“RATED ARG FOR PIRATES, F*CK YOU!” I had legitimate tears rolling down my cheeks when I watched this for the first time last night.  I would watch six straight hours of just South Park movie trailer parodies. |sidenote: every South Park episode is now available for free online|

MORNING LINKS

MC Hammer Next To Be Sacrificed To The Juggalos At Their Annual Gathering [Uproxx]

50 Objects That Look A Little Like Jesus [Uproxx]

TV Gourmet: The Good Morning Burger, Rachel’s Trifle, and Other TV Food [WarmingGlow]

Drew’s latest Rex Ryan column made me piss-cry blood-cum tears of hilarity, whatever that means. |KissingSuzyKolber|

My verdict on Super 8: Don’t believe the hype. See X-Men instead. Hell, see anything. |Review|

Lupe Fiasco: Obama Is “The Biggest Terrorist” [TSS]

PICTURED: You have not partied like Riot Guy parties.

The NY Times Names Lloyd Banks New York’s Most Important Rapper [RealTalkNY]

Futurama Meme: Fry is not sure about stuff. |GammaSquad|

Tron Guy shows up on America’s Got Talent. Holy crap, Nick Cannon hosts this show?  And people watch it? |TheDailyWhat|

30 dogs shaking off the summer heat. |Buzzfeed|

Anthony Weiner’s wife is pregnant.  Note to everyone: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS GODD*MN STORY. |TheSuperficial|

Idris Elba answers your Facebook questions. |Videogum|

Syracuse man pushes around 6-foot mannequin he calls his wife.  Hey, at least she’s tall. |NYCStool|

Laura Lee is your barely-clothed tramp of the day. |GorillaMask|

The traumatizing stages of an emergency number two. |HolyTaco|

Rosie Huntington-Whatserface says Michael Bay isn’t a sexist pig. |ScreenJunkies|

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Oshokuji no Jikan DVD [ToplessRobot]

DC Comics’ reboot of its entire superhero line happens to feature Superboy with a tattoo. BUT HOW? [Fark]

‘The Heming Way’: Bro Icon Ernest Hemingway On Women [Brobible]

BECOME A FAN OF FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK OR ELSE MY DAD WILL BEAT ME!

Grappler Marcelo Garcia won his fifth gold in the middleweight division at the jiu-jitsu World Cup over the weekend, and in his post-fight interview thanked Steven Seagal.  Oh, so you think Steven Seagal training fighters is a joke now, do you?  You won’t be laughing when you’re lying dead of a front kick he executes with his mind.  More importantly, Seagal’s response is after the jump. |CagePotato|

MORNING LINKS

Glenn Beck to charge Netflix-like subscription fee so you can be the most well-informed in your militia. |Uproxx|

Courtney Love Launches Insane Twitter Attack On Jezebel Editor. |Uproxx|

You playing our Fantasy Summer Box Office game?  Still time to get up to speed before the weekend… |Frotcast|

Great local commercial: Cat Hotel. |WarmingGlow|

Von Miller’s new tattoo: a watermelon slice, a chicken leg, and a hater, whatever the hell that is.  I was with you until the last part. |WithLeather|

The hilarious paintings of Jared Meuser. |GammaSquad|

Peter King likes his fiction rapey. |KissingSuzyKolber|

Take a trip to the New York fancy rat convention. |Videogum|

Trend Watch: Coning is the new planking. |TheDailyWhat|

Blog Watch: Dumb Names in Movies. |DumbNamesinMovies|

Kathy Ireland doesn’t look as great as she once did in a bikini, but I’d still hit that. |TheSuperficial|

25 mind-blowing sand sculptures. |HolyTaco|

Del Monte made a David Hasselhoff popsicle. But can you get drunk and eat them off the floor? |NYCStool|

Dong Watch: Chloe Sevigny to play a pre-op Irish assassin. |ScreenJunkies|

Things that make Kim Jong Il smile, things that make Kim Jong Il frown. |Buzzfeed|

Do you try to eat healthy? You might have an eating disorder. |Fark|

DC Is Out of Their Goddamned Minds |ToplessRobot|

BECOME A FAN OF FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK OR ELSE MY DAD WILL BEAT ME!

