In a perfect world, we could judge The Book of Eli totally on its own merits without comparing it to The Road.  But as a wise man named Will Smith once said, “Welcome da Earff.”  It looks like they took The Road, a book that was unique in its approach to the apocalypse, and said, “Hey, know what’d make this way more awesome?  Sword fights and bible references and Mila Kunis!”  Thereby turning an unconventional approach to conventional subject matter into a really conventional approach to conventional subject matter.  Or as I like to call it, a Vin Diesel movie.  The upside is, instead of Vin Diesel, this one has Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman and Cheddar Bob from 8-Mile.  Still, could use more tigers.

(that train engine is actually 60 feet long)

Variety reports that Rosario Dawson has just joined the cast of Tony Scott’s upcoming Unstoppable alongside Denzel Washington and Chris Pine. Scheduled to begin shooting this fall, Unstoppable comes from writer Mark Bomback who recently penned the screenplay for 2007′s Race To Witch Mountain (oh great, so we’re in good hands then).

Unstoppable, a 20th Century Fox drama about a runaway train carrying a cargo of toxic chemicals. Pits an engineer and his conductor in a race against time. They’re chasing the runaway train in a separate locomotive and need to bring it under control before it derails on a curve and causes a toxic spill that will decimate a town. [IMDB]

The script is loosely based on actual events, which probably means that Mark Bomback once owned a train set…then again, maybe it’s actually based on the time that Denzel Washington and Chris Pine stopped an unmanned train. I don’t know, how should I know? I’m not the one who told you to cheat off me during this test. Well, regardless of whatever the hell it actually means to say that something is “inspired by true events”, I do believe that Mitch Hedberg said it best:
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After the jump I’ve got the trailer for The Book of Eli, from the Hughes Brothers and Denzel Washington.  The cool thing about Cormac McCarthy’s The Road is that it’s a post-apocalyptic story that isn’t really about what caused the apocalypse, nor is the plot concerned with saving humanity.  Basically, it’s a post-apocalyptic story that isn’t a generic post-apocalyptic story. Meanwhile The Book of Eli looks like it began as someone reading The Road and then going, “hmmm, how can we turn this into a generic post-apocalyptic story?”  

Denzel Washington stars as a lone warrior named Eli, who fights his way across the desolate wasteland of near-future America to realize his destiny and deliver the knowledge that can bring civilization back from the brink of destruction and save the future of humanity.

Denzel Washington is “the one,” you see, but the bad guys want to kill him.  He’s like a cross between Jesus and Keanu Reeves!  Haha, “a cross”, get it?  Biblical references, everyone! (*fart sound*)

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