Opening this weekend:
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Get it? It’s funny because he’s f-cking fat!
Hotel for Dogs
You see, son, this is whole idea is just silly. They already have hotels for dogs. They’re called Animal Shelters. The doggies get to come and stay for free and eat their favorite food and play with the other doggies for up to six whole weeks, and then they gas them like Jews in Nazi Germany. Sleep tight.
My Bloody Valentine in 3-D
Wow, this movie’s in 3-D? You don’t say. I hadn’t heard that. I’m sure it’ll be really good because they’re marketing it really hard without saying anything about the plot. Probably because they don’t want to ruin it. Because it’s so good.
I defy you to find a movie where the actors talk in accents sillier than this the whole time. Borat is seriously pissed he got passed over for a role. Meanwhile, Daniel Craig is only slightly less Jewish than Paula Deen from the Food Network.