First up in today’s trailer round up, GI Joe: Retaliation, introduced by Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Can you believe there aren’t any porn actors named “Rock Johnson?” Anyhoo, you may remember this as the film that was wisely postponed for a year (post-pwned, if you will) so that they could add some more C-Tates. Because audiences nowadays, they hear Channing Tatum, your movie better have at least a moderate-to-heavy amount of Channing Tatum, or else some theaters are getting burned down. It’s human nature.

Judging by this trailer, it’s not nearly the movie we’d hoped for based on Burnsy’s storyboards, but I do like the idea that the president hangs out with a random North Korean guy in a black jumpsuit. “Aw, cawmon, meessa praysidane, why you awways bussa my baws?

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Bear with me, folks, this one requires some backstory:  So the other day, I did a post about a new Broken Lizard movie, in which I quoted a Variety article saying Dan Rosen (whom I’d never heard of before this) would be directing.  In the comments section of that post, Jacktion! wrote:

Dan Rosen will not be directing.
It is with a heavy heart that I report to you that Dan Rosen, and friend Bob Crantzin were involved in an accident last night when their car collided head on with the car of NBA commissioner David Stern and his friend Johnny Guild.

Rosen, Crantzin, Guild, and Stern are dead.

I’m not usually one for Shakespeare references, but well done, I thought.  Then Saturday morning, I received the following email:

To Whom it may concern. Hi. My name is Dan Rosen*… this was posted on your site today:

[quotes Jacktion!'s comment from above]

My sister saw this- did not get whatever stupid joke this asshole was making- and thought I was killed in a car crash. I was on a location scout all day with no reception. Do you know how many crying phone calls I got from her? My mom is very ill and my sister had to wrestle with telling her that her youngest son had died. Are you f-cking kidding me? How can you let someone post that? This has nothing to do with someone having a sense of humor or not- you can NOT JOKE ABOUT SOMEONE DYING! it’s never funny…

Please take that shit down.

thank you. Dan Rosen

As Jules Winfield might say, well allow me to retort:

*Editor’s disclaimer: Obviously I have no way of verifying whether this person is actually Dan Rosen or not, or is someone else named Dan Rosen, or whether it’s just a robot who likes to write complainey emails.

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