Read the rest of this entry »

This is my new favorite yearbook quote. I salute you, James Conway. |via EgoTVOnline|

MORNING LINKS

This Is Why You Should Set Your Facebook Party Invitiations To Private [Uproxx]

Danger Guerrero’s Terrible But Realistic TV Pitches, Vol. III [WarmingGlow]

Scene Breakdown: First Trailer for Twilight: Breaking Dawn [Filmdrunk]

Warming Glow Interview: Rob Riggle [WarmingGlow]

The best pictures from the Coronado Dog Surfing competition. |WithLeather|

Six panels of Penny Arcade getting movie deal. |GammaSquad|

Zachary Briggs is available for your porn movie. |Videogum|

Man with no arms trashes hotel lobby. This man is an inspiration. Background guy: “Yeah, kick all ‘at sh-t down, man.” |TheDailyWhat|

This slut probably sucks at tennis. |GorillaMask|

Grading the latest teacher sex scandal. |BostonStool|

Leaked scripts for remakes of 80s movies. |Nerve|

Ice T and Coco renew their vows. I saw a clip from their show the other day where they were talking about meeting, and Ice T asked, “Have you ever dated a gangster before?”  And I thought, uhhh, have you see that chick? Who else is she going to date? |TheSuperficial|

18 suggestions for NY Post Anthony Weiner headlines. |HolyTaco|

10 photos of cats in tiny cat furniture. |Buzzfeed|

X-Men FIRST First Class: A Look Back At Mutants On TV [UGO]

Holy @#$%ing Mother of @#$%, It’s the Blade Anime [ToplessRobot]

Comments of the Week | THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES | FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK | FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.

Leslie Nielsen’s tombstone: “Let ‘er rip!”, a final fart joke, and also a Rest In Peace double entendre. Not great, but decent for a gravestone joke, I suppose. |SunSentinel|

MORNING LINKS

20 Of The Greatest Flash Mobs Ever Conducted [Uproxx]

Cupcake Orgy: The Definitive Collection Of Elaborately Themed Cupcakes [Uproxx]

Remembering A Video Game Classic: Shaq Fu [WithLeather]

‘Jem don’t care!’ [WarmingGlow]

Kevin Costner invented a taser for cameramen. Probably stole the idea from Seagal. |GammaSquad|

What’s the smartest tattoo to get? |BestWorstAdvice|

Ridiculously Awesome Band Logo Tattoos [UGO]

40 Things That Will Make You Feel Old [Buzzfeed]

Lindsay Lohan’s ankle bracelet went off. Will she get in trouble??? |WWTDD|

Holy Taco interviews Rob Riggle. |HolyTaco|

Michael Cera to guest star on The Simpsons. |ScreenJunkies|

The Smoking Jacket’s 69 Sexist Celebrities [TSJ]

The “stupid Ned Stark” meme is Game of Thrones-y. |UnrealityMag|

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn broke up. She probably still smells like cigarettes. |TheSuperficial|

A New (Star Wars-Muppets Cross-Promotional Merchandising) Hope [ToplessRobot]

Hooray The PlayStation Network is fully restored Now, you can ignore it in peace [Fark]

First official trailer for Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest [TheDailyWhat]

Jeri Lee has see-through clothes (NSFWish). |GorillaMask|

Comments of the Week | THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES | FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK | FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.

You can’t put a price on directness like this.  I’m hiring this guy to draft all my memos from now on.  |Examiner|

MORNING LINKS

A Golden Treasury Of Planking [Uproxx]

10 Redditor’s Wife Meme Variations That Have Definitely Happened IRL [Uproxx]

Warming Glow’s Summer TV Preview [WarmingGlow]

Colombian Women Love Pole Dancing [WithLeather]

The best of X-Men cosplay. |GammaSquad|

Michael Jordan’s 10 Most Memorable Revenge Games [TSS]

Vampire Corgi vs. Vacuum Corgi in a cuteness battle. |TheDailyWhat|

Dad kills daughter’s phone for turning her into a slut.  He must’ve seen Fireproof. |GorillaMask|

ESPN had naked tittays on their website. |NYCStool|

“Bird Steals from Sad Wallaby” is my new favorite Gif. I TASTE YOUR TEARS, WALLABY. |PICTURED|

Justin Bieber eatin’ a bitch out and Justin Bieber givin’ a bitch a foot massage ain’t even the same thing. |TheSuperficial|

Awesome picture: what arcade rooms looked like in the 80s. |UnrealityMag|

The Man Who Discovered THC [Fark]

Rock of Ages pictures look about as horrible as you’d expect of an Adam Shankman movie. God that guy sucks. |WWTDD|

More proof those Blake Lively pictures are real. I wish her boobs looked less fake, but my God, what a wonderful time to be alive. |WWTDD|

8-Year-Old’s idea for a family crest featuring an electric bear riding an electric shark becomes reality. |Buzzfeed|

Are These Alleged Nude Photos of Blake Lively Real? [Brobible]

8 Netflix Instant Watch TV Series To Make Your Lazy Summer Downright Lethargic [Pajiba]

How to give the best Valedictorian speech, by Brandon Mendolson. |HolyTaco|

Sarah Silverman on her way back to TV (Yay!). |ScreenJunkies|

Comments of the Week | THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES | FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK | FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.