Guns, Horses & Insecurities: Reporting From the Set of True Grit XXX

12.06.11 Written by chodin

I once read that "gun" was a euphemism for "large penis".

When I arrived on set it was a little before 9:00am. That meant I was early. I figured that if ever there was an opportunity to be on time for something, the morning you’re offered to visit an adult film shoot had better be it. Not to mention, our filming location was a good 40 miles outside of Los Angeles and just a brief ten minutes prior I’d convinced myself that I was absolutely lost. So, you can imagine my relief when I realized that I’d made it to the correct address: a dusty horse ranch on the outskirts of L.A. county.

As I locked the door to my truck, the wind kicked up a nice thick cloud of manure and pimp slapped me right across the face with it. To add insult to injury, it was cold-as-hell out, too. Really cold. An ugly day was certainly brewing on the forecast, but that wasn’t enough to postpone (yet again) this day of shooting. I’d been told that 30 days prior production had been rained out and forced to reschedule this pivotal day of filming. Hell or high water, something erotic was getting filmed today, whether Mother Nature liked it or not.

In true Daily Bugle fashion, I was brandishing a very obvious notepad and pen tucked tightly underneath my armpit. I stood out like, well, a douche writer on a porn shoot. From afar, thank God, my production contact noticed my arrival and emerged from a small wooden cabin to introduce himself. Following an awkward-but-necessary “welcome to set” handshake, he begins to explain that the crew is busy sorting out a small “situation” that has just come up: apparently there is an issue with the day’s scheduled Bear Girl-on-girl scene. Yes, Bear Girl. I wish I could say that this had caught me off guard, but one must come to expect these sorts of things when Vince Mancini asks you to visit the set of True Grit XXX.
*fires finger guns into air, holster and pants fall down completely*

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COEN BROS TO BLOW YOUR MIND WITH CHICKEN

12.27.07 Written by Vince Mancini

Dry those panties, ladies, they\'re married!

CinemaBlend, despite not being able to spell Coen, today has the scoop on the next Coen Brothers project. 

WENN reports that the brothers want to go all out in Spaghetti Western style, including going even further on content that won’t be for the weak of heart, with primitive torture methods used in the battle between cowboys and Indians. …Joel Cohen [sic] warns: ”We’ve written a western with a lot of violence in it. There’s scalping and hanging … it’s good. Indians torturing people with ants, cutting their eyelids off.”

Ahh yes, I’ve always said westerns should have more hot coals in the chest cavity and eyelid removal and such. I’ve heard the Jews even developed a method of torture in which they cut the tip of your penis off.  Terrifying!  But what else can you tell us, Joel?

…"It’s a proper western, a real western, set in the 1870s. It’s got a scene that no one will ever forget because of one particular chicken." 

10 points for the non-sequitir.  Much like my father’s wedding vows that he wrote himself, in which he promised to love, honor, and cherish, in sickness and in health, and one time he took a dump on a cop car.

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