Here we have the trailer for Last Vegas, directed by Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure, Sorcerer’s Apprentice) and written by Adam Brooks (Bridget Jones Diary, Practical Magic) and Dan Fogelman (Crazy Stupid Love, Fred Claus), a creative dream team united by their love of collecting easy paychecks. Like all horrible paycheck movies, everything you need to know about it is in the title. Four old guys – Robert Deniro, Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline – are getting back together for one wild weekend in Vegas for Michael Douglas’s bachelor party, and to the actors’ credit, none of them seem to mind that Al Pacino and Christopher Walken already made this movie like three months ago. Like an uncredited sequel to Michael Haneke’s Amour, it’s an unflinching look at the ravages of Father Time, who’ll gradually take away everything you have, starting with the ability to recognize when a script is patronizing you.

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I’ve been in the blogging business long enough to know a winner when I hear one, and this concept is GOLD, JERRY, GOLD. Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure) is directing a script by Dan Fogelman (Fred Claus) about four retirees in Vegas for a bachelor party. The title? “Last Vegas.” Dear me, it seems my bow tie won’t stop spinning.

Jon Turteltaub is in negotiations to direct “Last Vegas” for CBS Films and Mandate Pictures.
Dan Fogelman penned the story of four best friends in their late 60s who decide to escape retirement and throw a Las Vegas bachelor party for the only one of them who remains single. [Variety]

Betty White as the hooker with a heart of gold or GTFO.

After many nights of me hoping and praying it would finally happen, it appears the Seth Rogen-Barbra Streisand road trip comedy has gotten a greenlight.  Paramount plans to shoot My Mother’s Curse this spring.  Aw, that’s not a nice thing to say about Judaism.

Anne Fletcher (Step Up, 27 Dresses, The Proposal) will direct the project with a script by Dan Fogelman (Cars, Fred Claus, Bolt, Tangled), which he wrote based on his own experience traveling with his mother.  The story follows an inventor (Rogen) who invites his mother (Streisand) on a cross-country trip as he tries to sell his new product while also reuniting her with a lost love. [THR]

Why, it sounds like Little Miss Sunshine meets Letters to Juliet!  From the director of 27 Dresses and The Proposal!  I’D BUY TICKETS RIGHT NOW IF ONLY AN EAGLE HADN’T STOLEN MY BLACKBERRY!

It’s probably unfair of me to hate Barbra Streisand.  All the bad stuff I’ve heard about her comes from second or third-hand stories, and I’ve never actually heard any of her music, I just know the only people who like it are a million years old.  The way I understand it, she opens her mouth and Kenny G sax music comes out.

According to Vulture, an offer went out to Jack Nicholson to star in CBS Films’ LASt VEGAS, a script insiders say is like an AARP version of The Hangover meets Grumpy Old Men meets no f*cking thanks.

The script comes from red-hot screenwriter Dan Fogelman (Cars, Bolt) [Uh...] , who also penned Warner Bros.’ still-untitled Steve Carell–Ryan Gosling comedy that begins filming next month. VEGAS follows four estranged male childhood friends from the fifties who reunite in Vegas to finally marry off Billy, the lifelong unmarried playboy of the group, who — fittingly — might be played by Nicholson. The conflict comes when both Billy the bachelor and Paddy, the widower of the group, begin vying for the affections of the same lounge singer.

Vulture has a script excerpt of the part that introduces Nicholson’s character (if he does agree to sign on), so you can read that over there.  I imagine the rest of it includes jokes where the old guys sabotage each other by replacing their gold bond with itching powder, putting Ben Gay on the inside of their Depends, and replacing their heart pills with Viagra, or their Viagra with ecstasy, or their ecstasy with Flomax.  Jack Nicholson will be trying to get a boner when all of a sudden he finds his restless leg syndrome cured and gets the urge to recklessly gamble.  What am I trying to say is that there will be a joke about switched pills, because that is literally Hollywood’s favorite joke.

Also: AARP version of The Hangover < LARP version of The Hangover.  Just sayin’.

CBS films just paid $1 million for a comedy pitch (not to be confused with an actual script) from screenwriter Dan Fogelman (who previously wrote Cars and Fred Clause). 

Story revolves around four semi-retired baby boomers who embark on a getaway to Sin City. Fogelman’s pitch sparked a bidding war — one of the first significant heats since scribes returned to work last month. [Variety]

Fogelman was pitching, so clearly CBS Films was catching [get it? That was a sodomy reference - Ed.].  We can attribute Fogelman’s success to remembering the first rule of Hollywood pitches – give them something they’ve already seen a million times.  Aren’t they already making a sequel to Wild Hogs?

Anyway, I’m just bitter because no one bought my pitch for The Sexy Adventures of Chicks Pissing.  I’m not gonna lie to you bro, it was pretty erotic.  Had it all storyboarded and everything.