Not so fast, metal dude and fish boy.

The other day we talked about how Marvel Studios was possibly going to screw the pooch by casting Adam Sandler to voice Rocket the Raccoon in Guardians of the Galaxy, but the good news to take away from that was that at least Marvel was actually casting. On the other hand, it’s another day and another rumor for Justice League, which has a writer, villain and possibly a storyline, but still has no director or cast. Oh, and it has a targeted release for the summer of 2015 to nut up to the Avengers sequel, so you could say that this movie is an absolute mess right now.

But DC and Warner Brothers work in baby steps, because they supposedly have the main heroes finally picked out. According to the comic movie scoops at Latino Review, 2015 is going to be a terrible year for Aquaman fans.

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Last we checked in on the cinematic punchline that has been Warner Bros.’ dream for a Justice League film, it seemed as if the joke was on us. Not only is the incredibly ambitious Justice League moving forward, but a lot of people believe that Joseph Gordon-Levitt will soon make his Caped Crusader debut, as the ending of The Dark Knight Rises seemingly foretold. Indeed, it is predicted with some mild speculation that JGL could show up in an upcoming DC film like next year’s Man of Steel, a lá Marvel’s Nick Fury traipsing through all of the films related to The Avengers.

Alas, Levitt’s people have tossed Kryptonite on that rumor for now, but we do finally have some actual, honest-to-Zod Justice League news on the hot burner today – the producers have picked a villain, and his name is Darkseid.

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My DC comic book knowledge is pretty limited, so please forgive my ignorance, but apparently the new animated Batman films, The Dark Knight Returns Pt. 1 and 2, are putting a new twist on the old storyline of Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Tim Drake. That twist? Robin’s got some boobs now.

Returns is based on Frank Miller’s four-part series from 1986, which features the newest Robin as a 13-year old girl who helps a 55-year old Batman save Gotham from all the same-old-same-olds and you-know-who’s.

One of the most influential comics of all time, the Dark Knight Returns is set in a near future where Batman is retired and Gotham City has slid into a dystopian state ruled by a gang of hooligans called The Mutants. The 55-year old Bruce Wayne is forced to don the cape once more, this time partnering with a female Robin to not only stop the Joker but keep the peace when the city falls into chaos after being hit by an electromagnetic pulse. (Via the Hollywood Reporter, which also revealed some exclusive images)

As for the animated actors and roles, Batman is voiced by Peter “RoboCop” Weller and his new tween sidekick will be voiced by Modern Family’s Ariel Winter.

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WB and DC comics are set to make a Flash movie, and they may have found a director.  Debuting in 1940, the most important thing to know about The Flash is: “It is understood that Flash wears no underwear as it is impractical and uncomfortable at high speeds. The tight fitting spandex provides him all the support necessary throughout his rigorous movements.” [Wiki].  Did anyone else just get painfully throbbing erection?  I should be wearing my spandex onesie.  For support.

IESB has learned exclusively that WB is lining up a director for another high profile DC character; Greg Berlanti is the leading contender to helm “The Flash”.  Berlanti wrote “Green Lantern” with Marc Guggenheim and was once attached to direct the film before WB settled on Martin Campbell. From what IESB is hearing WB is very high on Berlanti from his prep on “Green Lantern” and would love him to run with “The Flash”.

I’m sure Greg Berlanti is the perfect choice.  After all, he created Everwood, and who could forget Everwood?  Certainly not me.  Why just the other day I overheard a young couple discussing their Everwood-themed wedding.  I told them I thought it was a capital idea.

DC Entertainment’s Chief Creative Officer Geoffrey Johns recently revealed via Twitter that Sherlock Holmes‘ Mark Strong would be playing Sinestro in the Green Lantern, currently filming in New Orleans with Ryan Reynolds and Casino Royale director Martin Campbell.  Johns also revealed a preference for waffles over Waffle-O’s, but people seemed more interested in the Sinestro thing.  The announcement refutes an earlier rumor that Jackie Earle Haley would play Sinestro.

I started to read the Wikipedia article on Sinestro because the only thing I know about Green Lantern is that he doesn’t seem to actually carry a lantern.  I mean what. is. the deal.   Sadly, the article is more than 5,000 words.  But from what I gather, Sinestro has basically the same powers as The Green Lantern except he’s kind of a dick. Meanwhile, if you’re keeping score at home, the page on the Darfur conflict has about 4,000 words.   Well done, nerds.  Hey Africa, how does that pwnage taste?  Is it like food?  Oh right, you wouldn’t know.