on that board.” [ONTD]

Well isn’t that cute.  It’s nice to see that even people living the dream, making the kind of movies most people can only dream of making, with some of the biggest stars in the world can still find the time to have fun.  Heartwarming, really.  It’s kind of like how sometimes I shower just to put on pajamas, and only because I can’t stand the smell of myself.  Blogging is so glamorous.  Hey, know who else has a wall of dildos?  You guessed it, your mom.