David Fincher’s The Social Network doesn’t officially open until this Friday, but for weeks now it’s been playing film festivals and special screenings (notice how a studio will bend over backwards to show you a film when they know it’s good? Never believe the “this movie is for fans not critics” hype).  Throughout this time, it’s managed almost universally positive reviews, including 35 reviews on RottenTomatoes, all 35 of which with certified “fresh” ratings (a grading system first devised by LL Cool J in 1988).  The question now becomes not whether The Social Network is any good, but what will Armond White say, the man who became the first of 135 critics to trash Toy Story 3 (while simultaneously praising Transformers 2) and called Resident Evil “superior to Inception on every level.”

His Social Network review should be do any day now, so start taking bets.  My money’s on him hating it.  Dude loves nothing more than puttin’ the whole system on trial, usually via the word “verisimilitude.”  Seriously, Armond White loves that word. Here’s what he had to say about 94% fresh rated The Town:

None of these stereotypes, handed down from The Departed by way of Mystic River, are real characters. That’s because The Town, directed and co-written by Affleck, uses that same exploitative, pseudo-naturalistic expression HBO now takes for verisimilitude.

USE YOUR HEADS, SHEEPLE!  HE’S USING PSEUDO NATURALISM TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF TRUTH, AND THE CHARACTERS ARE FROM BOSTON!

But by reducing cultural specifics to criminal statistics, Affleck commits the ultimate middle-class condescension. His tightly grasped clichés (there’s even time-lapse clouds to show inexorable fate) means he’s merely enjoying the low-life heist film conventions, glossing over how poverty corrupts.

OPEN YOUR EYES, STUPIDS!  IF THIS WERE REALISM, THESE BANK ROBBERS WOULD BE CORRUPT!

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Perez Hilton is reporting that actress Rooney Mara has been “severely injured” on the set of David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in Sweden.  Take that with a grain of salt, because it’s Perez Hilton, and the only things I’d trust that fat mongoloid to do are blow things* out of proportion and not know what words like “serious” mean.  For what it’s worth, here’s some google translated text from Perez’ Swedish source:

Rooney Mara seriously injured when she was preparing for the role of Lisbeth Salander.
Now Hollywood filming of “Men Who Hate Women in danger.”
On Monday came the shooting of the lavish movie started. Scenes with extras filmed in Ingarö in the Stockholm archipelago.
Now Amusement sheet reveal that Rooney Mara, 25, who will play Lisbeth Salander, have been injured so severely in the shoulder that several major recording days to be moved.

My guess is that by “serious injury”, they mean she dislocated her shoulder, and Perez took the opportunity to write something breathy and shrill.  But what do I know, I’m just a man who hates women in danger.  Seriously, this is the picture Perez used as his banner image.  I heard he would’ve made her a “Get Well Soon” card out of construction paper, macaroni, and glue, but he ended up eating all the macaroni and glue.

*no homo… er, yes, homo. (*sigh*)  I don’t even know anymore.

UPDATE: My assumption was that something probably happened, and Perez’ account, based on a mainstream news report, was just highly exaggerated. Now Sony says the story is “not true at all.”  Meanwhile, I’ve upgraded my official account to (*dismissive wank*).

From what I’ve heard, The Social Network is a great film, and with David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin working on it, I’m not surprised.  However, from the day the first trailer hit, it’s always had a strong scent of Hollywood bullsh*ttiness about it.  I mean really, children’s choirs? Drawing equations on a window?  A little melo D for a movie about a nerd who started a website, no?  Anyway, Nicholas Carlson wrote a piece for Business Insider and Gawker today which purports to tell the story of how Ben Mezrich’s book, The Accidental Billionaires, and the movie based on it came to be.

The only reason The Accidental Billionaires exists is because one of Mark’s Facebook co-founders pitched the book to Mezrich in an attempt to permanently damage Mark’s reputation. According to those sources, that cofounder and Harvard student is Eduardo Saverin. [...]

Eventually, sources say, Eduardo decided to attack Mark’s reputation.

He approached Ben Mezrich – the author of Bringing Down The House, a book about how a group of MIT students made it big in Vegas. Bringing Down The House makes its characters out to be rock stars and scoundrels; the Facebook book, Accidental Billionaires, does the same. The upcoming movie based on the book features cocaine, models, and dark, moody, lighting from the director who brought you Fight Club. It’s a character assassination.

So it’s not very realistic, then? All girls that go to Stanford don’t look like this?  I refuse to believe that.  Next you’ll tell me Rudy didn’t really show that good-fer-nuthin coach that hobbits can play football.

The full article is pretty long, but I did my best to condense it for you:

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The first pictures of Rooney Mara as Lispeth Salander on the set of David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo have hit the web, courtesy of RooneyMara.net.  Incidentally RooneyMara.net is a thing that exists.  Mara famously beat out a who’s who of top actresses to land the part including Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson.  I like to imagine David Fincher’s Social Network star Justin Timberlake helping convince her to take the role.  “A million dollars?  That’s not cool.  You know what’s cool?  Six thousand dollars.”

In any case, I haven’t read the book, but… is the dragon tattoo on her boobs?  I hope the dragon tattoo is on her boobs.  My, this post was both fascinating and informative.

[hat tip: ScreenJunkies]

(Diora Baird is really open-minded)

David Fincher’s The Social Network looks like a slick, Oliver Stone-y take on the Facebook founder to the point that it borders on parody, but there’s a silver lining to that cloud: a scene where they snort cocaine of chicks’ boobs, like in Any Given Sunday. I hear your mom tried to pull the same thing with some microwave meth, but ruined it by lactating. ;-(

In an article published Friday, producer Scott Rudin told the New York Times that he has been involved in a months-long dialog with Facebook execs to assuage concerns about the film. He said he allowed certain execs to read the script and made changes to accommodate small requests. He also said he had not decided whether to cut or alter a scene depicting Sean Parker [Justin Timberlake], a Napster co-founder who played a major role in the early days of Facebook, delivering a key speech at a party while two young women offer lines of cocaine from naked breasts. One person told the Times that the Parker scene was mostly made up, though Rudin said his main concern about the scene was whether it would jeopardize a PG-13 rating.
Now sources tell THR the scene will remain in the film, set for release October 1. [HollywoodReporter]

Well it’s nice to see that film doesn’t resort to cheap sensationalism.  Also, snorting coke of a girl’s boobs?  That’s sooo passé.  Hey, Social Network, 1975 called, it wants its drug trick back.  You figure out a way to get a cherry lit on a chick’s labes and suck the smoke out her ass like a bong, then I’ll be impressed.

Sidenote: the only bigger coke fiend than Chuck E. Cheese is Chester Cheetah.