[via Screen Junkies]

MORNING LINKS
Mitt Romney saw Twilight with his wife
|Film Drunk|

Joe Sinclito (AKA Joe King) returns with more of his movie pitches. Joe King? Joking…ohhhhhhhh. |Frotcast|

Saw this picture of David Hasselhoff trying to slide across the hood of KITT dressed like Captain Hook on TheSuperficial, and I thought it could use a little Photoshop. Seemed like a good idea at the time. – Vince

The 10 Most Confusing Sexy Chloë Sevigny GIFs |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Jeremy Renner And Maroon 5 |Warming Glow|

Orlando Magic Cheerleader Falls, Gets Wrapped In Plastic By Nerdy ABC
News Troll |With Leather|

Remembering Better Times: 10 Pictures That Prove George Lucas Used To Be
One Cool Dude |Gamma Squad|

The Five Marvel NOW! Books We Can’t Wait To Read |Smoking Section|

A.J. Green Is Good At Awesome Touchdown Catches |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Darwin’s exceptions |theChive|

Robert Pattinson Really Hates “Twilight,” A Supercut |Buzzfeed|

The 33 Hottest Olga Kurylenko Pictures of All Time |Ranker|

7 Things You Didn’t Know About Sign Language |Mental Floss|

And Here’s Kim Kardashian At The Marine Corps Ball That She Left In The
Middle of Dinner |The Superficial|

This Test Answer Is Technically Right… |HuffPost Comedy|

Wait, Does This Book Club TV Show Sound Good Or Bad? |Videogum|

If Your Dad Wrote TV Titles |College Humor|

Dumb Ways to Die |Holy Taco|

The ten most evil monkeys in pop culture. Missing from the list: Grodd
|Fark|

Jon Bon Jovi’s Daughter’s Drug Charges Were Dropped Because She Overdosed
On Drugs |IDLYITW|

Summer Glau Is Here To Kiss Your Twinkie Pain Away |Pajiba|

Granny Panties Overdub |Clip Nation|

Deadpool and Boba Fett Do Disney World |Unreality|

Craigslist Heroes: Bro In Chicago Really, Really Wants a Girlfriend Only
for the Holidays |Brobible|

The Impact of Twitter on Journalism |High Definite|

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Garant (left) and Tom Lennon, authors of the fantastic book, "Writing Movies for Fun and Profit"

When I read that there was actually (and, well, finally) a Baywatch movie in production, I unleashed a groan that shook Mother Earth to her very core. “Why, almighty Cthulhu,” I screamed while pounding my head against my desk in slow motion. Alas, I read on and thankfully my woe and concern has turned to hope, as not only will this big screen adaptation of the iconic-yet-horrible lifeguard series be a comedy, but it has been written by Peter Tolan (Rescue Me) and will be produced by Ivan Reitman.

And if that’s not good enough for you – it wasn’t really good enough for me – The State and Reno 911! alum Robert Ben Garant is set to direct, and that makes me as happy as two inbred brothers hitting themselves on the head. Of course, with Garant’s writing experience, a lot of people think that he’s going to kick Tolan’s script to the curb and do his own, which could be good or bad, because Garant also wrote Taxi. Hey, we all get one free pass.

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The Hollywood Reporter today has one of those stories that sheds light on the scummy underbelly of Hollywood, where shady producers and once wide-eyed rubes sue each other over bounced checks and broken promises, all because they couldn’t agree on who should control a project. And the real loser in all this? You and I, the viewers, who’ll probably never get to see Beverly Hills Ninja 2 now, starring David Hasselhoff. No, really, that was the jumping off point. Multiple people thought it would be a good idea to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars making a sequel to the worst movie from Chris Farley, a guy with the charisma to carry an entire film by himself, starring David Hasselhoff, a guy who couldn’t even hold a hamburger.

Last year, Mitchell Klebanoff, who co-wrote the original and was tapped to direct the follow-up, won a lawsuit against  Korean investors who bought rights to the franchise from Sony. An arbitrator in the dispute determined that the investors hadn’t properly terminated him as a director and awarded him nearly $262,000.

A person can make a quarter mil for not directing a David Hasselhoff movie!? That settles it, I’m going to find my guidance counselor and kick him right in the nuts. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t direct a David Hasselhoff movie.

More recently comes a lawsuit from Jay So, who, in perhaps the saddest part of the lawsuit, was once a scholarship student and a best picture-winning graduate of AFI, who says he was unlawfully terminated by investors and stiffed on his promised $100,000 producing fee. For trying to produce Beverly Hills Ninja 2. Starring David Hasselhoff. (Really, I can’t stress this part enough).

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Piranha 3DD has a trailer and you can watch it below. The gist of it is that the piranhas have invaded a water park this time. Yes, a water park. At least this way, you can sterilize your bite wounds with all the Mexican pee. Also, David Hasselhoff is there for some reason. Oh, and Ving Rhames has a gun for a leg. This looks good.

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I was planning to wait for a non-buttcam version of this joke to show up online, but it hasn’t happened, so I’m posting it anyway.  I just liked that even while Devil is still putting “From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan” in their trailer (please tell me that was in his contract), the Shyamalan name has become a joke.  I exaggerate so little when I say that. His name actually came up during the David Hasselhoff Roast. Even worse, it wasn’t even the punchline, it was the setup:

Pam Anderson’s vagina is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie: 10 years ago everyone wanted to see it. Now when people see it, they come out and they’re like, what the f*ck was THAT? Was it an alien?  Was it dead?  And what was Mark Wahlberg doing in there?

Whitney Cummings, everybody.  I would argue her segment wasn’t quite as good as Gilbert Gottfried‘s, but she did a Magic Johnson’s-AIDS-blood joke that endeared her to me forever.  According to her blog, she did another one about Lost (for you TV fans) that didn’t make the broadcast:

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