That’s right, it’s Greasy Sax Man, and that means Lost Boys news.

No one actually watches Lost Boys sequels (except Chodin when I pay him*), but they keep making them anyway, presumably as a way to keep Corey Feldman from making music.  Anyway, here’s the plot of Lost Boys 3: The Thirst.  See if you can spot the Twilight reference:

“When veteran vampire hunter Edgar Frog [Corey Feldman] finds himself destitute and almost friendless, he thinks his life has hit bottom – but wealthy vampire-romance novelist Gwen Liebling offers him a small fortune to go on the vampire hunt of a lifetime and rescue her son Peter from the Alpha Vampire D.J. Dusk. With the help of his friends Zoe, Lars and Blake, Edgar heads into a bloody battle to exterminate evil.” [via Bloody-Disgusting]

So… who wants to bet me that D.J. Dusk is an actual Disc Jockey? Anyone?  Anyway, it sounds pretty bad, I know.  But keep in mind it’s protecting us from this:

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Unless you’re a total newcomer to this site, you know that Greasy Sax Man video can mean only one thing: Lost Boys news.

TV writer Evan Charnov (Fearless) has been tapped to pen the screenplay for The Lost Boys 3, Warner Premiere’s next direct-to-disc sequel to the classic teen-vamp film from 1987. In addition, Corey Feldman has come on to produce and will also return once again as Edgar Frog. We’re told this film will actually focus on Feldman’s popular character (thank God). Corey Haim’s return as Sam Emerson is highly, highly unlikely at this point in time. [BloodyDisgusting]

At this point, the Lost Boys franchise is less about movies than it is a New Deal scheme to keep the Coreys employed.  That only one Corey is occupied is really a waste of investor’s money. The government needs to step in before he goes rape crazy at a petting zoo or starts rapping..

I don’t usually do this, but after I sent Chodin a Lost Boys 2: The Tribe DVD as his Comment of the Week prize, he sent me his review.  Despite the fact that it took him no less than six emails to get it properly attached, and his email address has “Tim Allen” in the title, it’s actually a pretty fine review.  Anyway, without further ado, here it is, and no, I didn’t understand the picture either. -Vince

Hey, remember the time you made your copy of The Lost Boys make out with your Point Break DVD?  Well guess what, asshole: they just had a f-cking baby.

The Lost Boys sequel, recently full-released on DVD, because theaters would rather burn to the ground than thread its 94 minutes through their projectors. Aptly titled Lost Boys: The Tribe, this time around we follow Victor and Thomas, two young Native American men, who don’t do shit all day except for ride around and talk about John Wayne’s teeth.
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This month’s Playboy features a spread on Corey Feldman’s wife Susie, who reportedly agreed to do the shoot for free, probably to promote her husband’s crappy fake reality show The Two Coreys or his crappy movie Lost Boys 2.  And wasn’t he in a band once?  In any case, according to The Hollywood Gossip, she was promised the cover only to be booted for Ashley Harkleroad, and to add insult to injury, Harkleroad probably got paid.

I hope all you ladies out there have learned a valuable lesson about not showing your vagina to the world for free.  Wait, no, forget I said that.  This is all part of her plan, I’m sure of it.

On another note, how is it that every 80s actor who goes to rehab comes back looking like a scary transvestite?  Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Charlie Sheen – is one of the twelve steps losing 30 pounds, shaving off your eyebrows, and getting your haircut like a lesbian?

In a turn of events shocking to at least 3 retards playing jacks, Lost Boys 2: The Tribe has failed to secure a theatrical release *sad suck monkey ;-{  *

Fans worldwide could not convince Warner Brothers executives to launch the second coming of the Emerson family on theater screens this summer. Instead, The Lost Boys: The Tribe will make its debut on home video this July. Which is actually better for us fans in some respects. We’ll get to watch it as many times as we want. And the home market grosses will surely be enough to insure a third outing. [MovieWeb]

That’s right, in a way, this is actually good news.  Corey’s also noticed that his hairline has been receding – but that means he’ll be able to save up all the money he’s been spending on conditioner and buy a great big house out in the country.  He and Haim will be able to move there some day real soon and then they’ll just live off the fat of the land.  And they’ll raise rabbits!  Red ones, blue ones, purple ones – all kinds a rabbits that nobody’s even seen before.  They’ll be so soft and furry, and no one bothers you out there so I reckon you can just pet the rabbits all day if you want to.  Oh, it’s gonna be perfect.