Charles Bronson will now introduce some links by catching a fish with his bare hands. GRR, BEAR HANDS!

First Look at Notorious B.I.G. Biopic
Jamal Woolard looks just like Biggie.  I mean, they’re both fat at least. Notorious P.I.G.s you might say. *Cricket Sounds*

Shane Black is back
The guy who wrote the first two Lethal Weapons, The Last Boy Scout, and The Long Kiss Goodnight (and directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) is working on a new movie called The Nice Guys.  He’s written some of the best one-liner filled action movies of all time.  Sadly, the best thing I’ve ever come up with is, "Yeah? More like BORE-egon."

F-Word compilation from Harold & Kumar 2
I haven’t watched this yet because I don’t want to ruin the movie.  And because I hate minorities. 

Ice Age 3 Poster
They’ve still done nothing to explain what the fuck a Dinosaur is doing in a movie called Ice Age.  I’m going to a make a movie called Vikings, starring a hip hop dance crew.  Why?  Because fuck it, that’s why.

Metal Gear Solid becoming a movie
I’ve never played this video game, so I’m just going to assume this a stupid idea. 

Tintin Movies
Peter Jackson and Steven Speilberg are both doing Tintin movies. Based on a comic book about a Belgian reporter and his dog?  Shit, why not six movies? 

Dark Knight goes IMAX
“The Dark Knight will feature four sequences filmed with IMAX cameras. This marks the first time ever that a major feature film has been even partially shot using IMAX cameras, marking a revolutionary integration of the two film formats.”  I hear they’re developing similar technology in the porn industry – to be shown at CLIMAX theatres across the country. *sad trombone*

Jim Carrey Writing a Self-Help Book
Jim Carrey is writing a self help book for depression sufferers who want to beat the disease without drugs.  Step 1: Become fabulously wealthy.  Step 2: Do whatever you want.  Step 3: Crush anyone who ever even slightly wronged you.  Step 4: Mojitos.  I feel better already!  

Worst Irish Accents in Cinema
In honor of St. Pat’s day.  Though I prefer drinking until I piss myself.

Regal Entertainment to allow red-band trailers
The country’s largest theater chain will allow R-Rated trailers to play in R and NC-17 movies.  However, masturbating is still prohibited.  Fascists.

[Thanks to BGavin, RoboPanda, and Deaners for the tips] 

Marky Mark and Mila Kunis join cast of Max Payne – A movie based on a video game based on every bad cop movie.  Uwe Boll is not directing.  Yet.

Clip from Hitman DVD – A chick with a tattoo on her face?  I sense an "I’m F-ing Mike Tyson" YouTube video coming on… 

Super High Me is giving it away for free – It’s like your mother in that regard.  Boosh.  I still say Super Jaíme is a better idea.

Singer signs for Superman sequel – I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the bad guys’ plot will involve kryptonite somehow.

First pics of Benicio as Wolf Man – From the director of Hidalgo and Jurassic Park 3.  I am Jack’s total ambivalence.

Affleck is Back – Ben Affleck and Gone Baby Gone production team will adapt Marcus Sakey’s The Blade Itself, Gone co-writer Aaron Stockard to adapt.  I’d rather see him adapt his wife’s encounter with Gary Busey.  Possible title: Last of the Coyote Men.   

Redbelt gets a poster – With all these MMA movies coming out, I think it’s important to note that Busey began this trend. 

Daily Roundup is FilmDrunk’s semi-daily link dump of stories not important enough to warrant their own posts.  Expect snideness and nose thumbing.

‘Medicine for Melancholy’ Trailer - (Playing at SXSW) Do black people really talk about being black this much?  Looks exhausting. 

‘Last Starfighter’ Gets a Sequel – In the original, a gamer gets recruited by aliens to use his skills to defend the galaxy.  In the sequel, I unhook my roommates X-Box and burn him for fuel because he’s a fucking waste of space.  I smell feel good movie of the year!  Oops, no, that’s burning flesh. 

Fox Options ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ – Meanwhile I followed George Lucas into the bathroom after a big clam dinner at the Wharf, where I filmed Diarrhea of a Hollywood Icon.  I’m trying to find a distributor but the buzz around town is that it lacks substance. 

‘Men at the Pru’ - Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant Are Writing a Movie.  Who smells awkward situations? 

Talk of a ‘Rome’ Movie – Nudity, debauchery, and graphic swordplay made for one of my favorite shows ever.  And Bruckheimer wasn’t involved so you didn’t have to worry about ghosts, curses, treasure, or talking animals. 

Harley Quinn in ‘The Dark Knight’ – Is Mandy from Hollyoaks playing Harley Quinn?!  I’m gonna say no, but only because I don’t know who the hell that chick is.  Looks friendly though (that’s her on the left).  Too bad every time I see a picture of a British chick I don’t recognize, I imagine her talking dirty to me in a horrible old cockney voice, “Oi, bugga me norks, guv’na.” 

Whoopi Accepts Apology – Oscars producer Gil Cates apologizes for not including Whoopi in a hosts montage and Whoopi accepts.  World breathes a collective yawn.  

‘Pride and Glory Bumped’ – The Colin Farrell/Edward Norton We Own the Night clone gets bumped from it’s March 14th release date until… ?  Director says he’ll withhold completion of his script for Warriors until it’s released.  What’s Warriors?  “He describes [it] as "Gladiator" set within a family of mixed martial arts fighters.”  Hmm, maybe try holding your breath next time. 

Hey Hey, JLA, why the hell are you still being made? – According to Variety, Justice League of America is back in pre-production and planned for a 2009 debut.  They mention Adam Brody playing The Flash, Common as the Green Lantern, Armie Hammer as Batman, and Megan Gale as Wonderwoman.  Sadly, still no word on the status of Green Arrow.   This epic pile of shit just won’t be complete without fruity dude in a green smock shooting bad guys with a boxing-glove arrow.  I say we get Renny Harlin to direct. 

Superhero Movie Has a Poster – Hey, Pam Anderson’s in it!  They needed a hot chick, and naturally they chose a hepatitis-infected 40-year-old with 12 kids from different fathers.  Based on that kind of judgement, I’m sure this will be swell. 

Barack Obama Wants Will Smiff to Play Him – Dude, think of your legacy!  You gotta go Morgan Freeman on this one.  The man practically sweats gravitas.

4 Fast 4 Furious Set Photos – Here’s Vin Diesel and Paul Walker "acting" in a "sequel" to "The Fast and the Furious".  I think we all know there’s no film in those cameras.  "I need you to get me some serious work!" Paul Walker was heard screaming into the wallet he pretends is a cell phone at his imaginary agent.

The Rock is Playing the Tooth Fairy – Dear Mr. Rock: No one will ever call you Dwayne Johnson when you do movies like this.  Let’s face it, you’re a poor man’s Macho Man Randy Savage.  OH YEEEAHHH!  

That Kid From There Will Be Blood to Exec Produce – Paul Dano will star in and executive produce Gigantic.  When reached for comment, that kid from Dazed and Confused just grabbed the bridge of his nose and shook his head.  (After a quick google search) Holy shit, his name’s "Wiley Wiggins"?  Some parents he’s got.

Pictures of Cameron Diaz’ Box – Haha, tricked you.  She’s actually just starring in a movie called The Box.  You didn’t care either way, did you.  Me neither.