Some wise YouTube user recently put together this mash-up of The Greatest Movie Sandwiches, and I don’t mind telling you that the execution is as spot-on as the premise.  It’s also a fine trip through some of cinema’s finest performances.  For instance, no one could convey the subtle nuances of “homophobic lawyer” through a simple cheek-empouched pastrami on rye like Denzel Washington.  The man is technician.  I must however protest the exclusion of Sharon Stone’s tasty roast beef in Basic Instinct. Yes, thank you, I know where the corner is.  As a sidenote, I find adding “tasty” to any female anatomy adds an extra level of creepiness.  See also: “tasty vajayjay.”  As in, “Gee, Sharon, you’ve sure got a tasty vajayjay.”  Try it during role play at your next sexual harassment seminar.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here at FilmDrunk, we’re huge fans of the trailer for Tony Scott’s Unstoppable.  There’s just something compelling about a movie that keeps upping ante, dramatically.  There’s a runaway train, you say?  My God!  Wait, it’s not a TRAIN, it’s actually a MISSILE the size of the CHRYSLER BUILDING?  With NO AIR BRAKES? And Denzell Washinton’s KIDS are on the track?!?  NOT AGAIN! SOMETHING’S GOTTA BE DONE! I DON’T CARE WHAT THAT PENCIL-PUSHIN’ BUREAUCRAT SAYS!

Anyway, like I said, we love Unstoppable, so with the help of our video editor, Oliver, we decided to take the idea to its logical conclusion.  LOOK OUT, THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE TRACKS!  IT’S CUTE AND FUZZY AND POSSIBLY DISABLED!  Enjoy.

[additional thanks to Frotcast listener Gabe]

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, remember the Official FilmDrunkard?  I think someone found his brother at Coachella.

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Robopanda’s brilliant Pet Products That Are a Sign of Mental Illness. |Uproxx|
• Big Ben suspended for 6 weeks on account of having a big, ugly face. |WithLeather|
• Has L.A. Reid lost his mind? |SmokingSection|
• If you don’t like Party Down you can lick my balls, capitan. |WarmingGlow|
• Meet Drozid, the gun-toting, soccer-playing, beer-delivering, ghetto-blastin’, Armatronic robotic fridge.  |GammaSquad|
• Boy finds boobs in spectre issue from 1987. |ComicsAlliance|
• The 25 best sports nicknames. |SportsPickle|
• Woody Allen casts the French president and his bitch. |InsideMovies|
• Vanessa Williams sings and dances in lingerie. |InsideTV|
• The worst wives and girlfriends in literature. |Guyism|
• The weirdest bars in the world. |UnrealityMag|
• The top 10 Downfall parodies. |Ranker|
• A tribute to exercise balls. |HolyTaco|
• Awesome interview with Mickey Rourke. |ScreenJunkies|

[Thanks to Luchador and Chino for the tips]

USA Today has a new batch of pictures of Denzell Washington in The Book of Eli, from the Hughes Brothers (who, unlike the Coen brothers, are actual brothers – the cool kind).  If the pictures look familiar, it’s because this movie is a lot like The Road.

In a post-apocalyptic world, a lone hero (Washington) guards the Book of Eli, which provides knowledge that could redeem society. The despot of a small, makeshift town (Oldman) plans to take possession of the book. [Wiki]

In this frame, says co-director Allen Hughes, Elie comes upon a fork in the road. “Eli’s iPod has run out of juice and to the right is the road that leads into Carnagie’s (Gary Oldman) town.  Eli makes the decision to go into town, power up his iPod and refill his canteen.” [USA Today - a few more pictures there]

And the script was written by the editor-in-chief of PC Gamer, which is perfect because video game concepts are like movie concepts that have been warmed over and generalized. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go into town and power up my wrist for a dismissive wank.  A dismissive wank that will post the apocalypse.

This is the trailer for The Taking of Pelham 123 which is actually a remake of a 1974 film about a subway hijacking starring Walter Matthau. In this latest version, John Travolta and Denzell Washington play a couple of regular, working-class Joe Wifebeaters.  You can tell by their facial hair, you see. Anyway, this movie looks pretty boring.  But you know what wouldn’t be?  An Asian kid named “Denzell.”  Think about it.