Things are going just great for Ashton Kutcher right now, with the gossip rags reporting that he’s finally moving out of his mom’s house and getting a place of his own. He also may have slept with a random girl after Danny Masterson’s bachelor party (Vince was there) last month, and may even be the father of January Jones’ bastard child. Supposedly that’s enough to cost a guy his high-profile marriage. What happened to America?

Luckily for the “Two and a Half Men” star, his fans are still behind him all the way. In fact, a young girl in Brazil recently Tweeted that she absolutely loves Kutcher. How much does she love him? That’s her tattoo up there.

Kutcher’s fan from Brazil tweeted this picture of her latest ink to the Two and a Half Men star saying, “This is a way of expressing my love for @aplusk.”

So what does one superfamous actor say to such an extreme gesture? “All i can say is wow,” he tweets.

(Via E!)

If he Tweeted that, he deleted it, because I didn’t see it on his Twitter feed this morning, when I woke up and shouted, “I wonder what Ashton Kutcher is thinking!” (As I do). Of course, I can totally understand Kutcher’s eagerness to hide such a beautiful fan from his wife, what with their marriage on the rocks.

But this inspired me to get a tattoo of my own to send a special message to one of my favorite people…

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Forsaken That ‘70s Show star Danny Masterson has landed a pilot deal at Comedy Central for Playing With Guns. As it turns out Playing With Guns has also become something of a labor of love for Masterson, as the show was originally intended for Spike TV, but the network passed last year. It’s currently being reworked with Ethan Suplee taking over the role of Masterson’s fellow slacker best friend, as the two of them become cops in their suburban hometown and try to “get the most out of their badges while doing the least amount of police work possible.”

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AWESOMELY METAL STORY ALERT. Woman stabs rampaging chimp with butcher knife. I want that tattooed on my cock. (We may have to abbreviate).

A pet chimpanzee has been shot dead by a police officer after mauling a woman visiting its owner. The 200lb ape, who had appeared on TV commercials, attacked the woman as she got out of her car.
The woman suffered “serious blood loss” from facial injuries and was in a “very serious” condition in hospital.
The animal had been trained to ride in the family’s vehicles, had appeared on commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy and had also appeared in a television pilot.
“He’s been raised almost like a child by this family. He rides in a car every day, he opens doors… We have no indication of what provoked this behaviour at all,” Stamford Police captain Richard Conklin said.
Owner Sandra Herold had wrestled with Travis in an effort to stop the attack on her friend, then ran inside to make an emergency call.
“She retrieved a large butcher knife and stabbed her longtime pet numerous times in an effort to save her friend, who was really being brutally attacked,” Conklin said. [Editor’s note: HOLY SHIT!]
Paramedics then arrived to treat the woman, with police officers protecting them, but the chimp then started attacking them, AP reported. One officer was cornered in his vehicle and shot Travis in self-defence. [via BBC - thanks to Eric for the tip]

Jesus, that’s horrible. But look, people, you can’t raise a chimp like a child actor and then expect him not to act like a child actor.  I mean, look at Danny Masterson.

After someone sent me this brilliant video for Waterworld: The Musical, starring Patrick Warburton (aka The Tick, aka Putty from Seinfeld), I just had to know more about it.  What I discovered, unfortunately, is that it’s viral marketing for Made for Each Other, a comedy starring the unholy trinity of the Scientologist Masterson brothers and Bijou Phillips (who I like better when she’s not talking or wearing clothes).  The trailer’s after the jump.  I think they tried to make up for all the annoying children of celebrities and former child actors in it by saying “pussy” a lot.  Though with the Masterson brothers hanging around, it could be a Freudian thing.

You’re better than this, Warburton.
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