I’m the rare person who didn’t hate the last Die Hard movie.  The scene where he outruns the jet in a truck was unfathomably stupid and kind of ruined the whole thing, but other than that, it wasn’t terrible.  Which I guess is enough to warrant a sequel nowadays. Hey, maybe they’ll get someone good to write it.

Ruin my day, RiskyBusiness:

“Hitman” screenwriter Skip Woods is in negotiations with Fox to take a crack at a new “Die Hard” script.  The CAA-repped Woods has already co-written several tentpole projects for Fox, including “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” and the forthcoming TV adaptation “The A-Team.” He also wrote the original screenplay for “Swordfish.”

It’s funny, because I know there’s probably someone out there going ‘YES! I loved Hitman and Wolverine and Swordfish!”

And that’s why I’m breathing through this sweat sock soaked in ether.

(This is the actual shot-reverse-shot from the video below.  Apparently Bruce Willis looks like a black guy in a hoodie from behind.)

I have to admit, Live Free or Die Hard wasn’t as terrible as I thought it’d be (other than the scene where John McClane takes on a fighter jet in a truck, which was about the stupidest thing ever).  Still, there’s no need for another one.  But as Bruce Willis recently told MTV:

“There is no John McClane. I think we’re going to do a ‘Die Hard 5′ next year.   The John McClane that exists is only in film and in people’s minds. And it continues to grow, that mythology continues to grow.”

So… what you’re saying is, John McClane is fictional?? Noooo!  This makes me so sad I want to kill myself and live with the blue cat-monkeys on Pandora!  Anyway, it sounds like he thinks Die Hard 5 will happen, but there’s no clear plan in place yet:

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Danny McBride will star in Hench, based on (what else) a graphic novel about “a football player who suffers a career-ending injury and needs a job. He signs on as henchman to a successful villain.”  McBride will co-write with Eastbound & Down co-writer Shawn Harwell.  So, pretty much Eastbound & Down the movie then. I’m okay with that.  Danny McBride may not be athletic, but the man can sure swear. [Variety]

Columbia pictures bought the rights to the story of that dude who surrendered himself to Somali pirates in exchange for his crew’s freedom.  Sounds good, but… wasn’t this already a South Park episode?  [THR]

20th Century Fox hired Paul Verhoeven (Total Recall, Starship Troopers) to direct The Surrogate (not to be confused with The Surrogates). “Based on the 2004 book by Kathryn Mackel, the story centers on a couple desperate to have a child who find themselves in an unbearable position when they find out the surrogate they hired to carry their baby is insane.”  Uh… don’t all pregnant chicks go insane?  Anyway, Fox and Verhoeven is a good relationship, because no one can do trash like Paul Verhoeven.  I ordered a “Verhoeven” at a Dutch brothel once.  Once.  [THR]

BOOM! Studios (which is disappointingly unaffliated with Michael Bay) is doing a comic book called “Die Hard: Year One” about the adventures of John McClane before he yippie kai yayed Hans Gruber’s foreign ass off the Nakatomi Towers.  Let’s hope it stays a comic book.  Though I can already see the Fox execs moving their leg around like a dog when you rub its tummy. [ComicsContinuum via /Film]

Stella Artois recently financed several short films as part of their smooth originals/triple filtered films campaign – but don’t worry, the product placement is so subtle you almost don’t notice it.  The clip above is a parody of Die Hard 3, called Dial Hard, which imagines what Die Hard 3 would’ve been like if it was set in the 60s and European.  Inspector “Jean Meqlaine” answers a series of riddles from a mysterious woman named Simone (Simone says).  It’s more subtle than the football-to-the groin clips I normally post, but give it a chance, it’s pretty funny.  After the jump I’ve got 8 Kilometres, which turns Detroit rap battles into competitive beat poetry in French.  “Say bonjour to your wife, female canine.” 

They should’ve asked Terrence Howard to be in this.
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Director Renny Harlin, a man responsible for some of the most awesomely shitty movies in history (including Driven, as seen above, Deep Blue Sea, Cutthroat Island, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Cliffhanger, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane – yup, the Andrew Dice Clay movie, and Die Hard 2, by far the worst Die Hard), is right where he should be – directing a movie with the WWE’s John Cena.

"Story centers on a New Orleans police detective (Cena) whose girlfriend is kidnapped."  Hmm, that reminds me of something…

It’s Cena’s second outing toplining a feature, following 2006′s "The Marine," which is WWE Films’ most successful release so far, earning $22 million worldwide. [Variety]

Oh yeah.  Hey, what was the plot of that again? "Thieves on the run kidnap the wife of a recently discharged marine."  Nice.  But really this post was just an excuse to show you some of Renny Harlin’s greatest hits.  Check them out after the jump – it’s a must see.

Samuel Jackson gives a rousing speech in Deep Blue Sea

Cliffhanger – some of the best Stallone grimaces in history.

Die Hard 2 (Die Harder) – The TV Edit

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane – I can’t imagine why Andrew Dice Clay doesn’t get more work. He’s so convincing.

Cutthroat Island – Just watch the first 40 seconds or so of this. Hey, is that a Masterson brother?

The Marine – not Renny Harlin, still awesomely shitty.

More Die Hard 2 – four minutes and thirty seconds of pure action this time. When I go out, I hope I go out in slow motion like these guys.