I still haven’t seen A Dangerous Method (Freud crap gives me the dismissive wanks), but Cronenberg’s latest already has a teaser. Starring Robert “The Tibetan Fox” Pattinson, Cosmopolis was adapted from the Don DeLillo novel by Cronenberg himself, who hasn’t written has last few features. Nonetheless, I had little doubt it would be twisted and f*cked up, and that was before I saw the trailer, which has Robert Pattinson shooting a gun through his hand, a guy getting stabbed in the eye, a girl with large breasts, and a guy wearing some sort of rat head crawling on top of a car. So if any of you are writing down ideas for my birthday party, this would be a good place to start.

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After the jump, you can watch the first trailer for A Dangerous Method, David Cronenberg’s latest (and first since Eastern Promises in 2007), starring Viggo Mortensen as Sigmund Freud, Michael F. Assbender as Carl Jung, and Keira Knightley as some crazy slut Jung’s banging. It has far less Freud snorting tons of coke and screaming about his penis than I hoped for (HISTORICALLY ACCURATE!), but… well, there’s no happy ending for that sentence. I was disappointed.

Starring Viggo Mortensen, Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Vincent Cassel and Sarah Gadon and based on the play by Christopher Hampton, the film centers on the conflict between Sigmund Freud (Mortensen) and his pupil Dr. Jung (Fassbender). Seduced by the challenge of an impossible case, the driven Dr. Jung takes the unbalanced yet beautiful Sabina Spielrein (Knightley) as his patient. Jung’s weapon is the method of his master and both men fall under Sabina’s spell.

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I’m usually not a fan of sequels, but given Eastern Promise‘s twist ending*^(spoiler) and the fact that it kinda stopped in the middle of the second act, it might be kind of cool.  Deadline reports that Viggo Mortensen and director David Cronenberg are both set to return for the sequel, but only after they work together on the Talking Cure, about Sigmund Freud.

Knowing that all movies are in 3D now, this can mean only one thing.  That’s right, a naked, 25-minute, Viggo-Mortensen-wiener-flopping knife fight scene in 3D.  I. Can’t.  Wait.  I won’t even have to do the wiener-in-the-popcorn-box trick, because the popcorn will already be full of Viggo Mortensen’s wiener, thanks to the 3D technology.

*At the end, we learn Viggo is actually a spy working under license from the British Government to infiltrate the Russian mafia, just like I did last summer between ballet camps.

(Jeff Goldblum: not very popular with craft service)

In 1986, David Cronenberg directed The Fly, the heartwarming true story of how Geena Davis got impregnated by an insect-man.  23 years later, Cronenberg is in talks with Fox to possibly write and direct the reboot of his own movie.

The move marks an about-face for the Canadian director, who in the past has said he did not want to be involved on a remake of the film. Cronenberg did work on an opera version of “The Fly” that was staged first in Paris and then in Los Angeles.

The 1986 title, itself a remake of Kurt Neumann’s 1958 sci-fi classic, starred Jeff Goldblum and became a huge hit for Fox, earning $40 million and turning into a phenomenon. It centered on Seth Brundle (Goldblum), an eccentric scientist who, after an experiment with teleportation goes awry, is transformed into a fly. Geena Davis starred as Goldblum’s love interest and partner, Veronica. [THR]

My favorite part of the original was when Jeff Goldblum first starts turning into a fly, and they illustrate this by him going to a bar, breaking some dude’s arm in an arm wrestling match, and picking up a slut.  See, that’s why David Cronenberg is a visionary.  Most people would think, “Okay, he’s turning into a fly… so that means he starts growing wings, maybe he hangs around the garbage dump, suddenly he wants to smell everyone’s sh’t?”  Not Cronenberg.  Cronenberg said “Duh, he’s a fly.  Obviously he’s gonna get drunk and arm wrestle and pick up sluts.”

This is the trailer for William S. Burroughs: A Man Within (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID LOL), a documentary about you guessed it, Einstein P. Smartbrain, William S. Burroughs. It features appearances by David Cronenberg, Peter Weller (who’ll surely have important things to say about Burroughs’ contribution to the literary canon because he played Robocop), Iggy Pop, Gus Van Sant, Jello Biafra, and everyone’s favorite, Genesis P-Orridge. (I don’t even know, dude, just keep walking and try to avoid eye contact). Anyway, it’s a good thing William Burroughs shot his wife and was into guns and gay sex and gay sex with guns, because otherwise all they’d have to talk about is that f-ing unreadable heroin ramble of a book he wrote.

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