I try to keep my site a moral outrage and righteous indignation-free zone, but I can’t keep from pointing out that the Academy are being huge dicks about this Corey Haim thing.  People were upset when Haim was left off the SAG Awards In Memoriam segment, which gave the Academy a whole month to add two stills of Haim from Lucas and Lost Boys that they could throw onscreen for two seconds while Celine Dion sang her obnoxious song and keep everyone happy.  But instead they left him out, while honoring Ronni Chasen (a publicist) and airing Halle Berry’s 10-minute tribute to Lena Horne (OOOOH LOOK HOW INCLUSIVE AND DIVERSE YOU ARE, ACADEMY! YOUR LACK OF BLACK NOMINEES THIS YEAR IS TOTALLY FORGIVEN!).  Which leads us to another exciting installment of: Corey Feldman, Unlikely Voice of Reason.

Feldman tells us, “Corey [Haim]‘s films have earned the industry over a half a billion dollars and his work remains an inspiration to young artists world wide… Corey dedicated his life to the film industry. The same industry that failed to dedicate even 30 seconds to his memory.”

The Feldster might have gotten a little carried away with the inspiration to young artists bit, but other than that, he’s completely right.  How say you, Academy (specifically, producers Don Mischer and Bruce Cohen)?  Heartfelt apology?  Fake apology, even?

For their part, the Academy released a statement that reads: “Whatever the length of the sequence, there will always be fans and family members of those not included who will be disappointed by their omission. The Academy extends its understanding and its apologies to those who missed seeing a favorite face in this year’s feature.” [TMZ]

Ouch, form letter.  Well f*ck you very much too, you shriveled, stutter-loving c*cksuckers.  I guess The Academy is your cable provider now.  There’s nothing like pointing out a wrong and then having the offending party respond with a vague non-apology addressed to a nebulous third party.  It’s even worse than a disingenuous apology because you can sense them typing it with one hand while they wank dismissively with the other.  “Oh, sorry if we kept you from banging your ugly wives, trolls, but do the math: we can’t include every loser in our gnarly segment, duh. WINNING.”

I hereby sentence the Academy to watch every episode of The Coreys.

(I choose to remember Corey Haim the way he lived — loosely related to Greasy Sax Dude)

There are snubs and there are snubs, but there’s no bigger slap in the face for an actor than getting left off an “In Memoriam” montage the year you die.  People still talk about Brad Renfro’s snub, but in my mind, the biggest oversight was leaving out Don LaFontaine a few years ago.  This year’s In Memoriam montage at the SAG Awards left out Corey Haim (Lost Boys, Lucas, License to Drive, Crank High Voltage), which might be forgivable if they hadn’t included both Gary Coleman and Zelda Rubenstein (the weird lady from Poltergeist). Ouch.  That’s like not getting into a club and then seeing Danny Masterson in there.  (MASTERSON! *shakes fist*)

“We have become used to not being honored by our peers in the industry,” Haim’s ‘Lost Boys’ co-star and friend Corey Feldman tells PopEater upon learning of the snub. “I have faith that the Academy will make a wiser choice.”

For their part, the show’s producers say the oversight was nothing personal, Haim was simply cut for time.

[Producer] Kathy Connell notes that two packages were prepared for broadcast: “A longer version in hopes of being able to salute more actors and a shorter version if it was needed due to time.”
“Mr. Haim was in the longer version,” Connell says. “As the show was running long, we were forced to choose the shorter package.” [PopEater]

Somehow that doesn’t make it any better.  In fact, it makes him sound like the World’s Fastest Grocery Bagger getting bumped from Letterman after Stupid Pet Tricks ran long.  BUT WAIT! THE BEST INSULT IS YET TO COME!  The actual headline Popeater chose to illustrate this story was “SAGs Producer: Time Wasn’t Kind to Corey Haim”, accompanied by a side-by-side photo of young Corey next to older, more bloated Corey.  Get it? It’s clever because he aged badly. Stay classy, guys.

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Collider talked to Hangover director and gangbang enthusiast Todd Phillips about Hangover 2.  Among other things, he says rumors about the movie being set in Mexico or Thailand aren’t true.  The interviewer tries to get him to compare the Hangover characters to the Sex and the City characters, but he declines.  You can read all about this and more in my upcoming book, Todd Phillips is a Smart Man.

Corey Feldman’s open letter to Corey Haim is definitely not something he did for attention, because when you write an open letter to a dead guy, the last thing you could want is for someone to read it other than the intended recipient.  It’s hard to make a joke about a tragedy, so I’ll simply point out that he signed the letter “CF Core Feldog DAWG C-DOG KID.”  Child actors, dude. |MovieWeb|

Warner is making a fifth Final Destination movie.  This despite the fourth one being called The Final Destination.  Warner chief said the decision was made “because we can’t resist.”  These cheap horror movies are like heroin, you see.  Because the people who buy them are mostly losers. |SlashFilm|

Watch Spike Jonze’s short film I’m Here for free online, courtesy of Absolut Vodka.  I know that’s what I’ll be doing, because the sunlight burns my skin. *hiss*  Get it off! Get it off!  |I’mHere|

Finally, this dog is riding a donkey. Get down from there, dog.  You’re not hiking into the grand canyon, you don’t even have a saddle bag to carry. (Thanks, Jacktion!)

What’s up, Suck Monkeys.  Corey Feldman went on Larry King last night, and though it may have looked like he was there to audition for the lead in a lesbian remake of Cry Baby, the truth is much, much stupider.

If you managed to catch Corey Feldman on Larry King last night, you heard Feldman announce the news that at the time of Corey Haim’s death, the two friends were working on a follow-up to the 1988 teen comedy License to Drive. According to Feldman, they had just met up about the sequel, License to Fly, and planned on turning it into a possible trilogy with a third film called License to Dive. [Cinematical]

Get out of my dreams. Get into my… boat. Did anyone else just get a mental picture of Corey Haim pulling up to the curb in a convertible with a diving helmet on?  Just me then?  Fine.  But yes, it’s a real tragedy that these movies will never get made.

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TMZ just released the above clip from Decisions, the last movie Corey Haim completed before his death.

In the movie, Haim plays a corrupt cop who gets involved in the lives of 6 troubled kids.

We spoke with Executive Producer Zenon Kesik, who said, “Corey was a professional and had no sign of any drug abuse at all.”

Kesik says he did not require that Corey submit to a drug test, because, “He was straight. He didn’t appear to be on any substance whatsoever.”

I don’t want to crap on a dead guy here (saving that for Saturday afternoon), but how is it that a kid can be acting from the time he’s 10 years old and do it for 30 years and still manage to get worse at it?  The same thing happened to Drew Barrymore on a less drastic scale.  This is like if Lance Armstrong had competed in the Tour de France at 12 and by the time he hit 35, couldn’t get on a bike without getting his feet caught in the spokes.