This One Time, I Went to India by Wes Anderson The Darjeeling Limited will now be accompanied by Hotel Chevalier, the short that Wes Anderson originally intended to accompany it. 

Chevalier, which has been available free on iTunes for weeks now, is better than the movie that follows it, and kinda sorta not really shows Natalie Portman naked.  Holy hell, an ass crack!  I think my enormous boner just filled with so much blood that it detached from my body and shot across the room like a bottle rocket!  Damn you, Natalie Portman’s bruise-covered ass!  

In a bid to rid himself of depression, Owen Wilson has reportedly turned to Native American remedies, a lá Eli Cash in The Royal Tenenbaums.

The Wedding Crashers star was joined by brothers Andrew and Luke on the low-key trip to Arizona, where the Wilsons also checked out the new glass walkway, which allows tourists to look directly into the Grand Canyon. It was on the walkway that a Hualapai medicine man reportedly performed a cleansing ceremony for the troubled actor, waving sage over his head while dancing and chanting. [CB]

And they rode on in the friscolating dusk light…

Hmm, this sounds to me like a tabloid decided to make a story out of Owen Wilson being polite enough to stand there while some crazy hobo danced around.  It just goes to show you, you should never be nice to religious fanatics.  Like the time I was at the airport and pretended to trip so I could throw my nachos on a Hare Krishna.  Good luck with those cheese stains, Sunbeam.   

Owen Wilson made his first public appearence since his suicide attempt at the L.A. premiere of The Darjeeling Limited last night. 

Director, frequent collaborator and former college roommate Wes Anderson led the warm reception, calling the actor "my best friend" as Wilson took the stage with costars Jason Schwartzman, Anjelica Huston, Adrien Brody and Natalie Portman.

"I’ve never made a movie without him," Anderson said. "And I hope I never have to." [Yahoo]

Unfortunately for Wes, this is the second movie of his Wilson hasn’t co-written.  I’m not sure if it would make Owen feel better, but an Anderson/Wilson collaboration would sure make me feel better – without him, Anderson’s movies are just pretty pictures.  Darjeeling could’ve basically been called This One Time I Went to India by Wes Anderson.  Come on, man, no one needs more Coppolas writing movies.  No one.  

As the French wine posters on my wall can attest, I’m all for pretty pictures.  But at some point you’ve got to learn that there’s more to life than ascots and moccasins.  Or so I’m told.   

Jokerswild sent me this article about whether Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt has affected the The Darjeeling Limited, in which he plays a possibly suicidal character.

Director Wes Anderson – a longtime friend of Wilson’s – insists the actor doesn’t want the movie’s release postponed in light of his recent troubles.  Anderson says: "That’s not what I want and not what Owen wants. Owen’s very happy we’re releasing it now."

Of course they’re not postponing it. Take away suicide attempts and what do hipsters have to make art about?  Their parents’ divorce when they were 19?  Attempting suicide is the closest thing sheltered suburbanites have to a real life experience.

Sidenote: I saw Royal Tenenbaums with one of my best friends who still had bandages on his wrists and the stitches still in.  When the Luke Wilson "Needle in the Hay" scene came on, I kept nudging him and giggling.  I’m a good friend. 

IESB has five clips from The Darjeeling Limited, including one called "What Happened to Your Face?", which happens to be my favorite pickup line.   Probably the reason I’m always getting laid.

Welcome Aboard
We Haven’t Located us Yet
What Happened to Your Face
I Don’t Feel Good About Myself
Is That My Belt
He Escaped
Owen Wilson Interview

Anderson’s best movies (Rushmore and Royal Tenenbaums) were co-written by Owen Wilson, while Noah Baumbach co-wrote Life Aquatic – perhaps why Owen decided to get all emo and try to kill himself.  Always remember kids, up the river, not across the street. And if all else fails, use a gun. 

This time around the co-writers were Jason Schwartzman and Roman Coppola.  I don’t really know who Roman Coppola is, but I hate his guts and I hope he dies.

Petite Update: Hairy’s hilarious comment about pickup lines reminded me of this article in Radar Online.  My favorite? "Gather ’round if you love limericks."