Rob Marshall (Chicago) directed Nine, a musical about Fellini‘s 8 1/2, and though it doesn’t open until Christmas, it feels like I’ve been hearing Oscar buzz about this for three months now.  Granted, I hate musicals*.  It’s not a knee-jerk jock thing, I just don’t understand the impulse.  You’re telling someone a story and all of a sudden you decide to break into song?  That’s what homeless people do.  But even given it’s not my cup of tea, what the hell is this?  Really, Kate Hudson singing a song on a catwalk, that’s your Oscar pick?   Does this not feel like a commercial to anyone else?  You can try to sexy it up all you want, but I kept expecting Maria Sharapova’s dog to show up.  Oh Daniel Day-Lewis, first a bum foot, now jazz hands.  Will you ever stop faking disabilities for attention? Keep this up and we might have to date.

*Singin’ in the Rain gets a pass

[via Yahoo]

Hey, Hollywood, just because Hugh Jackman said “the musical is back!” about 1000 times at the Oscars doesn’t mean you had to run out and make a musical.  No one takes Hugh seriously, he just really likes to dance.  And even if I wanted to see people sing and dance, I could just watch… EVERY GD SHOW ON TV.  Anyway, this one’s called Nine, from Chicago director Rob Marshall, it’s a musical based on Fellini’s 8 1/2.

“NINE” follows the life of world famous film director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) as he reaches a creative and personal crisis of epic proportion, while balancing the numerous women in his life including his wife (Marion Cotillard), his mistress (Penelope Cruz), his film star muse (Nicole Kidman), his confidant and costume designer (Judi Dench), an American fashion journalist (Kate Hudson), the whore from his youth (Fergie) and his mother (Sophia Loren). [Apple]

Sometimes me and the whore from my youth like to take paddleboats out on the pond, other times we play badminton, or ride a bicycle built for two.

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This story’s a little old, but no one seems to have picked up on it.  Anyway, it’s a USA Today report about how "I drink your milkshake" from There Will be Blood has become the hot catchphrase (and an Oscar-season promotional tool, as you can see from the schwag the studio’s sending around – pictured at left).

New York magazine even offers a user’s guide to the phrase. It suggests using it as sports metaphor ("The Celtics drank the Knicks’ milkshake last night"), a sexual double entendre or a taunt, as in "You’d best back down before I drink your milkshake."

But more interesting than the look-what-the-kids-are-doin angle is the story of the phrase’s origin:

[Director Paul Thomas] Anderson concedes that he’s puzzled by the phenomenon — particularly because the lines came straight from a transcript he found of the 1924 congressional hearings over the Teapot Dome scandal, in which Sen. Albert Fall [this guy] was convicted of accepting bribes for oil-drilling rights to public lands in Wyoming and California.  In explaining oil drainage, Fall’s "way of describing it was to say ‘Sir, if you have a milkshake and I have a milkshake and my straw reaches across the room, I’ll end up drinking your milkshake,’ "

In related news, my great-great grandfather Abelard originated the phrase "threw him under the bus" when he pushed a young waif under the wheels of a passing trolley as a practical joke.  "Bully!" he shouted, and everyone had a droll time.  

[Thanks to BGavin for the tip]

Here’s a nice little video from David Spade on Funny or Die called ‘There Will Be Oscars’.

"Johnny Depp can sing; who gives a fuck?  I sing in the shower, no one’s throwing awards over the curtain."   

"Tim Burton’s not a genius, I have some bad news for you people."

"Michael Clayton?  H.W. calls it ‘Michael Gay-ton’. That’s a burn."

Christ, it’s almost like I wrote it myself!  But I didn’t.  David Spade did.  He’s five foot six and he bangs playmates.  Mega frownies :-( :-( 

[Thanks to DF for the tip] 

Now that the Terminator franchise is officially being sodomized, speculation about where the infected semen will splash in the fourth movie is running rampant.

After one-named wonderdouche director McG scored Christian Bale for the role of John Connor, he’s been dropping hints that other real actors might be in it too. A few days ago it was Daniel Day-Lewis.  Today it’s Josh Brolin.

It’s very difficult to say because [the terminator] is a decidedly masculine role and I think we’re living in a time where a lot of actors are very effeminate and they’re sort of skinny, heroine chic and there’s really a masculine component to the role. And there’s guys out there like Russell Crowe and Eric Bana, bring a good physicality, they do what they do, but I don’t know if they’re exactly right at the end of the day. (Smiles) Josh Brolin is a very exciting actor – we’ll see. [213]

I don’t think it’s gonna happen and I hope it won’t, but I can’t deny McG’s got the right idea.  Josh Brolin’s a big star right now, but he’s still only been famous for like a year.  He’s basically like a chick who had cellulite and baloney tits her whole life but recently lost 50 pounds and got implants, and now everyone wants to bang her.  But her hotness is still so new that regular guys like you and I can date her, because she doesn’t realize that she can get guys who drive fancy cars and wear pants and stuff yet.  Right now, you pretty much just sock her in the jaw and yell pop goes the weasel and you’re in. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Josh Brolin has really nice tits.