Another day, another person with a secret porn past. As Gawker reported last night, the recently-crowned Miss Delaware Teen USA, Melissa M. King, resigned after a video surfaced on GirlsdoPorn.com (NSFW, duh) that appears to show someone who looks a lot like King. The girl in the video says she turned 18 three months earlier and that she needs the money, just prior doing the kind of stuff people usually do in porno (pretty tame for XXX, actually, the guy even wears a condom. not that I’ve watched.). King has so far denied that the girl in the porn is her, but asking us to believe that she’s resigning because a girl in a porno just reeeally looks like her would require a Shyamalan-esque leap in logic.

In a phone interview with The News Journal on Monday, King said she was aware of the video, but denied appearing in it.
“Absolutely not,” she said. “It is not.”
Of the porn site’s claim [that the girl is her], she said: “There are comments saying this; however, it’s not comments that are true.”
Asked if the woman in the video is just someone who closely resembles her, King said, “Um, I’d rather not be talking right now, but yeah.” [DelawareOnline]

A very pageant-girl doublespeak answer. “Yes, you are correct in saying that there are comments saying this, however those are comments that are not true. So in a sense, everyone’s right. Now, let’s talk about the bigger issues, like childhood hunger.”

I always feel a little bad reporting stories like this. Of course it’s titillating, because the only thing hotter than finding out a “barely legal” porn girl is actually barely legal is knowing that a porn girl is a real person, who wears socks and eats food and has normal, wholesome hobbies like regular peoples (and I don’t mean pageantry, which is clearly perverse). I promise, if a stripper came out in a hoodie and lounging-around clothes instead of the normal stripper gear, she would absolutely clean up. That said, a big part of my enjoyment of porn is the fantasy that, for the girl in the video, the whole having-sex-on-camera thing is perfectly natural. I engage in a type of magical where I assume that me and the porno are actually helping this nice young lady find this judgment-free arena, away from the prying eyes and tutting fingers of our evil puritanical society, where she can finally be herself. Which of course involves her sharing her most intimate sexy times and willing bukakke face for our enjoyment. A story like this, where the girl characterizes the whole escapade as this big mistake that she made one time that she’s going to regret for years to come sort of punctures that bubble.

Once you move on in life people shouldn’t try to use your past against you… Let them be happy

— Melissa King (@Melissa_M_King) February 23, 2013

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have the most conflicted boner right now. On a serious note, I wish her all the best. People who judge the performers in the porn we all watch are the worst kind of hypocrites.

Three daycare workers in Delaware have been arrested for allegedly “encouraging toddlers under their watch to fight for sport.” Whoa, ladies, what are you trying to do, win the award for awesomest day care ever?! THE FIRST RULE OF TODDLER FIGHT CLUB IS… YOU’RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO POSSESS THE VOCABULARY NEEDED TALK ABOUT TODDLER FIGHT CLUB!

According to police, Tiana Harris, 19, Lisa Parker, 47, and Estefania Myers, 21, were captured in a cell phone video egging on two three-year-old children to get physical for the fun of it at the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware.
In the footage, taken in March, a toddler’s voice is heard crying out in pain, ‘He’s pinching me,’ as the little one tries to break free from a scuffle with another youngster.
Shockingly, the voice of one of the workers responds, ‘No pinching, only punching’ as the worker guides the child to stay in the fight zone at the center.

7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.

‘Clearly one of the children is crying and does not want to continue on and he is pushed back into the fray by one of the adults,’ Dover Police Captain Tim Stump told KYW-TV.

3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out the fight is over. Okay, I think they might have actually broken this one.

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I don't know, Tyler, why don't you tell us, and be sure to reference Jesus.

The Delaware Supreme Court recently overturned a fine against a theater stemming from an incident in which a theater manager warned black patrons not to talk loudly during a Tyler Perry movie.  Oh, is that a stereotype?  I hadn’t heard.

The Delaware Supreme Court overturned a decision by the state Human Relations Commission that the manager of a Dover cinema was racist when he used a “condescending tone” in telling a crowd of largely black patrons viewing a Tyler Perry movie to silence their cell phones and remain quiet.

The commission had ordered the Carmike 14 Theater to pay nearly $80,000 for violating the Delaware Equal Accommodations Law after it determined the October 2007 announcement [during a screening of Why Did I Get Married] — which was not regularly made in that way in other theaters — “insulted, humiliated and demeaned” patrons in that manager David Stewart had singled out a black audience at a “minority-themed” movie.

Some patrons later said Stewart’s tone “was offensive and condescending, as if he were speaking to children.” And because the crowd, which had been well-behaved to that point, was “90 to 95 percent” black, some felt it was racist because it implied that blacks did not know how to behave in a movie theater.

One person in the theater who stood up and announced her opinion that the manager’s actions were racist was Juana Fuentes-Bowles, then the director of the state’s Human Relations Division, according to the ruling. Fuentes-Bowles, who apparently did not announce her title but said she was “an attorney or someone who worked for an attorney,” then collected names and phone numbers of patrons who were offended. [DelawareOnline]

“How dare they further these false and hurtful stereotypes!” said Juana, demanding respect, rolling her neck and snapping her fingers in a circle.  …I kid, I kid.  But seriously, I’m sad it got overturned.  The theater deserved that fine.  It was a screening of a Tyler Perry movie. People are going to talk at the screen. That’s a cultural thing.  You don’t go into a Katherine Heigl movie and make the dumb sorority girls remove all the Tiffany’s jewelry their boyfriends bought them, or show up at a Michael Bay movie and start giving spelling tests.

Masturbation-hating, non-witch Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell has a new campaign ad out.  Why is it on FilmDrunk, you ask?  Why, because it’s a fake movie trailer referencing the “they rapin’ errybody out there” guy, of course.  It seems that despite having to clarify that she isn’t actually a sorceress in her last ad*, Christine O’Donnell is quite savvy in the ways of the viral video, managing to nail two crucial internet video techniques, the fake trailer and the reference to other recent video.

“HIDE YOUR WILL…  HIDE YOUR LIGHTS… ‘CAUSE HE’S TAXING EVERYBODY OUT HERE.”

Oy.  First politicians on Twitter, now this.  And here I assumed they’d just now be discovering Keyboard Cat.  Anyway, it’s clever of O’Donnell to go after her opponent’s web-savvy base like this.  In order to compete, I hear he’s going to have to catch the greased-up Mexican at the next Tea Party squirrel feed.

*It’s one thing to tell people you’re not a witch, prove it.  They should’ve filmed that commercial with Christine O’Donnell on a scale next to a duck.  Christ, people, do I have to explain everything?

[via Videogum]