David Carradine’s IMDB page lists a few still-unreleased films, and two titles are “all tied up” going into the “final stretch.”  One is El Dorado, and it’s quite possible that this could be his last film. If you thought Raul Julia in Street Fighter was an embarrassing way for a respected actor to go out, holy hell, read this synopsis:

This is a live action 3D comedy/horror/musical/road movie and is the first ever British movie to be shot in 3D.

After wrongly being sent to a Neo Nazi fund raiser instead of the stripper, Blues Brothers tribute band ‘The Jews Brothers’, Stan and Ollie get offered a gig in El Dorado to make amends for a gig gone sour. [via Twitchfilm]

Wait, did they say musical?  They did indeed, friends — a musical whose cast includes Steve Guttenberg, Brigitte Nielsen, Michael Madsen, and Daryl Hannah.  And if you thought the synopsis was bad, wait till you see the trailer:

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"Psst. You think they know the sh*tter's full?"

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, are currently fugitives after missing a court date stemming from their burglary arrest last month for squatting in the guest house of a home they hadn’t owned since the 90s.  They were released on bond in Vancouver when their Canadian lawyer presented the media with a hand-written note that said, “Yes we are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘STAR WHACKERS.’”

And that’s when things start to get weird.

Those Quaid counts among his “murdered” friends include actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine. [as well as Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, Natasha Richardson, and other actors who have appeared in movies with Randy.]
Quaid and his wife said they felt they had been unfairly treated by the U.S. justice system and promised to appear at future hearings, if released.

“I would not do anything to besmirch my reputation any further than it has been,” the actor said. “I’m trying to do damage control.”
Evi Quaid insisted they would not flee, if released, and even offered to wear an ankle bracelet.  She added: “I feel safe here.”

Vancouver police said they received a call for assistance Thursday in the city’s west side and while checking the identities of the pair — who turned out to be Quaid and his wife — authorities learned they were wanted on outstanding warrants.
The pair, who arrived in Canada on Oct. 17, said they crossed the border unaware that they had been charged and had a court date in California.
They said they came to Vancouver to relax and to talk to an agent about jump-starting Quaid’s acting career. [VancouverSun]

Which will of course be difficult, considering he and his wife’s scorched-Earth trail of batsh*t nuttiness that began back in 2008 on the set of the play Lone Star Love, when the cast hated them so much, they had him banned from the union and fined $80 grand.  Some highlights from the next two years:

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To recap, a year ago today, David Carradine was found dead in his hotel room in Bangkok.  At the time, he was wearing a wig and fishnet stockings and had a rope tied around his neck with another tied around his genitals, with the two ropes tied together.  An independent forensics expert later ruled out suicide (which is strange, because most suicide attempters I know dress in women’s clothes and tie ropes around their d-cks first).  Later, his family’s lawyer raised the possibility of “kung fu assassins working in the martial arts underworld.”  Ahh yes, the ol’ whack-off ninja theory. They killed Kennedy, I read somewhere.

Which brings us to today.  Now Carradine’s wife is filing a lawsuit against the production company of his last movie.  Because clearly, when whack-off ninjas attack, it’s the production company that’s to blame.

According to the suit, obtained by TMZ, on the night David died he was supposed to have dinner with the director of the movie he was shooting — “Stretch.” [hee hee! -Ed.] The suit claims the production company assigned an assistant to David who was responsible for his schedule and transportation. 

Before the dinner, the assistant called David but he didn’t answer. The assistant then left for dinner without David.  An hour later, David reached the assistant but was told “they were already across town and David Carradine would have to make his own arrangements that evening.”

David was found naked in a closet in his hotel room, where he died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.  

The bottom line — the suit claims David — who was only in Bangkok for 3 days — would not have died had the production company fulfilled its obligations and followed industry standards in caring for its star. [TMZ]

She’s right.  That PA never should’ve gone to get dinner.  He should never have addressed his own hunger or need for lodging while he was waiting on a big star like David Carradine to call him back.  Without his incompetence, none of this would’ve happened — the wig, the lingerie, the autoerotic asphyxiation ninja attack; none of it.  He may not have directly caused all these things, but as the old saying goes, sometimes you don’t have to hang a man, you just give him enough rope to hang himself and tie the noose around his c*ck while he jerks off with a wig on in a Thai hotel.

It shouldn’t take an expert to tell you a guy wearing a wig, fishnets, and a rope tied around his junk didn’t kill himself, but it’s still nice to hear.

The independent forensics expert who examined David Carradine’s body says the actor didn’t commit suicide, and Carradine’s brothers are asking for understanding as Thai authorities investigate.
The family also released a statement from Dr. Michael Baden, who said Carradine’s death wasn’t a suicide. He said further information from Thailand is needed for a final determination.
Keith and Robert Carradine say they’re grateful for the outpouring of support during what they call a “profoundly painful time.” In a statement read Thursday in Los Angeles, they also thanked U.S. and Thai authorities for their work. [AP]

By understanding, I’m guessing they mean the opposite of sending me pictures like this (tisk, tisk, you guys).  It’s hard to tell from these early reports if the examiner’s determination of “not suicide” also extends to “not an autoerotic asphyxiation accident”.  As I’ve previously speculated, based on the idea that people don’t usually dress up to jerk off, it seems more likely that it was an accident, and someone else may have been doing the choking.  But either way, “I came so hard I died” doesn’t seem like the worst way to go.

(They may have to bring in Oscar De La Hoya as a Hannibal Lecter-type consultant)

I’m not going to say the David Carradine story just got weirder, because someone’s already mentioned the possibility of ninjas. Let’s just say there’s some new information.  A Thai tabloid published pictures of Carradine’s body, adding some new details to our mental image of this:

The photo shows a body suspended from a bar in a closet, with his hands bound together above his head. Carradine’s genitals were also tied.  But the new sharper image also reveals what appears to be fishnet stockings covering the body. You can also see red women’s lingerie on the bed. And, it appears, Carradine may have been wearing a dark wig. [TMZ]

I can see choking yourself and tying ropes around your junk while you’re jacking off because hey, sometimes you gotta spice things up.  But who gets dressed up to masturbate?  Sounds to me like he had a hooker over, he accidentally overasphyxiated, and when she (or he) noticed he wasn’t breathing she pulled a Farley and got the hell out of there.  Admittedly I’m not a ninja expert, but this doesn’t sound like the work of the ninja.  They tend to kill people quickly and silently, without sticking around to add bizarre details to the crime scene.  You rarely see a group of ninjas standing around going, “Yeah, that’s good – now smear some lipstick on his face, put a carrot up his ass, and make it look like he was drawing a picture of a cow.”