Chris Nolan is rightfully considered a God among nerds for resurrecting the Batman franchise Joel Schumacher killed, burned, and pissed on.  Naturally, he’d be the first choice to handle any comic-book franchise.  And now…

EXCLUSIVE: Warner Bros is trying to ready its DC Comics stalwart Superman to soar again on the Big Screen, and the studio has turned to Chris Nolan to mentor development of the movie. Our insiders say that the brains behind rebooted Batman has been asked to play a “godfather” role and ensure The Man Of Steel gets off the ground after a 3 1/2-year hiatus.

Let us emphasize that Superman 3.0 is in the early stages of development. And we doubt Nolan would direct. This wouldn’t be a sequel to Superman Returns but a completely fresh franchise.  [DHD]

If it pans out, this seems like the best thing they could possibly do with Superman.  Then again, that’s what I said about getting Bryan Singer to direct Superman Returns, and we all know how that turned out. GRRR, OVERCOMING KRYPTONITE WITH SHEER WILL POWER!

With Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige, Batman Begins, and Dark Knight, Chris Nolan has one of the best track records in Hollywood (Nick Nolte has the best track marks).  His next film is called Inception, and in what is sure to warm fanboys’ harbls, he says it’s the “biggest” film he’s ever made.  From the LA Times:

“I grew up watching James Bond films and loving those and watching spy movies with their globetrotting sensibility…. We get to do that here, not just geographically but also in time and dimensions of reality as well. We get to make a movie that’s expansive, I suppose you’d say, in four dimensions.”

“This is the biggest challenge I’ve taken on to this point,” said Nolan, who may return to Gotham City for his next feature. “We’re trying to tell a story on a massive scale, a true blockbuster scale – the biggest I’ve ever been involved with. We tried to make a very large-scale film with ‘The Dark Knight’ and with this one we wanted to push that even further.”

So Chris Nolan thinks this movie will be huge.  But keep in mind, Chris Nolan is British, and over there a “large” soda means like half a can.  This is costing me $10, right?  32 ounces or GTFO, what do I look like, the Dalai Lama?

A few weeks ago, Gary Oldman let it slip that the next Batman film would begin shooting next year.  Michael Caine, in an interview last March, said he believed the Riddler would be involved in this one, which added more fuel to ridiculous rumors like the one about Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler.  Well, hold on to your goofy hats because here’s another steaming pile of speculation coming at you. 

Cinefools just reported that director Chris Nolan has dropped out of filming for The Prisoner, which was 1 of 2 movies he was set to film before the 3rd Batman.  With 1 less film in production, shooting for the 3rd Batman may start sooner.  Here’s 4 other numbers I forgot to cram into this 1 paragraph: 18, 32, 8, 69, HIKE!

As for The Prisoner, it may have a tougher time moving ahead without Nolan attache– OH WHO CARES?  BATMAN!!!

~ robopanda

Sorry, folks, those are the rules – Batman sequel news, no matter how small or unconfirmed, means I have to drop everything and cover it.  The word out of Comic Con (from various sites) is that a not-at-all-joking-sounding Gary Oldman said that the next Batman begins shooting next year, “but you didn’t hear it from me.”  …And that’s pretty much the whole story.  Meanwhile, no one has said anything about director Chris Nolan coming back, and with him busy shooting Inception, it’s hard to say whether he’d have time to shoot a Batman sequel, if what Oldman says is even true.  So does that mean they’re hiring a new director?  Yes.  Yes they are.  Brett Ratner will come aboard to direct, Christian Bale will be replaced by Will Smith’s son, Cher plays his love interest, and Shia LaBeouf will play the villain, a midget prostitute that murders.

This one’s just called “No One Wants to Play Sega with Harrison Ford.”  Artwork by Brandon Bird.

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Matt Lauer interviewed Christian Bale on the Today Show this morning, where they compared fashionable brown buzz cuts.  Okay not really, but Matt Lauer of course read the first line of Peter Travers’ lame Dark Knight review (Lighting bolt… strikes a blanket?  A blanket we call movies?  What kind of retard metaphor is that?).  Meanwhile, Christian Bale spoke in the strangest accent I’ve ever heard.  He’s somehow landed halfway in between a Brit and a New Jersey cab driver.  Ehh yo, Tony don’t brew dis kinna tea fa just anybody, ya dig me, guv? 

I mean, I’d still do him, I’m just sayin.  Why so serious? 

Nothing gives marketing douches bigger douche boners than the possibility of creating a “phenomenon”, big events that allow them to pretend they’re affecting the world in some way more important than just helping people buy things they don’t really need; and nothing is more pathetic than a bunch of tools playing an advertising-inspired scavenger hunt in the hopes of winning a prize… a prize which is, guess what!  More advertising! Hooray!  Please oh please can I wear a shirt advertising your product!

Nevertheless, that’s precisely what happened in New York Tuesday night when a whole heap of dickweeds converged on City Hall for a Dark Knight "viral event" that culminated in the bat signal being projected onto the Woolworth’s building.  Oh the wonder of projected light!  Imagine what would happen if we used a series of projected images, producing the illusion of motion!  My what a wondrous wonder that would be!

Anyway, congratulations to everyone involved on winning my undying contempt.  See a douchey intern from MTV describe the action, after the jump!

Since I ruined every fanboy’s year by posting a picture of Two Face yesterday before they could see him with their own crusted spectacles at a 6 a.m. screening, I’ll just go ahead and tell you the fantastical trailers that will be running before it so I can ruin that surprise too.

But first:

BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN!!!

SPOILERZ!!!

What you can expect are the first trailers for Warner Bros.’ Terminator Salvation (May 22, 2009), which of course also stars Christian Bale, Zack Snyder’s graphic novel adaptation Watchmen (Mar. 6, 2009), and the Ridley Scott-directed thriller Body of Lies (Oct. 10), with Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe.

That’s cool. If only I watched trailers. They give too much away, like the production company that’s releasing the movie. I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW THAT YET!

-Christmas Ape

One of the puzzling things about the unbiquitous hyping of The Dark Knight has been the effort to hide what Aaron Eckhart’s version of Two Face is supposed to look like. It’s not as though he wasn’t a featured villain three Batman movies ago. Thankfully, there’s no Joel Schumacher around to make him bright purple.

Some person who likes to take photos of movies they watch in the threatre went ahead and posted a bunch, mostly featuring *SPOILER ALERT* a scene where the Joker visits Two Face in the hospital, because he’s a big sweetie and was worried lots. The Joker even brings along the auburn wig he wears when he likes to pretend he’s Isla Fisher. She plays comedy roles, too. It’s a natural fit.

Deep fried fucksticks! Can this movie just open already? The run-up is testing even the limits of my nerdish frothing. What’s that boner? You’re still excited for it? Okay, you make the rules. AGAIN.

-Christmas Ape 

The fifth trailer for The Dark Knight has hit the tubes and it turns out to be the one lobbed to the slavering pack of fanboys at Wizard World Chicago last year. It’s really just a more poundingly scored melange of footage from other trailers that have come since, and a little bit of Two Face ordering a drink at the end. He does amazing quarter shots. You should see. Elsewhere, Worst Previews has 13 clips from the film which everyone has already determined to be the best thing since sliced breast. Try it sometime with a little schmeer of the crab dip. Mutiliation was only occasionally so tasty.

So, yeah, this should be enough to keep my boner going for another 11 days or however many until it comes out. Can’t really remove the tally marks from my arm as the days pass. Plus I’m losing a lot of blood from them. Hopefully the rest keeps that boner going. He can manage the typinghkdkkcdkbkewkdndpxpwxm

-Christmas Ape