^{Breaking news: Twilight fan cleans her house}

By this point it’s fairly well-established that Twilight (aka Dawson’s Crypt), Stephenie Meyer’s vampire abstinence parable, is popular among undersexed housewives.  Leading up to the release of her most recent book, Meyer asked that Twilight message boards be shut down to keep from posting spoilers.  And then, well, I’ll let MTV explain it:

Suddenly blessed with several weeks of “Twilight”-free chatter, the TMs [Twilight Moms] decided it was time to clean house, quite literally. Participants snapped “Before” photos of their sloppy homes, then got to work washing their “Team Edward” sweatshirts, cleaning up after the kids, and dusting off all the neglected non-“Twilight” novels on their bookshelves. Once the TwilightMoms forums re-opened, they posted their “After” pictures.

Wow, talk about shattering stereotypes.  All this time I thought Twilight fans were burly truckdrivers. Come to find out, many are actually bored housewives mentally stuck in pre-adolescence.  Says indignant commenter ShellieBear:

Stephaenie Meyer, the Mormon Anne Rice and author of the Twilight book series, has halted work on her latest book, Midnight Sun, after part of it was leaked online.  As she explains, waah waah waah.

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn’t mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn’t like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn’t dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I’d rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes.

Thanks, Steph, describing someone reading your unfinished writing as a violation of your human rights has taught us all a valuable lesson.  It’s almost like being raped, or hip-thrusted at by a poor person.  See this?  It’s the world’s smallest wanking motion, and I’m making it just for Stephenie Meyer and her stupid books and her stupid misspelled name.

[RopeofSilicon]

Some footage from the Dawson’s Crypt panel at Comic-Con has showed up online (more on Twilight fans here).  It’s basically four minutes of abstinence-parable fans screaming their lungs out.  The stars and their stupid hair sort of try to answer questions, but the audience pretty much drowns out anything they say with their screams.  This kind of fan reaction has been around since Elvis, and I’ve never quite understood it.  OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU!  I’M GOING TO YELL SO LOUD THAT NO ONE CAN HEAR ANYTHING YOU SAY!!!! AAAAAIIIIEEEGGGGGHHHH!  AIIIIEEEEEGGGHHH!

AIIIIEEEEEGGGHHH is the sound that love makes, apparently.

[Check out the clip at Empire]