(We call this position ‘Congress of the Crotch’)

Neve Campbell was something of a sex symbol back in the day, perhaps due to the fact that she can’t OPEN HER DAMNED EYES ALL THE WAY!  OH I’M SORRY, IS IT TOO BRIGHT FOR YOU IN HERE, HARTNETT?   (*clears throat, shuffles papers*) Another thing that was popular in the 90s was Scream.  That’s why Bob Weinstein is greenlighting Scream 4, hiring Neve Campbell, and spraypainting his Jnco pants*.  And just like that, it’s suddenly cool to make your girlfriend wear that mask during sex again.

“I’m heading back to my franchise films,” Weinstein declared, citing plans to shoot sequels to “Hellraiser” and “Scanners” in 3D. Also on the slate are remakes of “Short Circuit” and “An American Werewolf in London.” “These films are our strength, and we are committed to doing them in style.”  In addition, the company wants to shoot “Halloween III” in 3D, aiming to release it in October 2010. Dimension also is remaking the cult classic “Children of the Corn.”

“Scream 4″ will start production in April or May as the first of a new trilogy, and the company is talking to Wes Craven to direct, Weinstein reports. In addition to Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette will return to the “Scream” franchise.  [Variety]

Phew, they got Courteney Cox and David Arquette?  I was worried this wasn’t going to have any bankable stars.

*unconfirmed

According to the Daily Mail, the cast of friends have been eager to do a Friends movie for some time, and have finally gotten the greenlight.  What was the sticking point?  Why, Jennifer Aniston being a bitch, of course.

While Cox, 44, LeBlanc, 40, Perry, 39, Kudrow, 45 and Schwimmer, 41, were believed to be keen on the reunion, Aniston, 39, is believed to have dragged her heels.
Now, however, she is keen to move ahead with the project, which will be produced by Warner Bros.
The source added: ‘As the biggest star of the Friends franchise, Jennifer can’t help but look at what’s happened with Sarah Jessica Parker and the Sex And The City film and be a little jealous.
‘What’s held back a Friends movie so far is that people were worried that Jennifer had simply become too famous to play Rachel again.
‘But the truth is that Jennifer is finally willing to do it, and she’d love to work with that whole team of actors and producers again.

The only big movie Jennifer Aniston’s done since friends has been The Break-Up, so I’m guessing it was contact with famous peoples’ peoples’ semen that was responsible for the fame disparity.  It’s a well-known fact that Vince Vaughn and Brad Pitt’s semen makes you more famous.  Meanwhile, Courtney Cox had to learn the hard way that David Arquette’s semen makes you slowly fade into obscurity (on the plus side, it’s also a powerful hallucinogen).  But thank God for jealousy, the great equalizer.  If this does well, Matt LeBlanc may not have to do any more monkey movies.

[-Thanks to Eibmoz for the tip]