Piranha 3DD has a trailer and you can watch it below. The gist of it is that the piranhas have invaded a water park this time. Yes, a water park. At least this way, you can sterilize your bite wounds with all the Mexican pee. Also, David Hasselhoff is there for some reason. Oh, and Ving Rhames has a gun for a leg. This looks good.

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I was planning to wait for a non-buttcam version of this joke to show up online, but it hasn’t happened, so I’m posting it anyway.  I just liked that even while Devil is still putting “From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan” in their trailer (please tell me that was in his contract), the Shyamalan name has become a joke.  I exaggerate so little when I say that. His name actually came up during the David Hasselhoff Roast. Even worse, it wasn’t even the punchline, it was the setup:

Pam Anderson’s vagina is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie: 10 years ago everyone wanted to see it. Now when people see it, they come out and they’re like, what the f*ck was THAT? Was it an alien?  Was it dead?  And what was Mark Wahlberg doing in there?

Whitney Cummings, everybody.  I would argue her segment wasn’t quite as good as Gilbert Gottfried‘s, but she did a Magic Johnson’s-AIDS-blood joke that endeared her to me forever.  According to her blog, she did another one about Lost (for you TV fans) that didn’t make the broadcast:

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Here’s my photo essay for Comic-Con Day 2.  Yes, this post goes on forever and there are lots of pictures.  Deal with it (*sunglasses*).

This day included more fun on the exhibition floor, and even though I waited in line for two hours and still missed a panel moderated by my hero, Patton Oswalt, it was mostly a good time, and I even made it into both the Children’s Hospital and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World panels (more on those later).  And all I had to do was shed my inhibitions toward blatantly cutting in line.  Suck on that, wheelchair kid! I got a wish you can make! (*grabs crotch*)  Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself (ooh, “cutting in line,” “getting ahead of myself”; wordplay!). Oh, and for the record, I’m making a goofy face in that banner pic.  But rest assured, I’m still pretty godd*mn goofy looking.

To the bat photos!

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Just a mini-update for now: This was the David Hasselhoff party bus that pulled up out of nowhere as I was coming back from lunch.  It was filled with scantily clad ladies and the Hoff spearheaded the front of the bus, Hasseling the assembled horde with a medley of his hits, such as “Hooked On a Feeling,” the singing of which is considered a hate crime in 37 states.  You might also notice some excessive butt closeups about three quarters of the way through the video.  I apologize for that.  I had the camera zoomed all the way in to try to Hassel as much of the frame as possible with the Hoff, when all of a sudden a bunch more ladies danced by and abruptly distracted me with their gyrating buttox.  I couldn’t zoom out fast enough.  I am ashamed. (It should be noted, the last one is especially badonkadonkalicious).

Anyway, I was too far away to tell if The Hoff was sh*t canned, and I didn’t see him eating any floor burgers, but it was two o’clock in the afternoon. Let’s face it, dude was butthoused.

I’ll have a full gallery (in much more manageable gallery form this time) going up tomorrow, but in the meantime, here’s me and a nice lady from the Lionsgate booth (Buried and The Expendables).  She seemed put off by me asking if the “Get Buried” exhibit included “full release.”  Relax, lady, it’s a fair question.

I think she likes me, you guys!  Wish me luck!  (*bats eyes, clicks tongue, puffs inhaler*)

^{Can’t remember where this picture came from.}

Sorry I couldn’t work a question mark into this headline, but I should have because the story is highly dubious.  According to Radar Online, who claimed an exclusive, David Hasselhoff was rushed to Cedars-Sinai by his 16-year-old daughter and ex-wife, where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. Which is easily the funnest kind of poisoning.

This time the vodka-guzzling “America’s Got Talent” judge registered a staggering .39. alcohol level. Drunk driving in California is .08.  [Radar]

Holy sh*t, .39 Blood-Alcohol Content (if by “alcohol level” that’s what they mean and I assume they do) is not recreational-alcoholic-overdoing-it level alcohol poisoning, it’s Ukranian-vagrant-chugging-windex level alcohol poisoning.  TMZ, also claiming an exclusive, quotes Hasselhoff’s lawyer as saying Hasselhoff was fine and that the story was cooked up by his ex-wife in order to further discredit him.  What’s the real story?  I don’t know. I don’t even care. I just needed an excuse to watch this puffy doofus eat a hamburger off the floor again.
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