People like to badmouth the choice of Zack Snyder to direct Warner’s Superman reboot, Man of Steel, but if you throw out Sucker Punch, which was indeed terrible, he did a decent job with The Watchmen, and if you can handle Dr. Manhattan, it seems to follow that you should be able to handle Superman, who’s just Dr. Manhattan with underpants. Anyway, here’s the latest trailer for Man of Steel, screenplay by David S. Goyer and Christpher Nolan, starring Henry Cavill as Superman, Dianne Lane as Martha Kent (way too attractive to be named “Martha”), and cameos from Kevin Costner as Pa Kent, Russell Crowe as Jor-El, Michael Shannon as General Zod, and Amy Adams as Lois Lane. There don’t seem to be any Justice League hints, thank God, but neither does Zod flog himself or drown any Jews a la Boardwalk Empire. Call it a wash.

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After the jump, I’ve got the first two teasers from Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel, starring handsome Brit Henry Cavill, with Russell Crowe, and Amy Adams. All our superheroes are played by British and Australian guys now, because young American actors can’t reach adulthood without the Disney Channel turning them into lesbians anymore. Anyway, the teaser is mostly b-roll-type footage, where Superman, sporting a mountain man beard, starts out working on a crab boat. At some point he’ll have to master his own destiny and shave off his beard and become the hero we know he can be, because Jesus Christ, that happens in every action movie. Just once I’d like to see a hero whose destiny involved a sick Fu Manchu. Anyway, it’s hard to tell whether it will be a good movie just yet, but it already looks like an awesome jeans commercial.

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Cool lens, bro

Last week, I reported that Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) was one of five directors on the short list to direct WB’s Chris Nolan-produced Superman reboot (yes, I’m starting to hate that word too).  Snyder was my top choice for the job, and would you look at that, according to Deadline this afternoon, he’s got it.  My guess?  In the third act, Superman kills a pterodactyl with his giant blue wang.

Deadline spoke with Zack Snyder, who confirms that as soon as he completes post on Sucker Punch, he’ll move right into the Man of Steel. “I’ve been a big fan of the character for a long time, he’s definitely the king of all superheroes, he’s the one,” Snyder told Deadline. “It’s early yet, but I can tell you that what [screenwriter] David [S. Goyer] and Chris have done with the story so far definitely has given me a great insight into a way to make him feel modern.

Faster than a speeding bullet!  Slower than the slowest super slow-motion shot that ramps up to regular speed!   Eh, what can I say?  Like I said, I think Zack Snyder is a good choice.  And knowing that the guy once had his stunt men fight each other dressed like owls to choreograph Legend of the Guardians, I bet he’s got a room full of models in capes and body paint shooting “test footage” right now. He has them pretend to fly by jumping off the couch.  And onto his dong.

"That's right, bro, it's a lens. Sick, right?"

WB and Legendary pictures have to get their Superman movie made by 2012, because in 2013, some of their rights revert back to the heirs of creator Jerry Siegel (and god forbid those worthless catamites get nickel of this).  Back in February, WB hired Chris Nolan to “mentor” the process.  A few weeks after that, we heard David S. Goyer (co-wrote Batman Begins, story credit on Dark Knight) was writing the script.   Now, according to Deadline, Chris Nolan and producer Emma Thomas have a shortlist of possible directors.  BOOM!  HERE THE F*CK THEY ARE!  (That’s just how I roll, homey).

• Tony Scott (recently of Unstoppable — it’s like a missile the size of the Chrysler building!)
• Matt Reeves (Cloverfield, Let Me In)
• Jonathan Liebesman (Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Clash of the Titans 2)
• Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code)
• Zack Snyder (Watchmen, 300, Sucker Punch)

Nolan is reportedly meeting with candidates and will submit his choice to the studio in a few weeks.  Tony Scott is out of the question, because nowadays he only does movies about trains (though Superman is faster than a speeding train — discuss).  Matt Reeves… haven’t seen Let Me In yet, but… meh.  Jonathan Liebesman… double meh.  I still haven’t seen Duncan Jones’ Moon (no homo), but everyone says it’s amazing.  I believe them, but it’s always hard to predict what’ll happen when a director goes from smaller projects to blockbusters, and whether he’ll let the studio walk all over him or not.  I’m all for Zack Snyder.  He made the supposedly un-adaptable Watchmen and almost pulled it off.  Imagine the fun he could have with Superman.  But something tells me Superman doesn’t have enough zombies or owls or swordfights or hot chicks in spandex for Zack Snyder’s tastes.  Come to think of it, Superman is a little boring.  He’s like Steve Young with superpowers.