All the stars are back for Red 2, which loses director Robert Schwentke and picks up Dean Parisot, who did both the delightful Galaxy Quest and the virulently unfunny train wreck, Fun with Dick and Jane. And what is a sequel to Red if not a perfect showcase for an auteur?! I kid, of course. So between this, Bullet to the Head, The Last Stand, the six Expendables movies, etc., we really don’t get tired of watching 60-year-olds shoot stuff, huh? I wonder if John Malkovich will get his bullets switched with his Viagra pills before a big assassination with the Japanese. So much wackiness would ensue! It’s weird to me that Tarantino makes a movie about slavery and never stops getting asked about “normalizing violence,” yet every year, at least 20 of these “(INSERT STAR HERE) is a spy” movies come out where the entire trailer is nothing but sanitized murder, and no one bats an eye. My guess is that by the time a reporter actually puts pen to paper, she’s forgotten the entire movie even existed.

Oops, I meant to say THIS LOOKS GREAT! BRUCE WILLIS IS FUN! HURPITY DING DONG PEW PEW!

Don’t look so shocked, dudes – A sequel to Bill and Ted 3 is something we’ve been hearing about since at least

Vulture hears exclusively that a long-thought-impossible third Bill & Ted film is coalescing — and yes, both Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter are attached to star.

Original Bill & Ted creators Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson have also attached Dean Parisot (Galaxy Quest) to direct their script. Unlike so many recent studio remakes, which have simply recycled old material for a new generation, Solomon and Matheson took the unusual step of writing their third Bill & Ted script on spec in an attempt to ensure a take that would address where Mssrs. Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esq. are in their lives today as opposed to being a reboot or remake. Insiders tell Vulture the hope is to make a mid-priced studio comedy like Hot Tub Time-Machine.

Slapshot, released in 1977 and starring Paul Newman, is one of the best, if not the best, sports films ever made.  And now, it’s being re-made.  Okay, Vince, let’s settle down here.  Let’s figure out who’s involved before we do anything rash…

Peter Steinfeld (“21″) is penning the script, with Dean Parisot on to direct.  When Steinfeld took the writing job and spoke about it last summer, Internet pundits were critical of the notion of updating a favorite sports film. Yet such nostalgic resistance certainly did not hurt The Longest Yard, remake, a global hit that grossed far more than the original.  Parisot last helmed a remake of another comedy “Fun With Dick and Jane.” [Variety]

21 was one of the most insanely mediocre piles of cinematic oatmeal I’ve ever seen. Fun with Dick and Jane was impressive only its unfunnyness.  Really, a movie as unfunny as Fun with Dick and Jane is an achievement.  Then again, maybe you’re right, Variety writer guy.  I mean, hardly a day goes by that I don’t hear someone say, “Hey, you know what was a great flick? That remake of The Longest Yard with Adam Sandler.” or “That Longest Yard remake is my favorite movie ever,” or “Call me crazy, but for my money, compared to that remake of The Longest Yard, Citizen Kane looks like child porn.”