It was probably a little unfair of me to skip all the good stuff David Carradine did and go straight to the ropes-tied-around-the-genitals-in-Bangkok jokes.  As penance, here’s a deleted scene from Kill Bill in which Carradine has an awesome sword fight with Michael Jai White, aka Black Dynamite.  White’s scenes got cut from Kill Bill, probably because he tried to talk like The Stath the whole time.  “Oi, todaiy’s da day you doy, donnit.  Now ‘and me moy sword, ya worfless cunts.”

…Wow, this whole “tribute post” idea got away from me pretty fast, didn’t it.  Anyway, R.I.P., homey.  (*pours out some KY on the ground*)
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Well, that “natural causes” business was sure fun while it lasted, wasn’t it?  Turns out by “natural causes” they meant “in the act of masturbating.”  Natural as anything, I guess.  You’d be way more likely to catch me jacking off than having a stroke or a gay ass heart attack, so there you go.

The body of American actor David Carradine, best known for the 1970s TV series “Kung Fu,” was found in a hotel room closet with a rope tied to his neck and genitals, and his death may have been caused by accidental suffocation, Thai police said Friday.

Police Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha told reporters that Carradine was found with a rope tied around his genitals and another rope around his neck.

“The two ropes were tied together,” he said. “It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure.” [AP Bangkok]

…Yeah, I’m gonna go with accidental.  I doubt he was committing suicide and thought, “Okay, lemme just finish writing this note, then I’ll get naked and tie a rope around my cock and we’ll be good to go.”  I guess it’s for the best.  I mean, if you’re gonna go, it might as well be by autoerotic asphyxiating accident in Thailand.  Cancer is for housewives and middle managers.

(image via @loljocks_grimey)

So quickly the stories change…  What was just a few minutes ago “natural causes” now appears to be “suicide by hanging.”

Thai police told the BBC the 72-year-old was found by a hotel maid sitting in a wardrobe with a rope around his neck and body on Thursday morning [is wardrobe British for closet?  does that mean he hung himself sitting down?  that's willpower.  and why would the rope be around his body?]. The US star was in Thailand filming his latest film Stretch, [don't even say it...] according to his personal manager Chuck Binder.
Mr Binder said the news was “shocking”, adding: “He was full of life, always wanting to work… a great person.”
Carradine was part of an acting dynasty which included his father, John Carradine, and brothers Bruce, Keith and Robert.
The star was best known for his role as Kwai Chang Caine in the 1970s TV series Kung Fu, which spawned sequels in the ’80s and ’90s. He is survived by his wife, Annie Bierman, and four children. [BBC]

Man, this sucks.  Why does David Carradine hang himself while Seltzer and Friedberg go on making movies?  But the fact that the story keeps changing gives me hope that maybe this will turn out to be just another wacky Brüno stunt.

This just broke a few minutes ago so not much is known yet, but what’s confirmed is that Kill Bill star David Carradine was found dead at the age of 73 in his hotel room in Bangkok.

Carradine, 73, was there to shoot a new movie, his agent said. His agent confirmed his death this morning, saying the actor had been in great spirits. He said he believed Carradine died of natural causes. [ABC7]

Hmmm… I don’t know if you can call it “natural causes” if the guy was still working and looked great the day before.  It sounds suspicious  My theory is that Bangkok Dangerous.  What, too soon?  Anyway, R.I.P., you magnificent bastard.  While you were a cinematic legend, my epitaph will read, “He couldn’t resist the easy jokes.”

The strangest thing about Blizhniy Boy: The Ultimate Fighter is not that it combines mixed martial arts, Gary Busey, and John “SWEEP THE LEG” Kreese, but that it’s not even the first movie to do so. Well shit.  What else can we add to put this thing over the top?  David Carradine?  Check.  Eric Roberts?  Check.  Bolo Yeung (from Bloodsport)? You better believe that’s a check.  And yet, watching the trailer, you get the sense that it’s not quite the sum of its parts.  But then, how could it be?  It’d have to be about a liger that ejaculates velociraptors.

It’s IMDB page says 2007, but it doesn’t appear to have a release date or a DVD on sale anywhere.  But with a title that just rolls off the tongue, I’m sure it’ll be an easy sell. It’s a good thing Cung Le put his fighting career on hold for this.  Good move, buddy.  I’m sure this will lead to bigger things.  Let’s face it, once you’re in with Busey, you’re here to stay. Read the rest of this entry »