Megan Fox complained about not getting to show much of her acting range in Transformers, in which she mainly had to run from stuff and make her tits bounce up and down.  This time around, in Jennifer’s Body, she gets to make her tits bounce up and down AND deliver totally fetch Diablo Cody dialog like:

“You need a mani bad.  You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation.”

“It smells like Thai food in here. Have you guys been f-cking?”

And, “Nice hardware, Ace.”

Because Ace is the name of a Hardware Store, you see.  Anyway, I know a lot of people hate Diablo Cody and her deliberately kitschy dialog, but cutesy dialog is the difference between a movie like this that works and one that doesn’t.  Plus, it’s got the criminally underrated Adam Brody.  All I’m saying is, if you want to hate Diablo Cody, don’t do it because of her writing, do it because she’s still calling herself “Diablo.”  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go buff my situation. (*bench presses Chinese chick*)

[via ShocktillYouDrop]

_{Birthday Dog looks at the camera because Birthday Dog is a f*cking professional.}

Over the weekend, the NY Times ran a feature on “The Fempire,” accompanied by the headline “An Entourage of their own.”  The group of Hollywood power womyn in questions?  Why, Diablo Cody and three chicks you’ve never heard of, of course.

Lorene Scafaria [who co-wrote Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist] and Diablo Cody are usually not a duo, but half of a quartet. With their pals Dana Fox, who wrote “What Happens in Vegas,” and Liz Meriwether, a playwright-turned-screenwriter, they make up a Hollywood powerhouse writing posse who call themselves “The Fempire.”

The Fempire’s solid front — all four wear the same gold necklaces with tiny heart pendants inscribed with words that can’t be printed here, gifts from Ms. Cody — seems to make some men nervous and envious at the same time.

You can find them at work in their Laurel Canyon homes in their pajamas, or sitting next to one another at laptop-friendly restaurants. To see them gathered amid the dinosaur topiary around Ms. Fox’s swimming pool with their dogs (they all have dogs) is to see four distinct styles of glamour that bear little resemblance to traditional images of behind-the-scenes talent.
…
Don’t even try to credit their bankability to their looks. “When you read a screenplay, it doesn’t come with a picture on the cover,” said Adam Siegel, president of Marc Platt Productions, a producer who is friends with all four women.

The totally not-condescending article then goes on to compare them to Entourage and the Apatow posse, and it’s all very empowering, because it communicates the message that girls can indeed do many of the things boys can do. *Spice girls pose*

First of all, I’m not a Diablo Cody hater. Aside from the annoyingly kitschy dialog at the beginning and the overbearing hipster rock throughout (whose inclusion probably had nothing to do with Cody), I actually enjoyed Juno.  There, I said it.  Still, this story’s about a movie I’m pretty sure they’ve already made 10 times.

Fox Searchlight has acquired rights to the upcoming [i.e., not even out yet] novel “Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament” by S.G. Browne. Cody will produce the zombie romantic comedy, marking her third collaboration with the studio following “Juno” and the upcoming Megan Fox starrer “Jennifer’s Body.”  [which was about "a cheerleader possessed by a demon who begins feeding off the boys in a Minnesota farming town."]
“Breathers” centers on a recently deceased Everyman and newly minted zombie who is having trouble adjusting to his new existence. All that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds kindred souls. [Variety]

OMG, that sounds so cute and hip and fetch!  We could call it a zomrombedy! And there’ll be tons of hilarious self-help references!  This is going to be the most kickin and blingy and meta and iPod and web 2.0 movie evar! I’m totally going to American Apparel this afternoon to get an outfit for the premiere.

^{If it’s a thumb war you want…}

Okay, admittedly that was a provocative and slightly misleading headline.  It should probably say “Diablo Cody Wrote a Blog”, because that’s more in line with what happened.  But I wanted to reflect that the blog in question is provocative and ass toy related.   In it, the Juno writer addresses all the hatin’ ass hata bitches dat been hatin’ on her.  Some highlights:

I may have won 19 awards that you don’t feel I earned, but it’s neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you’re not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren’t we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks? Hey, let’s go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!)

Hell yeah! I’ve always wanted to say it but was too afraid!  Wait, Black Kids is a band?  Aw, crap.  Hehe, moving along, nothing to see here, folks…

I’m sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you’re bitter.

Seriously though, bagging on a girl enlightened enough to put stuff in her butt is so not cool.

I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you’re spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I’m sorry if you think I’m like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby c*nt from 2002, but I like my fake name. It’s engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn’t.

Pssst… Queen Latifah might be bad example…

Listen: I’ve been telling stories my whole life. Even when I was a phone sex operator, I was the Mark Twain of extemporaneous jerk-off fiction. I took every perspiring creep on a f*cking journey. I don’t know how to do anything else. [MySpace]

So there you have it.  You’re either with Diablo or you’re with Seltzer-Freebird.  Personally, I’ve always thought the good parts of Juno far outweighed some of the annoying dialogue in the beginning.  And the stuff about putting stuff up her butt and doing phone sex really put her over the top for me.

I originally posted this picture a couple days ago, but then the site crashed :-(   It’s from the set of Transformers 2. I thought it would be good to use again with this story because she’s grabbing her boobs in it, you see.

Megan Fox has filmed a “really hot” lesbian love scene for her new movie.
The ‘Transformers’ actress romps topless in bed with ‘Mamma Mia’ star Amanda Seyfried in zombie film ‘Jennifer’s Body’.
A source said: “The two girls make out hardcore, rolling around in a bed. It was a really hot scene.”
In ‘Jennifer’s Body’, Megan plays a possessed cheerleader who goes on a killing spree murdering her male classmates.
Megan recently hinted she would be sharing a passionate smooch with her co-star Amanda, revealing: “I eat and seduce everyone. There’s a lot of kissing everyone – boys and girls. All kinds of craziness." [AZ Central - thanks to RoboPanda for the assist]

Megan Fox is kind of a big star now – ten bucks says they don’t show anything.  I hate when they call something a "topless" scene even if you don’t get to see any nipples. By those standards, that Lever 2000 commercial counts as a topless scene, and even though there was a little kid showering with his parents, it didn’t seem very sexy.  Quit trying to get us excited when you have no intention of finishing us off.  It’s like when girls wear revealing clothes and then act like they weren’t expecting to get raped.  Well excuse me, your majesty.

And yes, the comments are still down.  The tech guys are fixing the code so that, in their words, it will be "less gay."  Look forward to that.  In the meantime… what will I do without constant validation?!?!  ARRRRGGGHHHH!