Making a Tarzan movie sounds like a horrible idea, but if you’re going to do it, you might as well cast a tall, handsome, Swedish version of Ryan Gosling that loves to party like Alexander Skårsgard. I’m not saying he’s handsome, but theaters should probably invest in a gutter system to collect all the melted panties. Skårsgåååård is reportedly director David Yates’ (Harry Potter) first choice for the role, and it’s nice to see handsome people finally catch a break.

An imposing physical presence at 6’4″, Skarsgard is Yates’ choice to play the vine-swinging hero, sources tell Variety.

Skarsgard doesn’t have an offer and the studio hasn’t finalized any casting decisions for the film, which has yet to go before the studio’s greenlight committee. However, with a summer start date being planned, it is expected to be greenlit before the end of the year, as WB is high on Yates and wouldn’t tie up his schedule with a movie it has no intention of making.

Should Yates convince Warners brass to sign off on Skarsgard’s casting, the Swedish thesp would play John Clayton III, known around the world as the famous “ape man” Tarzan. Years after he’s re-assimilated into society, he’s asked by Queen Victoria to investigate the goings-on in the Congo. Tarzan teams with an ex-mercenary named George Washington Williams to save the Congo from a fierce warlord who controls a massive diamond mine.

Wait wait wait, so it starts with Tarzan wearing a suit talking to the queen, and he has to go back to the jungle  and keep from going native? Holy crap, this is like the movie version of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. JUST TAKE MY TEN DOLLARS ALREADY! Oh, and did I mention it’ll be a 19th century colonial interracial buddy-cop movie where one of them is an ape man? Because sh*t yeah, that just happened:

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Good news, nerds. (I think?) Your beloved Doctor Who television show is set to become a movie from Harry Potter director David Yates. Though according to Yates, it won’t follow the storyline from the TV series. Hopefully that means no British people. EEK, ACCENTS ARE SCARY!

Yates, who directed the last four Potter films, told Daily Variety that he is about to start work on developing a “Doctor Who” movie with Jane Tranter, BBC Worldwide’s L.A.-based exec VP of programming and production.
“We’re looking at writers now. We’re going to spend two to three years to get it right,” he said. “It needs quite a radical transformation to take it into the bigger arena.”
“Doctor Who” follows the adventures across space and time of a super-intelligent alien in human form, who battles a variety of cosmic bad guys aided by plucky human companions.
“The notion of the time-travelling Time Lord is such a strong one, because you can express story and drama in any dimension or time,” Yates said.
The series ran from 1963 to 1989, and then was successfully rebooted in 2005 by writer Russell T. Davies and subsequently by Steven Moffat (“The Adventures of Tintin”). Tranter oversaw the revival when she was the BBC’s drama topper in London.
Yates made clear that his movie adaptation would not follow on from the current TV series, but would take a completely fresh approach to the material.
“Russell T. Davies and then Steven Moffat have done their own transformations, which were fantastic, but we have to put that aside and start from scratch,” he said.
Yates and Tranter are looking for writers on both sides of the Atlantic.
“We want a British sensibility, but having said that, Steve Kloves wrote the Potter films and captured that British sensibility perfectly, so we are looking at American writers too,” he explained. [Variety]

I’ll probably end up in a Warcraft dungeon with a Bat’leth up my ass for saying this, but I tried to watch Dr. Who once on a plane and I was just confused (also, British TV has a way of looking like it was filmed on a cell phone in a dingy office building). But seeing as how it involves time travel, I’m holding out hope that there will be velociraptors.

“Oh, ‘ello, guv. Top a da mornin’ to ya. Say ol’ chap, did you ‘appen ta catch oo won lahst noight’s cricket match onda footy pitch– OH GOD NO!”

(*elevator arrives at your floor, filled with dead Englishmen and velociraptors*)

USA Today published the first picture from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1, the seventh Harry Potter movie.  I don’t really care about Harry Potter either way, but compared to Twilight, it’s nice that JK Rowling can at least write at above a fifth grade level.  Anyway, it appears this one’s about Ron Weasely’s struggle to distract from his face and hair by pairing stripes with checkers and plaid.

The first installment of the two-part Deathly Hallows finds young wizards Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) struggling to find their way in the Muggle (human) world, with their own lives in the balance and the fate of the magical realm in their hands. -USA Today

In related news, Video Business also talked to director David Yates, who confirmed that Daniel Radcliffe will appear naked at one point during the last two movies.
In one scene, “a horcrux [carrying a piece of Voldemort's soul] defends itself by producing nightmarish visions, and one shows Hermione and Harry embracing and kissing,” explained Yates. “It’s something intriguing and sensual for Rupert to react to, and Dan will be bare for that.” -ComingSoon

Jesus Christ, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe will be naked together while Rupert Grint watches?  They’re gonna have to use a special filter to film that. JJ Abrams might have to come collect the lens flares for his next Star Trek movie.  I haven’t seen that much pale skin in the same room since I skinned those pale chicks.