Here’s my photo essay for Comic-Con Day 2.  Yes, this post goes on forever and there are lots of pictures.  Deal with it (*sunglasses*).

This day included more fun on the exhibition floor, and even though I waited in line for two hours and still missed a panel moderated by my hero, Patton Oswalt, it was mostly a good time, and I even made it into both the Children’s Hospital and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World panels (more on those later).  And all I had to do was shed my inhibitions toward blatantly cutting in line.  Suck on that, wheelchair kid! I got a wish you can make! (*grabs crotch*)  Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself (ooh, “cutting in line,” “getting ahead of myself”; wordplay!). Oh, and for the record, I’m making a goofy face in that banner pic.  But rest assured, I’m still pretty godd*mn goofy looking.

To the bat photos!

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Just a mini-update for now: This was the David Hasselhoff party bus that pulled up out of nowhere as I was coming back from lunch.  It was filled with scantily clad ladies and the Hoff spearheaded the front of the bus, Hasseling the assembled horde with a medley of his hits, such as “Hooked On a Feeling,” the singing of which is considered a hate crime in 37 states.  You might also notice some excessive butt closeups about three quarters of the way through the video.  I apologize for that.  I had the camera zoomed all the way in to try to Hassel as much of the frame as possible with the Hoff, when all of a sudden a bunch more ladies danced by and abruptly distracted me with their gyrating buttox.  I couldn’t zoom out fast enough.  I am ashamed. (It should be noted, the last one is especially badonkadonkalicious).

Anyway, I was too far away to tell if The Hoff was sh*t canned, and I didn’t see him eating any floor burgers, but it was two o’clock in the afternoon. Let’s face it, dude was butthoused.

I’ll have a full gallery (in much more manageable gallery form this time) going up tomorrow, but in the meantime, here’s me and a nice lady from the Lionsgate booth (Buried and The Expendables).  She seemed put off by me asking if the “Get Buried” exhibit included “full release.”  Relax, lady, it’s a fair question.

I think she likes me, you guys!  Wish me luck!  (*bats eyes, clicks tongue, puffs inhaler*)

^{Can’t remember where this picture came from.}

Sorry I couldn’t work a question mark into this headline, but I should have because the story is highly dubious.  According to Radar Online, who claimed an exclusive, David Hasselhoff was rushed to Cedars-Sinai by his 16-year-old daughter and ex-wife, where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. Which is easily the funnest kind of poisoning.

This time the vodka-guzzling “America’s Got Talent” judge registered a staggering .39. alcohol level. Drunk driving in California is .08.  [Radar]

Holy sh*t, .39 Blood-Alcohol Content (if by “alcohol level” that’s what they mean and I assume they do) is not recreational-alcoholic-overdoing-it level alcohol poisoning, it’s Ukranian-vagrant-chugging-windex level alcohol poisoning.  TMZ, also claiming an exclusive, quotes Hasselhoff’s lawyer as saying Hasselhoff was fine and that the story was cooked up by his ex-wife in order to further discredit him.  What’s the real story?  I don’t know. I don’t even care. I just needed an excuse to watch this puffy doofus eat a hamburger off the floor again.
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Anaconda 3: Offspring (‘They can taste your fear’) hits DVD shelves today, and after the jump I’ve got your first clip.  While no one matches the panache of Ice Cube in Anaconda 1 (“So zactly how beeg… is dis snake?”), there are still a couple things to look for in this clip.  First, the Hoff shouting, “Nobody wanted this, man!” at about the 1:14 mark, channeling Bill Paxton in Aliens.  He then adds utterly nonsensically, “I’ll tell you a little about the military in this country:  They’re about as reliable as a bottle of Jack at an AA meeting.”

Huh.  Well personally, I’ve always found bottles of Jack to be rather lazy, but maybe I’m thinking of Jose Cuervo… Anyway, the Hoff finishes off his big monologue with yet another confusing one liner:

“You got two choices: you go home with a great snake story, or you go with me.”

Dammit, man, you can’t imply that they’re mutually exclusive!  Did you learn nothing in cheesy b-movie pickup line school?  Amateurs. Observe:  “Stay here if you want, but if it’s a great snake story you’re after, you can always come home with me.” Let me know if I need to F her for you too.
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Straight from the WTF files comes the news that two Anaconda sequels (that’s number 3 and 4, if you were counting) are currently in shooting in that hotbed of Hollywood production, Romania.  Ice Cube was in the first one but wouldn’t come back for the second, so they got some dude named Johnny Messner.  Apparently he’s not coming back for the third, so now they’ve got David Hasselhoff. 

Both of the flicks are being shot in Romania by Don E. FauntLeRoy, the cinematographer turned director who has no less than three Steven Seagal movies under his belt… both flicks will premiere on the Sci-Fi Channel [before going straight to DVD - duh]. [Cinematical] 

Hey, didn’t Hasselhoff make like a bajillion dollars on Baywatch?  Says wikipedia (who keep taking down our FilmDrunk entry, bastards):

"According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Baywatch is the most watched TV show in the world of all time, with over 1.1 billion viewers." 

That’s a sixth of the world’s total population. And the dude’s making snake movies in Romania?  I know divorces are expensive, but they can’t be that expensive.  And sure, you’ve got a couple kids, but how much could those possibly cost?  It’s not like you have to feed them every day.