Rihanna and Danny Trejo met at the tattoo parlor, apparently. I bet Danny Trejo is one of the few guys who constantly gets asked NOT to smile for pictures. |source|

MORNING LINKS
Quick! There’s still time to check out last week’s Frotcast before I post the new one! |Frotcast|

ROFLMNBAO: This Week’s NBA Action In Pictures |With Leather|

Photoshop Challenge: Liam Neeson Versus… |UPROXX|

Ten Pointless, Expensive On-Screen Props I Need to Own |Warming Glow|

Cross Your Fingers: Dave Chappelle & Chris Rock Could Tour Together |Smoking Section|

Corgi farts on other corgi – via ArtVandelay

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

Top 10 Pictures Of Vladimir Putin Beating Up Little Kids |Buzzfeed|

Rihanna got a “thug life” tat on her knuckles. Bright girl. |WWTDD|

Chelsea Handler unwisely starts shit with Joan Rivers. |TheSuperficial|

The week’s top 10 animal videos. |Videogum|

This “history of MMA” video is pretty cool. |CagePotato|

A hip hop tribute to Ron Swanson. Honestly, I’d like this guy more if the internet could shut up about him for half a second. |GorillaMask|

21 pictures of Andy Serkis looking like a jagoff. |ScreenJunkies|

6 amazing animals that lived practically forever. |MentalFloss|

Behind the Movie Masks and Make-up |Unreality|

Single Men Vs. Single Women In NYC |High Definite|

11 bizarre pieces of Obama fan art. |HolyTaco|

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Hot off the release of their “Being Green” teaser (a sort of fictional faux rom-com), the marketing team for The Muppets has just released a new teaser, focusing more on the actual muppets.  This one’s called “The Fuzzy Pack,” presumably a play on The Hangover‘s “Wolf Pack” campaign.  Once again, the producers have done a brilliant job combining things that I love, in this case, namely, muppets and Danny Trejo. Chingón, guey, it must be my lucky day. Although this role might be a stretch for Trejo.  He’s a solid actor, I’m just not sure he has the versatility to pull off “convict.”

“Mira, Frog, ju theenk you’re the only one who’s had a feest up hees culo? Welcome to prison ése.”

Read the rest of this entry »

I know, I know, “prison MMA” sounds like as good a euphemism for anal rape as “submission wrestling” is for sex.  But today we’re talking about the un-euphemistic kind, a venture Danny Trejo is helping to sponsor, a promotion which will pit ex-cons against “hard-hitting police officers, prison guards, firefighters, teachers, Marines and other members of the military and law enforcement.” So, basically The Longest Yard, but with MMA. Ooh, “yard” is also a prison term!

The first event is scheduled to go down May 21st at the LA Memorial Coliseum and Sports Arena, co-hosted by Trejo and, ahem, Tommy “Tiny” Lister, best known for playing Deebo in Friday.  Is it legit?  Let’s just say I wouldn’t buy your tickets until the day of.  And trust me, you’ll want to read these block quotes:

On May 21, 2011, Cage vs. Cons 1 will take place at the Los Angeles Sports Arena. The event will feature one of the world’s largest hip-hop festivals, a tattoo expo, and 10 savage Pro. MMA matches pitting ex-cons against all-comers, including a police officer, a firefighter, a teacher and three military veterans who fought in the Iraq War.

What, no porn shoot?  Come on, we’re combining fan bases here.  Also, how do you capitalize “Pro MMA” but not “savage”?  That just seems like a typo.

[from Deebo's bio section]  Lister has had numerous guest appearances in TV series, including playing Klaang (the first Klingon ever to make contact with humans) in the pilot episode of Star Trek: Enterprise [the one where Scott Bakula played Captain Jonathan Archer -Ed.]. He also co-starred in an episode of the courtroom series “Matlock” as Mr. Matlock’s in-prison bodyguard.

Aw, don’t stop there, what about when he played “alligator wrangler 4″ in Baywatch: Everglades?  This is the man’s legacy.  Oh, but we still haven’t even gotten to my absolute favorite quote of the entire website:

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We’ve got the scoop on Danny Trejo’s next project, before it even has an IMDB page.  It’s called Babysitters Beware, co-starring the kid from Modern Family.  Needless to say, it looks pretty legit.

“Mira, these keeds are dribeen me loco.”

“I tole you, pendejo, ees not a tumor.”

“Oye, wheech one of ju putos called for the babyseeter?”  (*racks shotgun*)

“That’s right, ése, eet’s nap time.” (*racks shotgun*)

[Thanks to Marc T for the tip]

"Mira, guey: Ju tell me donde esta la coca, or I put thees cigar out on el perro. Entiendes?"

Casting stories are usually boring as hell, but then, they usually don’t involve Danny Trejo and the Muppet Movie.  That’s right, Danny Trejo is joining the cast of the Muppet Movie.  Said Trejo, when reached for comment, “Why ju laugheen, puto?”

Jane Lynch has joined the impressive ensemble cast, while “Community’s” Donald Glover has also landed a small role, an individual familiar with the project has told TheWrap. “Machete” star Danny Trejo has also been cast, his representation has confirmed.

James Bobin (“Flight of the Conchords”) is directing from a script co-written by Nicolas Stoller (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) and “Muppets” star Jason Segel. While Glover’s role remains unspecified, Lynch will play a prison guard and Trejo will play her prisoner, according to Production Weekly. [TheWrap]

Still no word on whether Trejo will be alone with Lynch in his scenes, or whether he’ll actually interact with any of the puppets.  For his part, Trejo says, “Mira, guey, seence preeson, I don’t put my hands up nobody’s culo.”

I hear every time Danny Trejo gets cast in a Muppet movie, an angel helps a corgi puppy fold a burrito.
CORGI: Arf! Arf!
DANNY TREJO: Si, si, vato, muy bueno.