1994

The existence of the movie Tammy and the T-Rex, starring Denise Richards and Paul Walker, seems like one of those pieces of internet lore that everyone on the cool message boards already knew about (and didn’t tell me), but the YouTube video only has 11,000 views when it should have at least 11 million, so I’m considering it a Forgotten Classic for our purposes.

Directed by Mac & Me‘s Stewart Raffil, who should get some kind of bizarre-movie lifetime achievement award for these two titles alone, Tammy and the T-Rex stars a pre-breast implants Denise Richards and a be-bellyshirted Paul Walker in those heady days of 1994. It has a plot that I could try to explain, but I think I’d rather just copy the trailer narration word for word, because this is like dada-ist poetry:

Everything in Tammy’s life is just great. But when you’re young and in love, life can get VERY complicated.

(*cut to shot of Paul Walker eating a rose*) [Note: It is never explained why Paul Walker is eating a rose]

ESPECIALLY when it involves an INSANELY JEALOUS creep.

(*cut to a fight, including the line “DO it, Billy! Do it!”, which belongs in every film*)

Late night phone calls. Sneaking around in your own house. Your boyfriend getting dumped in a wild animal park. And a crazy doctor… who turns out to be a MAD SCIENTIST.

…with an insane invention, that only needs a brain.

But THIS Tyrannosaurus Rex just wants to be a PARTY ANIMAL.

This narration should be in a museum.

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By now you’ve no doubt heard about Charlie Sheen being rushed to the hospital by his ex-wife this morning, but I’m just going to pile onto this gangbang like one of Charlie Sheen’s hookers.  Turns out our country’s highest-paid TV star and leading ugly shirt wearer was found coked up and naked in a trashed hotel room, and was taken to a hospital accompanied by his ex-wife, Denise Richards, who was staying at the same hotel.  Other highlights:

Sheen’s representative says the actor was taken to a hospital after an allergic reaction to medication. The spokesman, Stan Rosenfield, said Sheen is expected to be released Wednesday.

That medication?  Uncle Twitchy’s Famous Throat & Nostril Anaesthetic. (It’s the wonder powder!)

Security at the Plaza Hotel on Fifth Avenue called 911 around 2 a.m. where they found the actor who appeared highly intoxicated, sources said.  Richards accompanied Sheen to New York/Presbyterian Hospital, according to reports. Sheen was reportedly in New York on a family vacation. [CBSNewYork]

That family vacation?  The kind where you leave your wife at home and hang out with hookers:

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