(This is what Transformers whack off to)
As you can tell by Megan Fox’s nipples, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen premiered in the UK, and the first reviews are beginning to hit the web. I point this out not because giant robots punching each other needs the critical eye, but because apparently the movie features actual robo-testicles.
A notable moment occurs during the dementedly frenetic final act of Transformers 2. A robot-on-robot fracas is unfolding around Egypt’s Giza Necropolis, with Devastator, an especially massive mechanoid comprised of several construction vehicles, set on clawing its way to the peak of a pyramid. As it lumbers up the dusty colossus, a shot tilts up to its mid-section, revealing two wrecking balls dangling down. Yes, Michael Bay, the man who brought us cyber-micturition [that means pissing -Ed.] in this movie’s predecessor, has one-upped himself: Decepticon testicles. [...]
Dogs hump each other, robots hump human legs and the camera spends so much time ogling Megan Fox’s torso you start to wonder if it’s being operated by a 13 year-old boy. There are now 42 robots, including one that looks like a jaguar, one that can turn into ball bearings to access high-security areas and one in the form of a Dyson vacuum cleaner. [Empire Online]
When Michael Bay told execs he wanted the sequel to be like the first, “but with bigger balls!”, they thought he was being metaphorical. But Michael Bay doesn’t use metaphors, he uses C4. “C4 is the bomb,” said Bay.
A batch of new Transformers 2 pics have gone up over at IESB, and as you can see - GRRRR, ROBOT CROTCH BULGE! Anthropomorphizing the robots just gives them more… personality, ya know? Kinda like how in the first one, there was a jive-talking, break-dancin “urban” robot named Jazz who of course got killed in the first battle. I guess even in the robot army they make the black guy go first. Oh, and also you get to see a picture of “Devastator”. IESB sez:
In one totally sick shot, Devastator’s immense size is shown in comparison to everything around him. Plus Optimus Prime is looking tore up from the floor(board) up. [*air guitar* -Ed.]
Whooooaaaaa, dude, they totally zoomed out really far so they could CGI an EVEN BIGGER ROBOT in there! My mind is officially blown! The future is wow!
(Fictional man added for fictional scale)
The Transformers World 2005 message board (always an accurate source of information, I’m sure) has learned that Transformers 2 will have a character called Devastator, who will be made of seven giant transformers who combine to create an even more gianter transformer. Additional details:
- Seven construction vehicles merge to form Devastator
- Devastator has lots of upper body strength, like a gorilla
- Not just green, some of the vehicles are red and yellow
You know how Devastator got so strong don’t you? Robot pull-ups.
Let’s go now, concentrate on squeezing your lat-bots together. Oh yeah, that’s perfect bro, you’re looking so huge. Feel the burn all the way up your deltdroids. Oh my God, bro, you’re an animal! You’re a beast, you’re a f-ckin chiseled monster, bro, you’re gonna pound so much robo-vag. Let’s go now! Five more, you got this! Now squeeeeeeze! Finish strong you pussy!
